Duke quotes from Back at the Barnyard

Duke

[sticking paws into a hot pot] This is boiling water, isn't it?

Pig

And when the farmer comes back, delicious turnip birthday cake. [laughs]

Duke

Pig, there is no Turnip Con.

Pig

Ah, gotcha. But the Slop Fairy is real, right?

Pig

NOOOOOOOOO..!!!

Duke

Let me get this straight. You get rid of the farmer, end up bringing that beady-eyed little dirtbag into the barnyard, and you still expect us to throw you a huge party?

Otis

Pretty much.

Duke

I'll go with that.

Freddy

This is horrible! My dearest friends are gonna be barbecued! [sobs] Mmm, mmmmmmmm. I mean... [sobs]

Duke

I'm too young to be eaten. Too young!

Pip

Dude, get a grip. You're a dog. The farmer's not going to eat you.

Duke

What, you're saying I wouldn't be nice with some low-fat chips and a nice cherry cola?

Otis

Alright, enough with the chips and the cola! This is crazy talk, people, come on! Even if the Farmer came in and dipped us in seasonings, I still wouldn't believe it.

Pip

Captain Cold Cuts, two o'clock!

Otis

Hey, what's in this sandwich?

Duke

Veggie salami.

Otis

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Duke

I pre-chewed it, so you wouldn't waste precious jaw energy.

Otis

You... you pre-chewed this sandwich in my mouth?

Duke

Mm-hm.

Otis

So the sandwich in my mouth was previously in your mouth.

Duke

[walks away] Nice taste, huh?

Otis

SPIT SANDWICH!!! [licks the grass to get the germs off]

Otis

Okay! No more! I give up! I cannot do this anymore!

Duke

What, play fetch?

Otis

No! I can't keep faking life-threatening situations, so you'll save me, and we'll be even, and then you'll finally LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

Duke

I was just trying to be nice since you saved... [cries]

Otis

Duke, Duke, don't cry. Look, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but please, stop being nice to me!

Duke

Abby, tell us how you come by your amazing athletic talent.

Abby

Well, gosh, Duke. I grew up with 18 older brothers who used to clobber me all the time, then one day, I just kinda decided... THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN! Is this on TV? Because I'm a little camera shy.

Otis

Watch how a softer diffusion of light can completely change the--[the projector falls apart and crashes to the floor] Oh, that's the opposite of good.

Duke

Otis, what did you do?! You ruined the safety film!

Freddy

[panics] NO SAFETY FILM?! NO SAFETY FILM?! WE'LL NEVER BE SAFE AGAIN!!!

Freddy

[pained] Medic.

Duke

Okay, here's the deal. I have one parachute, but I figure, if we all--[Freddy snatches the parachute from him]

Freddy

So long, suckers! [leaps out the barn, but is spun around the tornado screaming; then he is thrown back into the barn, smashing through a beam] A little help, suckers?

Duke

Alright, sheep, it's bear season. You know what that means.

Exercise caution and stay within the perimeter of the farm?

Duke

No, no, it means I gotta rub you down with salmon to disguise your scent. Come on, line up.

But Duke, that makes no sense.

Yeah. Fish forms a substantial part of a bear's basic diet.

Duke

You see, that's the kind of fancy college talk that attracts bears, mister.

Duke

[reading a note left by the sheep] Dear Duke, you vacuous, simpering moron.

Pip

Hey, you're not vacuous!

Duke

Our mental superiority makes it impossible to tolerate your... idiotic leadership? Goodbye for-e-e-e-e-e-e-ver.

Pip

Welp, there's the glue factory. I told you I knew where it was.

Duke

This ain't the glue factory. It looks like a train station.

Pip

Uh, it's a train station slash glue factory.

Pip

[telling a scary story] And some say, when the moon is full, or really close to full... You know, like those times when you go, "Hey, look, it's a full moon," and somebody else goes, "No, man, it's not totally full. See the edge?" And you're like, whatever, dude, I can see the whole moon!

Otis

Pip, please.

Pip

Oh, right. When the moon is pretty much full, you can still hear the shrieks of her helpless victims.

Pip

And that's why I hate veterinarians.

Otis

Pip, would you stop scaring them? I mean, you've never even been to the veterinarian.

Pip

Hey, I've never been hit by a meteor either, but I know it hurts.

Pig

Well, uh, enjoy your check-ups, folks, uh, I'll be in Guatemala.

Duke

Right behind you.

Freddy

This veterinarian madwoman will KILL US ALL!!!

Freddy

How will we survive without Otis?!

Duke

Don't worry, Freddy. When the sad day comes, I'll take over as the leader.

Freddy

HOW WILL WE SURVIVE WITHOUT OTIS?! [sobs]

[sighs] I'm glad you're not dead.

Duke

And we aren't leaving your side until you get better pal.

Pip

Dr. Glove is back!

Hey, sweetie, how's my big sweetie, okay? I'm just going to do a little check poo. [snaps glove suggestively]

Otis

Moo? [begins screaming hysterically off camera]