Otis quotes from Back at the Barnyard

Otis

Okay, look on the bright side, alright? You can still make the pies for us.

Uh, that's a big negatory. You see, once you sign this contract, the recipe is mine. You can never make these pies again.

Otis

Never-- make pies-- again?

Hey! What in the name of canned ham are you all staring into space for?

Otis

Sorry, Fripplehoot, the pie's not for sale.

What the--

Otis

We have something that's worth more than a million bajillion dollars.

A zillion krajillion dollars?

Otis

No, our Sunday pie brunches. And we wouldn't give them up for anything.

[flabbergasted] Why, I-- This is outrageous! You'll hear from my lawyers, and by the way, those are the ugliest animal costumes I've ever--[Otis ejects him from the barn] seeeeeeeeeeeeen--!

Oh, yeah. It's a rich full life. The name's Bingo, test chimp #657. Lemme get this straight. Uhh, there's no one around here but us animals?

Otis

Yep. The farmer is at his sister's house in Pacoima. So just us.

Sweet!

What do you think, Otis? She's all repaired and ready to go.

Pip

Whoa, no way! Otis can't fly this thing; he can barely drive a stick.

Otis

Pip, relax. It's just a simulated flight. I mean, you know, Bingo wouldn't put his top test cow in any kind of danger.

Simulated. Yeah, you took these words right out of my mouth. [takes a control device from his spacesuit] Oh, oh, oh, and by the way, one little thing. It's not! [presses a button, trapping Otis and Pip inside the rocket]

Otis

What? Hey, what's going on? We're trapped!

That's right, cud boy, I'm sending you into orbit. Of course, there's no biggie for someone with your vast space experience.

Pip

Ground Control to Major Monkey. He lied!

Otis

We were nice to you. We said you could stay with us and some of us licked you. Why are you doing this?

Because I spent my whole life taking orders from humans. And I'm not about to start taking them from a cow. Any-moo, ten, nine, other numbers, blast off! [presses another button on the control device and the rocket lifts off, causing Otis and Pip to scream] [hooting] That's the last time we're ever going to hear from Otis the Daring Space Cow.

Abby

Bingo, what's going on?

Pig

What happened to Otis and Pip?

I sent your leader and his little-rat friend on a one-way trip. You're all taking orders from me now.

[after Otis and Pip landed the rocket] Good job, Otis, you passed the evaluation! [laughs] You know I was just testing you, wasn't I?

Otis

Really. You know, I got a little test for you.

[meeting his defeat] This isn't over, cow! I'll be back! You ought to wish you never had! [Pip presses the button on the control device, and the rocket launches up] Ugh! It smells like wet cow in here.

Otis

Alright, Abby, you ready for your first driving lesson?

Abby

I sure am.

Otis

Good. Now, the most important thing you wanna remember-

Abby

What's this button do? [presses the button]

Otis

Well, those are the windshield wipers.

Abby

Ooh! What's this? [honks the horn]

Otis

[irritated] Shhh, Mrs. Beady will hear you!

Pig

Can you crank the A/C? My thighs are stickin' to the seat.

Abby

Hey, what if I punch this real hard?

Otis

Don't-!

Freddy

AAAH! The car's inflating its giant stink sack!

Peck

Hang on, I got it. [deflates the bag]

Freddy

Okay, Otis, she's hotwired and ready to go.

Otis

Nice job, buddy. Alright, Abby. Now put 'er in reverse, and give 'er some gas.

Abby

You got it! I'll try not to hit Mrs. Beady.

Otis

See, that's great. You're already thinking defensively. That's the first sign of a good--

MRS. BEADY?!!

[singing] Good riddance, Mrs. Beady! Good riddance, Mrs. Beady! Good riddance, Mrs. Beady-y-y-y-y-y...!

Otis

[singing] You nosy meddlesome crank!

Otis

This is one sweet deal. We get some much needed "us" time, and Mrs. Beady gets to make macaroni bracelets at Camp Drools-A-Lot.

Freddy

[worried] Oh, sure. If as she doesn't mind the straitjackets, the padded cells, the burly nurses force-feeding you applesauce...

Otis

What? Freddy, what are you talking about?

Freddy

And don't get me started on the shock therapy! Zzz-ding! Zzz-ding! Soup's on!

Otis

Ah, stop! What do you mean? Shock therapy? Why would anyone do that to her?

Pip

Otis, she said talking animals crashed her car. That sounds crazy to me, and I'm a talking animal.

Freddy

Zzz-ding!

Otis

This is awful, and it's all our fault. Mrs. Beady may be annoying, but she's still our friend. Neighbor. Well, lady. Alright, organism. It doesn't matter! We are breaking her out of Camp Hoo-Hoo! [the other animals look disappointed] Alright, after we eat the cake.

Otis

[writing personal advertisement for the Farmer] Let's see now...Gloomy farmer seeking anyone with pulse. Hmm...We should hot it up a little.

Pip

Write he's rich. The ladies love cheddar.

Otis

[writing] Rich farmer.

Abby

And he got to have muscles!

Otis

[writing] Rich, beefcakey farmer.

Pig

Yes, but don't write farmer! Write [writing] exploding lion tamer.

Abby

Even more bulky! And write that he has a pony! [writing] Has a pony...

Otis

Okay, I will read it to you. Reflag 7-star number sign glare...Man, I wish we had fingers!

Pip

I can do it. [jumps on the keyboard] There, what do you think?

Otis

[reading] Wealthy, agricultural mogul with body of a Teutonic god wants to share his heart with you.

Otis

I can't believe no one's responded yet.

Peck

Now, now, Otis, you can't expect a miracle to just zoom up out of nowhere.

Freddy

[looks up into the sky with his hands out] You can't expect a plate of boneless chicken to just drop out of nowhere! ...I'M WAITING!

Pip

Check it out. That's the sixth night in a row they've been out together.

Otis

And you know what that means.

Pig

Their next date is free with the purchase of a large soda?

Otis

No. It means that the Saturday night party train is pulling back into the station! All aboard!

Otis

Otis wants to part-ay! Abby likes to part-ay! Pig, he is so pork-ay! Ferret, he likes satay!

Pig

Gotta say, not too crazy about the new digs.

Otis

I don't know. I kind of like it. It gives the chance to really know each other, like the various meats of a hoagie.

Otis

Oh, watch. It's just you and me. And I'm not letting you out of my sight. Why would I? I mean you're so round and pretty and shiny and... [hypnotized] ...wavy

Now listen up kid. You got to do exactly what I say.

Otis

Do exactly what you say.

You've got Farmer on the ropes. He's ready to fall. When you hear the bell, destroy Farmer.

Otis

When I hear the bell, destroy farmer. DESTROY FARMER! [falls to sleep]

Otis

Farmer! I can't believe you're not butter! I promise I'll never fool with hypnotism again.

Farmer

[freaked out] TALKING COW!

Otis

Maybe this one last time. [swings the watch in front of the farmer]

Farmer

[hypnotized] Pretty watch...

Otis

Freddy! Peck! Where are you guys? Pig's gonna eat your breakfast!

Pig

Uh, oh... Actually, uh...

Otis

Pig ate your breakfast!

Abby

I'm worried, Otis. They've been out all night. I bet they're cold, and hungry, and have terrible morning breath.

Otis

That's right! Run from the aliens! [laughs] Run before they suck out your brains and make smoothies with them!

Pig

Brain smoothies, huh? Do they use sherbert or frozen yogurt?

Otis

So, Bessy, I bet you're totally freaked out by these crop circles, huh?

Bessy

Well, judging by the bits of cornstalk still stuck to your hooves, I say you made those crop circles.

Otis

What? That's ridiculous!

Bessy

And from the bruises on Pig, I say you probably rolled Pig around like a steamroller to do it. Am I right?

Pig

I got these bruises at a carnival.

Bessy

And I bet he puked on Pip.

Pig

Did I? [Pip shudders, looking at Pig's filthy mouth, then runs away screaming] Wait! Come back! Did I?

Otis

When Bessie steps right on that spot, a rope will tighten around her ankle, then, she'll get spun around, squirted with lemon juice, and then, that basket of apples will fall all over her! [hysterical] Then, she'll get zipped out that window, AND SMASH INTO THE TREE, BEHIND THE OUTHOUSE! It's hilarious, even just talking about it. [laughs]

Pip

You've stopped sleeping, haven't you?

Otis

Yeah, it's been about three days.