Otis quotes from Back at the Barnyard

Peck

Your parents are great, Fred! They were just giving me the most wonderful steam bath.

Freddy

Actually, Peck, they were about to cook you and eat you.

Peck

Well, sure. They were about to--[yells in shock] WITH THE COOKING AND THE EATING!!!

Son, why are you calling tonight's dinner "Peck"?

Freddy

Guys, I have something to tell you.

Otis

Freddy...

Freddy

It's okay, Otis. I'm done lying. Mom, Dad, Peck isn't dinner. He's my best friend. And I'm not a voracious chicken-eater! I'm a vegetarian! [his parents gasp] And if you can't deal with that, then I say good day, sir! And Mrs. Sir.

[angrily] Frederick, get over here right NOW... [warmly] ...and give your old man a hug.

Freddy

[hugs his father] You mean, you're not ashamed of me?

Oh, honey, of course we are.

Ashamed and disgraced.

And don't forget humiliated.

We'll probably have to change our names.

And I'm sure our neighbors will pelt us with trash.

I know I would.

But as long as you're happy, dear, I guess we could learn to live with it.

I suppose we owe your friend an apology. Sorry we almost ate you, Peck.

Peck

Ah, I can't stay mad at you guys.

Freddy

Group hug! [hugs his parents and Peck]

Otis

Okay, whoa, whoa, just whoa! Hold up. [to Freddy] Your parents eat farm animals, [to Freddy's parents] your kid is a vegetarian, [to Peck] your best friend's parents just tried to EAT you, AND YOU'RE ALL COOL WITH THAT?!

Freddy

Uh-huh.

Peck

Yep.

Sure are!

Pretty much.

Otis

Sweet, just checkin'.

Otis

[gets a notification on his phone] Oh, hey, it's a text message, from Pip. [reads the text message] ”B-H-P, &, S-B-B, sad face”. [confused] Huh?

Abby

I speak text. He says he's being held prisoner in Snotty Boy's bedroom.

Otis

Snotty Boy. I should've guessed.

Otis

Oh, hang on. There's more. "G-T-P-T-A"?

Abby

He says ”Give the phone to Abby!”

Otis

[confused] Huh?

Abby

Otis, that kid's trying to feed him to a snake! We got to do something!

Otis

We will, Abby. Barnyard Strike Force, deploy!

Otis

Ooh, tiny toast is done. Who wants tiny toast?

Pip

You wanna prank the paperboy?

Otis

[snaps at Pip] NO, I DON'T WANNA PRANK ANY PAPERBOY! I would really enjoy pranking my eyeballs back into being closed, and pranking my mouth into snoring, IN ONE LONG, EIGHT-HOUR, UNINTERRUPTED PRANK!

Pip

Are you on medication?

Bessy

This is my baby's cowbell! Do you know what this means?

Otis

I think I do, and it feels... no.

Bessy

Otis! [hugs him] I'm your mother!

Otis

[screams]

Bessy

You stop right there, young man!

Otis

No, I will not "stop right there," Mom! You have done nothing but embarrass me since the moment you found out I'm your son!

Bessy

Watch the tone, mister!

Otis

YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE!!! I hate you! [gasps, whimpers, then runs off crying]

Pig

I know pronounce you man and--

Otis

STOP THE WEDDING!!!

Otis

Listen to me. I've always kept my cowbell wrapped in a newspaper from the day I was separated from my mom, but it's dated an entire year after Bessy's kid floated away. I can't be Bessy's son.

Freddy

This can't be true!

Otis

I'm sorry, Bessy. I know you want your son back, but it's not me.

Bessy

Phew! What a relief!

Otis

Huh. Not what you'd usually say when your heart is breaking into a million pieces.

Bessy

I didn't know what was worse, having you for a son, or being married to a rat.

Peck

Why, it sounds like a heavenly angel.

Freddy

Or a bewitching sorceress luring us to our doom!

Otis

Hey, maybe the angel and the sorceress had a kid.

Freddy

You mean a sorcer-angel?

Otis

No, more like an angel-ress.

Pig

So, Otis, who do you think I'm up against in tomorrow's finals?

Otis

Who cares? I'm telling you, Pig. This thing's a lot.

[offscreen] Wow!

Otis

We have to rehearse.

Pig

But you said--

Otis

WE HAVE TO REHEARSE!

Otis

If you can't break glass like that freak girl, we'll never win.

Pig

Aw, come on, Otis, I'm tired. My throat hurts.

Otis

No, it doesn't. That's your soft palate burning with the desire to win. Now try again!

Pig

Okay. La, la, la, la, la, la, la, laaaaaa...

Otis

Higher... higher!

Pig

Laaaaaaaaaaaaa--[chokes] Ow... Ooh... Ow...

Abby

Uh, Otis? I think he lost his voice!

Otis

[frantic] No! Don't you see? He did it! It's so high, it can only be heard by rodents and scorpions! Tell him, rodent!

Pip

[playing cards] I don't hear nothing. How about you?

[playing cards with Pip] Nope.

Otis

No, this isn't happening! Okay, don't panic, it's fine. You know what, it's fine. He still has a few hours to get his voice back.

Abby

Actually, he's due on stage in 20 minutes.

Otis

YOU AND YOUR TRUTH! Milk me, come on! [takes Pig]

Freddy

This won't end well.

Abby

I know. Wanna go watch?

Freddy

I'm there.

Peck

I love a good train wreck.

Otis

Okay, Pig, you're up. But don't worry. I'll do your voice from behind the curtain. You just lip sync along.

Pip

Is that fair?

Otis

Fair don't puts Otis on the cover of Solid Gold Managers' Yo! Magazine.

Otis

Pigster, snack-tify us!

Pig

You got it! Who wants tater tinys? [a floating spatula smacks him all over his body] Ow, ooh, ow, ouch! You know, you could just say "no".

Otis

What? What are you talking about?

Otis

Um, that can easily be explained.

Otis

That is somewhat less explainable.

Otis

And that defies all known logic and reason. Welp, I'm off to Tibet. Good luck with everything!

Abby

Otis, I'm scared!

Freddy

[climbs on Otis] Me too!

Bessy

This has all the earmarks of a haunting. Otis, did anything weird happen while you were building your fun shack?

Otis

Weird? No. No, it was really easy, actually, after I removed this big, flat rock. [holds up said rock]

Bessy

"Here Lies Winky". Otis, this is a tombstone!

Freddy

[terrified] A tombstone?! Otis, you woke up a g-g-g-g-g-- [Peck slaps him on the back] apparition!

Pig

Oh, that means ghost!

Otis

Guys, guys, relax! There is no such things as ghosts.

Bessy

You were saying?

Otis

I'm guessing we have a ghost here. But I'm sure he is way more afraid of us than we are of him. [the tombstone hits him again]

Otis

[during the séance] Ghostly chanting, ghostly chanting, chanting ghostly, chanting, chanting, chanting, show yourself!

Bessy

Where'd you get that ridiculous mumbo jumbo?

Otis

Right here in the Big Book of Ridiculous Mumbo Jumbo.

Mail call! [tosses some letters to Otis]

Otis

Thanks, Badger. [looks through the mail] Man, I feel great! I mean, nothing, but nothing, could ruin a wonderful day like this. [spots one letter then screams as a thunderstorm appears behind him] Krouser Krebs? It can't be! [takes out a note and reads it] "Hey, Beef Boy."

[voiceover] "Long time, no see. Get ready. I'll be coming for you at 10 A.M. tomorrow." [echoes]

Pip

Dude, for the last time, what's bugging you?

Otis

Ugh, fine! I got a letter today from Krouser Krebs.

Pig

Krouser Krebs? I've never heard of him.

Otis

You've never heard of him? Check out this flashback. [a flashback shows Otis as a calf wearing a propeller hat] Not a day would go by when I wasn't bullied by Krebs.

Young Otis

[singing] La-la-la-la-la, someday my head will fit my body

Krebs

[voiceover] Well, well, well. If it isn't Beef Boy. Time to take a stroll down the meat aisle. [punches Otis from offscreen] T-bone, rump roast, filet, sirloin... [laughs] Now let's see what we got in the dairy section.

Young Otis

No, no, not the dairy section.

Krebs

2%, 1%, half and half... [laughs] Why are you squirting yourself? Stop squirting yourself. Clean up on aisle 3. [laughs] See you tomorrow, Beef Boy. [walks off]

Young Otis

Clean up on aisle 3.

Otis

Clean up on aisle 3. Clean up on aisle 3. [sighs] Krebs found me and he's coming for me at 10 A.M. tomorrow.

Pig

[looks at the watch] It's almost 10. Krebs will be here any minute.

Otis

And I'm so ready! [the others cheer] Yeah, I got my bags all packed and my flight leaves in two hours.

Krebs

[voiceover] Yo, Beef Boy.

Otis

Ahh, too late! Hide me!

Abby

Hang on a minute. Where's Krebs?

Otis

What do you mean "where's Krebs"? He's standing right there.

Peck

Right where?

Otis

There!

Pig

You mean, uh, behind the duck?

Otis? No, I haven't seen him.

Otis

No, not behind the duck, Krebs is the duck!