Pig quotes from Back at the Barnyard

Pig

[left in a massage chair by the Farmer] Oh, hi, guys! Sweet massage chair, huh? I recommend the "oggida-oggida-oggida" setting.

Pig

My friends, a warning. Sword swallowing is extremely dangerous to the untrained professional, which is why I will never do it. Instead, I shall now eat this entire tray of egg rolls without the aid of any sauce or dips!

Pig

[playing Fizzbin disguised as a German woman] Fräulein needs a new pair of lederhosen!

Pig

Temptress, I can no longer resist your charms!

Pig

(wakes up) Aah! Oh, ooh-hoo. I had that Farmer's birthday, scary Lincoln, Otis being pelted by paint balloons dream again. Thank goodness everything's back to normal. (realizes he's in space he started to scream)

Pig

Hey, he's just like Otis.

Pig

And when the farmer comes back, delicious turnip birthday cake. [laughs]

Duke

Pig, there is no Turnip Con.

Pig

Ah, gotcha. But the Slop Fairy is real, right?

Pig

NOOOOOOOOO..!!!

Otis

Okay, so, not a sound system.

Freddy

[sniffs] Mmm! Something smells scrumptious! [realizing] I mean, disturbing! I knew that thing was evil! E-e-e-evil!

Otis

Stop that.

Abby

Otis, whether we wanna admit it or not, the farmer has purchased-- a barbecue grill.

Pig

Barbecue grill?

Freddy

Yay, I love kebabs! [Bessy looks at him] Sorry.

Pig

I love kebabs too, but not if I know the kebab-ee.

Freddy

He's marinating Joey in olive oil! I would've used teriyaki and a chicken or a Cornish game hen, but that's if I craved flesh! Which I don't!

Otis

[glares at his cream cheese statue] How can I look you in the raisin eyes again? [smacks the statue across the barn]

Pig

[runs past Otis] Ooh! I got dibs!

Otis

Everyone, the farmer has betrayed us. So pack your things. We're leaving the barnyard, forever!

Pig

Hey, who's got bagels?

Pip

We're ready to go, Otis!

Otis

Has the escape pod been built to my exact specifications?

Pip

Yeah, listen, we couldn't get an escape pod, so we had to go a little more low-tech.

Otis

Okay. So, no warp drive?

Pip

Uh, no.

Otis

Thrusters?

Pip

Uh-uh.

Otis

Air brakes?

Pip

No.

Otis

Doors?

Pip

Negative.

Otis

Is there a floor?

Pip

Uh, define floor.

Otis

Alright, well, uh, we got hot air. That's a thing, right? Where do we get that?

Pip

You don't wanna know.

Pig

My work here is done.

Otis

Now, the Farmer we've loved is gone for good, but we can still end his carnivorous reign of terror!

Pig

Mmm, pass.

Pip

Pass.

Abby

Pass.

Freddy

Big pass. Huge pass.

Otis

That's pathetic. Did Luke Skywalker pass when he had to blow up the Death Star? Did Tarzan pass when Jane was threatened by the Chimp King? Did that guy... pass... when he had to do the thing... in the place with those people?! You bet he didn't! NOW, WHO'S WITH ME?!

Otis

[gripping his own neck, using ventriloquism with his other hoof; high-pitched voice] Get in the cart or the cow gets it.

Freddy

Don't hurt him! Please don't hurt him!

Pig

Everyone, I thought you'd like to know that, well, how can I put this? I quit!

Otis

You can't quit! What do you mean, you quit?

Pig

Oh, look, Grammy's pies used to be about friendship and all the good times we had together. Now, it's all about, "Money, money, money! What can I buy, what can I buy?"

Otis

And?

Pig

Well, look around! Duke's a mummy dog, Freddy's a complete whackjob--

Freddy

BIRTHDAY!

Pig

The restaurant is sucking the fun out of our lives, you know? And I'm through with it, I'm gone, goodbye! [leaves the barn]

Abby

Well, so much for buying my own Italian soccer team.

What do you think, Otis? She's all repaired and ready to go.

Pip

Whoa, no way! Otis can't fly this thing; he can barely drive a stick.

Otis

Pip, relax. It's just a simulated flight. I mean, you know, Bingo wouldn't put his top test cow in any kind of danger.

Simulated. Yeah, you took these words right out of my mouth. [takes a control device from his spacesuit] Oh, oh, oh, and by the way, one little thing. It's not! [presses a button, trapping Otis and Pip inside the rocket]

Otis

What? Hey, what's going on? We're trapped!

That's right, cud boy, I'm sending you into orbit. Of course, there's no biggie for someone with your vast space experience.

Pip

Ground Control to Major Monkey. He lied!

Otis

We were nice to you. We said you could stay with us and some of us licked you. Why are you doing this?

Because I spent my whole life taking orders from humans. And I'm not about to start taking them from a cow. Any-moo, ten, nine, other numbers, blast off! [presses another button on the control device and the rocket lifts off, causing Otis and Pip to scream] [hooting] That's the last time we're ever going to hear from Otis the Daring Space Cow.

Abby

Bingo, what's going on?

Pig

What happened to Otis and Pip?

I sent your leader and his little-rat friend on a one-way trip. You're all taking orders from me now.

Otis

Alright, Abby, you ready for your first driving lesson?

Abby

I sure am.

Otis

Good. Now, the most important thing you wanna remember-

Abby

What's this button do? [presses the button]

Otis

Well, those are the windshield wipers.

Abby

Ooh! What's this? [honks the horn]

Otis

[irritated] Shhh, Mrs. Beady will hear you!

Pig

Can you crank the A/C? My thighs are stickin' to the seat.

Abby

Hey, what if I punch this real hard?

Otis

Don't-!

Freddy

AAAH! The car's inflating its giant stink sack!

Peck

Hang on, I got it. [deflates the bag]

Freddy

Okay, Otis, she's hotwired and ready to go.

Otis

Nice job, buddy. Alright, Abby. Now put 'er in reverse, and give 'er some gas.

Abby

You got it! I'll try not to hit Mrs. Beady.

Otis

See, that's great. You're already thinking defensively. That's the first sign of a good--

MRS. BEADY?!!

Pig

Hey, Freddy, this place isn't that bad. I mean, look, there's fresh fruit and TVs in every room.

Freddy

Oh, sure. First, they soften you up, then ZAP! They screw you into a light socket and use you read by! Zzz-ding!