Bessy quotes from Back at the Barnyard

Bessy

[seeing Otis and Pip wearing moose antlers] I've heard of Donner and Blitzen, but nobody told me about Moron and Stupidhead!

Bessy

Look, everyone, it's Mini Moo.

Otis

The farmer is a total vegan, guys.

Bessy

Vegan, my rump! You know what I heard? I heard he ate an entire village down in Mexico.

Otis

'Kay, pretty sure that's not true. The farmer absolutely has no interest in meat whatsoever.

Pip

Here comes the carnivore!

Peck

Otis, we are so sick of this stupid game of yours!

Bessy

Yeah, I hope you're faster than a speeding butt-whoopin'!

Otis

Whoa, citizens no likey the Cowman.

Abby

Now, you listen, Otis, your idea to fight evil around the barnyard by becoming a superhero is just plain--

Freddy

Dumb! D-U-M-N-7-L, dumb!

Pip

Dude, there's no "L" in "dumb-7".

Otis

Pip and I have this great idea. We totally want you guys to join us.

Bessy

Yeah, I'll do that right after never.

Abby

Oh, being superheroes was awesome, Otis. Can we do it again?

Otis

Of course, Abby. With great cow power comes great cow responsibility.

Bessy

Great, more cows in spandex.

Freddy

Hey, anybody ever notice that Otis and Cowman are never together at the same time?

Bessy

You really are 31 flavors of dumb, aren't you?

And I'd like a side salad.

Bessy

Yeah, well, I'd like a cruise to Barbados, but that's not happening either.

Otis

That's right! Run from the aliens! [laughs] Run before they suck out your brains and make smoothies with them!

Pig

Brain smoothies, huh? Do they use sherbert or frozen yogurt?

Otis

So, Bessy, I bet you're totally freaked out by these crop circles, huh?

Bessy

Well, judging by the bits of cornstalk still stuck to your hooves, I say you made those crop circles.

Otis

What? That's ridiculous!

Bessy

And from the bruises on Pig, I say you probably rolled Pig around like a steamroller to do it. Am I right?

Pig

I got these bruises at a carnival.

Bessy

And I bet he puked on Pip.

Pig

Did I? [Pip shudders, looking at Pig's filthy mouth, then runs away screaming] Wait! Come back! Did I?

Otis

Wait, wait, wait, don't do it! Please, she's our friend.

Pip

She's the love of my life. We're going to have beautiful cow-mouse babies together.

Bessy

Hmm? [shakes her head] Mm-mm!

Otis

And she's a good person. I mean, sure, she yells a lot, and she insults me, like, 24/7, and snores like a sailor, and...

Pip

Ahem!

Otis

But we still like her is the point. I don't want to be on the farm without her.

You convinced me! Your brain, it is!

Otis

[watching a safety film, showing him getting hurt] Bravo! Bravo!

Bessy

Ah, zip it and eat your popcorn. [iris out to black]

Otis

Jealous. [Bessy is heard hitting him] Ow!

Otis

This is terrible! What have I done?!

Bessy

Well, let's review. You interrupted Peck's yoga class, did a lame Stumpity Joe impression, and... oh, right. YOU BROKE THE FARMER!!!

Abby

You go first.

Bessy

No way, you go first.

Otis

So, how are we doing on the milk, gals? [sees empty buckets] What? What's going on? We should be snorkeling in milk by now.

Bessy

Look, no one but the farmer is clamping any electric doohickeys to my milk-giving areas.

Otis

Bessy, my bashful bovine, it couldn't be safer. Here, let me demonstrate. [fits the hose on his udders] Put these on...

Pip

Otis, that's not how it looks in the instructions.

Otis

Relax, I've seen the farmer do this, like, a hundred times. Okay, turn it on, turn it on.

Pip

Okay, you're the boss. [turns the dial, turning the machine on]

Otis

Mm-hm. Oh, it's quite, pleasant, actually. It's like a gentle tug. [chuckles, then starts to feel uncomfortable] Okay, slightly less gentle now. [yells in pain] AAH, OH! MY UDDERS... ARE... ON... FIRE!!!

Pip

[mishearing Otis saying "fire"] Higher? You got it! [turns the dial up higher]

Otis

[shrilly] TURN IT OFF!!!

Otis

[moans in pain]

Bessy

[laughs] That is one funny milking machine!

Otis

[high voice] Guys, I'm gonna need some private time. [crawls across the floor]

Otis

Now that is what I call a grade A... [the egg blows up in his face] Uhhhh, what exactly did you put in the energy drink?

Bessy

Yogurt.

Peck

Vitamins.

Abby

Love.

Otis

And?

Freddy

[holding red sticks] And pepper!

Otis

[grabs the red sticks from Freddy] Those aren't pepper shakers. That's dynamite!

Otis

[chased by his opponent during the first fighting match] AAH! MAD COW, MAD COW!

Bessy

Now, this-- [Otis gets punched] ...is entertainment! Pass the popcorn.

Abby

Oh, I can't look! It's too much for my delicate constitution. GET HIM, OTIS! TEAR HIM TO SHREDS!