[Peck and Freddy approach Krebs]
We heard you're looking for Otis.
Otis is there, if you want him, you'd better go through us.
Hey, look, i don't want any...
[Peck and Freddy laugh]
You're in for it now, beak-face. You know why? I'll tell you why. Because we were the barnyard's champion taunters six years running.
Look, look, guys, i just want to talk to Otis, you see, I recently-
We know you are, but what are we?
[Peck and Freddy laugh again, then high-five each other]
I'm warning you, cut it out.
[The duo make goofy sounds, taunting Krebs. Krebs's head throbs and his eyes bulge up, turning bloodshot. He then blabbers and shakes with fury as Freddy and Peck look at each other, worried, then spins into a fight cloud]
Run away! [he and Peck try to run away from the fight cloud, but Krebs yanks them in, beating them up; poking out] Mommy!
[Abby gasps; Peck and Freddy are thrown into the barn doors]
He can't do that to our friends. Come on fellas. [charges toward Krebs with Pig and Pip at his side]
OtisNo, don't! He'll tear you into pieces while enumerating the parts of your body in an insulting fashion!
[The trio leap and begin to attack Krebs, but are caught in the fight cloud]
NNarrator
Two-hundred and thirty minutes later...
[Krebs continues beating up Pig, Pip and Duke]
[laughing] Oh, mercy! Come for the stupidity, stay for the butt-whupping.
Otis
I can't just stand here... To the well! AAHHH, WELL! [jumps in the well]
Otis
[as he watches Krebs beat up Abby] Oh, no, not Abby. Now he's gone too far.
[after finishing Abby off] I'll ask one more time. Where's Otis?
Otis
I'm right here, Krebs. And you're done pushing my friends around.
Otis, finally. Listen, I just want-
Otis
Have at you! [beats up Krebs] Duck sauce! Spicy wings! Crispy meat roll! DUCK À L'ORANGE! [belly flops on top of him]
[The others cheer for him]
Otis
I did it, I faced my fear. [suddenly, Krebs lifts him up off of himself] It's like I feel a foot taller.
[Krebs spins Otis and throws him against the barn]
[Looking at Otis, Krebs lifts his wing in a fist, then holds it out to him]
Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?
Otis
[looking confused] Huh? What do you mean? [as Krebs helps him up] Aren't you going to pound me into a pulp and use my ego as a chew toy?
No, Otis, I come here to apologize for being a jerk to you as a kid.
You'd better watch out. That's Chubs Malone, the top boss of the gopher underground. He plays for keeps.
Otis
I thought Tony Twocheeks was the top boss.
Not since he went on a fishing trip with Chubs, and never came back.
Otis
Oh, please. He probably just devoted his life to the open sea and married a mermaid. Happens all the time.
CMChubs Malone
[doing stand-up comedy] Thank you, you are all a wonderful audience. But tell me, what is the deal with broccoflower? It is neither broccoli, nor is it a flower. What is up with that? [the gophers laugh] Thank you! Is anyone here in a relationship? It's crazy, I tell you. You know what I'm talking about? [the gophers laugh]
Um, excuse me! Yeah, yeah. Hi, um... We don't get it.
[The gophers turn to the gang, shocked and offended.]
GGopher
You're gonna get it.
[Chubs snaps his fingers, and his bodyguards kick the animals out.]
CMChubs Malone
From now on, this is a gophers-only club!
Otis
What gives you the right to boss us around?
CMChubs Malone
My Fizzbin skills. [kisses his dice]
Otis
Oh, yeah?! Well, your... face is dumb! [Chubs throws his dice at Otis' face] Ow!
[Otis emerges from the barn, disguised as Bigfoot, making grunting noises.]
Oh, you're mine, buddy. [blows a tranquilizer dart into Otis]
Otis
[groans] Moo. [passes out]
Oh, yeah. Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy now, Bigfoot, huh?!
[investigates Otis] Wait a minute, this isn't Bigfoot! This is a cow dressed up to look like Bigfoot!
A shocking development. Someone has pasted fur on a cow to give him the appearance of Bigfoot! But who would pose such a cheap stunt just to get on TV?
[The TV camera focuses on Mrs. Beady.]
What? No! The cow's in league with him! He can tell you where Bigfoot is!
You're under arrest for Bigfoot fraud!
No, oh, my! [runs away screaming]
Hey! [blows a tranquilizer dart into Mrs. Beady]
[gasps] Oh, pretty colors... [passes out]
Otis
Kids, don't you know that exploding a silo in the sky, while hilarious, is one of the most dangerous pranks you could possibly do?! [in tears] I'm sorry, I'm just so proud of you right now. [his phone rings and he answers it] Hell-Otis. Oh, hey, Pip. Ah, I'm looking at it right now. Isn't it the best?
Yeah, well, it's not so great from INSIDE THE SILO!!!
[Otis listens to the animals screaming for help on the phone.]
Otis
Oh, no! Oh, kids, what did you do?!
MMacy
I'm sorry, Otis! We're really sorry!
Otis
It's okay, kids. It's okay. You didn't know anyone was inside, or that the silo's inevitable crash to the ground would cause massive internal injuries to those you love.
[Mrs. Beady's campaign video.]
AAnnouncer
Ned Bovine has nice hair, and can break boards with his head. But did you know that he wants talking barnyard animals to raise your children? Nora Beady will put an end to the talking animal menace once and for all. Her secret police will lock them in circus cages and send them back to Monster Island where they belong.
I'm Nora Beady, and I'll get tough with talking animals. And I'll make you fudge!
Otis
Lies! All lies!
Dude, you need to take this fight into the gutter!
Don't do it, Otis. Don't sink to her level.
Otis
Don't worry, Abby. I won't. I'm going to go even lower!
[Otis/Ned Bovine's campaign video.]
Otis
Nora Beady, your crazy eyes and ridiculous hair is not what the voters need. Why is it you can't understand this? Well, maybe it's because... YOU'RE NOT OF THIS EARTH! That's right. Nora Beady is an alien spawn from the volcanic netherworld of Planet Zorn, with mind-control fudge to harvest your precious human organs. It's time you tell the truth, Nora, or should I say... Mobile Flesh Unit Zelgrab X81?!
Paid for by the committee to crush Mrs. Beady like the alien spawn she is.
[Mrs. Beady has seen Otis' mustache fall off at the debate.]
Good people, something urgent has just come to my attention. I just discovered that my opponent, Ned Bovine, is a--
Otis
[coughs] Nutjob.
[scoffs] As I was saying...
Otis
[coughs louder]
Give me a break. You know what?
Otis
[cuckoo finger-twirl gesture] Whoooooo!
[louder] My opponent is a--
Otis
[blows raspberry]
Otis
[gargling water]
Otis
[noisily eating chips]
So, Mr. Jinx, what's the hardest part about being a dummy?
JMr. Jinx
Why don't you ask your pal, Otis? He's the biggest moron I know!
[The crowd laughs.]
Otis
[laughs, then gets confused] Huh?
JMr. Jinx
Hey, Peck! Some tree fungus just called! It wants its personality back!
[The crowd laughs as Peck is shocked. A horse spits out his water.]
JMr. Jinx
Why did the tubby, disgusting loser cross the road? To get away from Pig!
[The crowd laughs while Pig shows offense.]
Otis
Freddy, what's the big idea?! You could've killed me!
It wasn't me! Mr. Jinx did it!
Otis
Oh, really? Interesting. Well, perhaps Mr. Jinx would like to meet my hoof puppet, Señor Popo. [high-pitched voice] Hi, I'm Señor Popo, and if you ever throw an anvil at Otis' head again, he'll mess you up!
[gasps] Otis, your hoof puppet has a mind of its own too!
Otis
[growls]
They were controlling the dummy all along!
Otis
But why, termites? What'd we ever do to you?
TMTermite Mayor
Hello?! The tree you made the dummy from was our home! When you destroyed it, we vowed vengeance!
Otis
Awkward! Still, did you have to go on a psychopathic rampage? That is so inappropriate.
TMTermite Mayor
Yeeaah, you're right. We went too far, but you know.
[doing stand-up comedy] So the platypus says, "At these prices, you won't get many more!"
[The others laugh.]
Boy, these earplugs are great! I can't hear a word he's saying.
Otis
What?!
[louder] I said, these earplugs are great!
Otis
No, I won't date your grandmother!
Otis
I won't date Pig's grandma!
Thanks, I'm using a new shampoo!
Otis
What?!
Otis, does Pig seem to be acting odd to you?
Otis
Pig, odd? What are you talking about?
Butter churn, I can no longer resist your charms. Hold me.
Otis
Abby, what Pig and the butter churn have is beautiful, and I won't let you destroy it. [Pig kisses the butter churn] Okay, now it's getting weird.
Hey, Pig. You feelin' alright?
[suddenly angry] WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN, HUH?! No one talks to me like that! [Duke screams] Oh, it's over, Rover!
[Duke runs screaming with Pig on top of his head.]
"ANGRY?!" YOU BET I'M ANGRY! I AM SO ANGRY!
[dismounts Duke and hugs him sadly] Oh, Duke! I'm so lonely... [strangles Duke] NOW, I'M ANGRY AGAIN! VERY, VERY ANGRY!
Otis
Can't stand liver, won't eat ham, look out, stomach, here comes the shclam!
[The other animals scream, startled by Abby.]
Otis
Why are you yelling?!
Fellas, do you know why shclam looks and tastes like real clam?
Otis
A miracle of modern chemistry?
They zap it with a clam ray?
No! It's because shclam is clam! Look! [shows them Archie]
[The other animals gasp and yell in horror.]
Back at the Barnyard · 303 quotes
