[Leaving the bar, the lads start to make their way to Oz's car.]
Hey, why'd you have to give that German fella money anyway, Dennis?
Well, he got us the job, man. See, that's like his backhander, yer kna.
[A young lad in a red jacket with raven black hair with blue streaks, his bags, a spirit level and a Cockney accent exits the railway station]
Oy, oy! What's the word, then, eh?
Eh? What's the what then?
All right. [They walk off, but the man follows them to the car.]
You said you were off to, er, Düsseldorf, is that right?
OzEr... might be. [They open the car doors.]
Oz
Hey, hey!
Hey, any chance of a lift, like?
I'm afraid not, son. See, we've got all wor gear an' there's the three of us, like.
Yeah, yeah. Thanks. Do the same for you sometime, right(?) [Walks off, annoyed.]
Oz
Spurs. You can tell, man.
[Oz's car finally packs in on the Autobahn just outside Düsseldorf. They're stranded on the hard shoulder...]
Oz
[Under the hood with Dennis] Turn it over, Nev. Give it another try. [Neville does so, but it's no good.]
[A lorry passes by, but slows down on approaching the lads. The Cockney they met in Nijmegen pops his head out of the window.]
'Ey, 'ey? What's the word then?
Choked's as good a word as any!
[Laughs at the lads' misfortune] I might've given you a lift, y'know, but there's, er, not enough room for the three of you!
Oz
Ho'way with yer, London. We'll manage!
See you in church! [The lorry drives away]
[Gets out of the car and checks underneath] Bottom of the sump's dropped off!
Oz
What?
The sump, man! The oil's all run oot! Engine must have seized.
Nah. It's a new engine, that. [Frustrated, Neville gets the bags out of the car.]
If we get this fixed in a German garage, will the insurance cover it?
Oz
I doubt it very much, it's not insured.
It has to be insured, man, otherwise you couldn't've got the green card to get the car out of England.
Oz
Ah, well I cancelled the insurance when I got the green card to give us a bit of spendin' money for when I got 'ere, y'see.
You were ganna drive all the way to Germany without insurance? What if we had a crash? Eh? What if we'd ended up in a German hospital? We're not on the German national health, yer kna!
Oz
Well, we didn't, did we?
But we could've done! What if the engine had seized on the fast lane, eh? One of the them big juggernauts up our arse?
Oz
We've never been in the fast lane.
Should never have left nowt to you! [Slams the driver door shut in frustration] I won't again. You're totally irresponsible, you, Oz! It has to be said!
[The lads finally arrive at the site. The Cockney, Wayne, is already hard at work and watches them as they arrive. The lads meet their boss, Herr Grunwald, at the site entrance...]
Reporting for work, sir. [Hands papers to Grunwald] Patterson, Osbourne and Hope. Er, Herr Pfister signed us on - two brickies and a chippie. [Neville motions to Dennis] Er, unless you want another brickie.
Er, well we know one if you do.
Nein. [Dennis looks at Neville as if to say "I tried"] It is not good, I think, to arrive so late.
Yes, well sorry, sir. We had a bit of bother on the roads. [Glares at Oz] Look, can we just check in the hostel and we'll get back here smartish, eh?
The hostel is full. You will have to stay on the compound. [The lads look into the site]
I thought we'd be in the hostel.
First served, first come. Put your things in your hut. [Walks away]
Oz
'Hut'? What's he talkin' about, 'hut'?
It's pro tem, man. Pro tem. Howay.
[They grab their belongings and head inside the site...]
[To Dennis] You said we'd be in a hostel with table tennis and baths.
Aye, well we would've been, wouldn't we, if we'd've been on time! [Oz doesn't respond.]
Oz
Stalag 17 by the look of things.
Eeh, is there anywhere to go round here?
I don't know, Neville, you've seen as much of this place as I have.
Aye, but you've been here before.
Not to this site, I haven't. Neville, I can't choose the site! I'm a bricklayer, I'm not a bloody architect! [Spots a builder walking in their direction] Oi! [The builder approaches, he's significantly taller and more well built than the other three] Er, excuse me, d'yer speak English?
[In a Bristolian accent] 'Tis my mother tongue, my dear. Spoke it all my life. The name's Bomber.
Which is the best hut, Bomber?
Oh, I'd take that one. [Glances over to his left] The other one's got all the Turks in. We calls it the Casbah. [Walks off.]
[Dennis and Oz return to the hut after their first night into town, including visiting a brothel. Oz kicks a bucket over on his way in.]
[Whispering] Shut up, man, you'll wake everybody up, man.
[In bed] Can you be quiet, please?
Oz
Sorry, sorry, I kicked the bucket...
Aye? Sorry, did he wake yer up?
Nah, I wasn't sleeping. [Oz pulls up next to Dennis] Did yer have a good time?
Oz
Oh, hey, it was magic. Magic!
Did you go to the, er...?
Oz
Why-aye, I did.
Oz and Bomber did. I gave it a miss, me.
Oz
Ho, he's still there. I think he's bought a season ticket, Bomber.
Oz
Oh, Nev, it was fantastic. [Getting louder] I had this gorgeous tart, I mean, admit it, Dennis, wasn't she gorgeous?
Will you be quiet, please?
Oz
[Loudly] Ah, bollocks, man! [Slightly quieter] She was Eurasian, Nev, yer kna... or somewhere like that. But, I mean, let's face it, yer don't get the chance with birds like that back home, do yer? I mean...
Was it, like, different, was it?
Oz
Cor! Tell you one thing, mate - sex is in its infancy in Gateshead.
[Neville returns to the hut after a wild night out after what he intended to be his last day on the site. He is somewhat dishevelled and very hungover]
Look at the state of you! Where ya been?
Loads of places. Can't remember in what order.
Well, where did ya wake up?
Railway station. On a bench
It's a pity you didn't have your stuff with ya, yer could've hopped straight on the train.
Oz
Ay, where's Bomber?
I dunno, I think he went to the brothel.
Well, howay then, get yer gear together, and I'll get yer straight down the station.
Let me guess why, you lost all your money, haven't yer, eh? You've blown it all on booze and gambling haven't yer, just like Bomber! Haven't yer?
I dunno how I ended up, man. (Stands up and takes several bank notes out of his pockets) I divna understand this German money.
Oz
Look at that lot!
Did ya win? You're rich, bonny lad! [Oz and Dennis sort through the money]
Oz
Well, comfortably well off anyway. Ere, we'll charter a 747 with this, we can have him home for his tea!
I can't go home. Ever. (Starts to open his shirt)
Why not? Look, so you didn't stick it out, but you're going home with a wadful of money. Got nothing to be ashamed of, has he?
Oz
Oh, na!
Haven't I? How can I go home with this? (Shows a tattoo on his right arm - it's a pair of love hearts with the names "Neville" and "Lotte" on it)
Oz
Who's Lotte?
Oz
Hey, I know that one... [He starts whistling along, then starts singing] "My baby takes the morning train, she gans tae graft and... comes back again..." It's a English song, that, done in German.
That's 'cos we're in Germany, Oz. That way they understand it.
Oz
What, they translate the words?
Oz
Do they still have to rhyme?
Oz
Doesn't seem fair to me. Copycats. Why can't they write their own songs? [Calls out to German workers below] Ho! Why can't yer write yer own songs?
GWGerman worker
Wass? Verstehe das nicht. (What? I don't understand that.)
Oz
Oh aye, it's easy for you to say.
Watch, here comes mein Fuhrer.
Oz
What, is he headin' over 'ere?
Oz
Right... [He sits down, grabs his beer and drinks it.]
[Pointing his trowel at Oz] Is he barmy? Takin' a tea-break when the chargehand comes round?
Does it on purpose, Bomber.
Oz
Principle, Bomb.
I sometimes think Oz ain't playin' with a full stack.
Oz
Look, man, I don't go kow-towin' to authority like what they do. Yer put a chimpanzee in a uniform and they'd salute it. "I was only obeyin' my orders." That's like their national motto, man. [Ulrich speaks to a worker] And if you've got owt to say, say it to me face, pal!
He's not talkin' about you, Oz. He's talkin' to the Germans.
Oz
He is.
How d'you know when you can't speak a word of German?
Oz
I understand more German than what you think, mate.
[Approaching Oz] And I know more English thank you think... For instance, I know the English word "tea-break".
Oz
Look, Mr. Ulrich, I do me whack same as the next man, right? And if I do it any faster, it entitles us to take me tea break when I want to, alreet? Now at the end of the day, you'll find the same amount of bricks laid here as anywhere else on the site, alreet?
If this true... everything okay. [Oz nods. Ulrich turns to leave.] Danke Schön.
Oz
And donkey shite to you too, pal. [Ulrich leaves]
Hey Oz, why do you antagonise people for no good reason?
Oz
Just don't like to see them Germans gangin' up on wor, man.
They're not, man. Those lads are just doin' a job o' work, same as us. We're on their turf, man. We're happy enough to take their Deutschmarks come the end of the week, aren't we?
Oz
Well, what's that got ta do with it? Wa earn it, don't wa, 'cos we're the best!
[Giving up, he turns away] Eh, Bomber, I tell yer he's always gotta have the last word. It's hopeless, man! It's like beatin' yer head against a brick wall.
Oz
Aye, well if yer dae, divven't bang it against a German bit, 'cos it'll fall doon.
Hey, she was a bit tasty that interviewer, eh? Old Nev should've steamed in there!
Oz
Aye, they've got some canny boilers, the Germans, like, I'll give 'em that.
But nothin' else, though.
Oz
. Well, the beer's passable. [His comments start attracting the attention of a few German workers]
Oz
No, no, no. To be fair, I've only been here three weeks, I mean.
Doesn't make any difference, does it? You could be here three years, and all you'd see was bierhalles, massage parlours...
Oz
So yer gettin' at me again? [Bomber nods]
Look, you could use workin' here as an education, yer kna. You could learn from it.
Oz
Look, man, look. I lay bricks, that's what I do. I get up in the morning and for eight hours a day, five days a week, I lay bricks, alreet? It doesn't make no difference to me if it's Dusseldorf or Darlington. I just lay bricks man. [The German workers shake their heads and prepare to confront Oz.]
It depends how you use your time off, don't it, eh? I mean Nev's got the right idea, he's integrating himself, I mean.
Oz
Oh, has he?
Yeah, that's what Kevin Keegan did. When Kevin Keegan went to Hamburg, he made a real effort to adapt...
Oz
[To Dennis, who's gone to the bar] Get us a bottle, will ya?
And Mrs. Keegan! They learn the language, and they made a wide variety of friends amongst the German community.
Oz
Oh, aye? So how come he transferred to Southampton, then? I mean Germany must be pretty desperate if he preferred Southampton!
[Returning to the table with some more beers] Have yer been there, like, have ya? [Three of the German workers stands behind Dennis.]
Oz
Course I have...
GWGerman worker
I have a question for you.
Oz
Oh aye? Wanna see me papers, do ye?
GWGerman worker
If Germany is such no good place, why don't you piss off back to England? [Dennis winces as Oz breaks a bottle and grabs the German worker]
[To the barman] Six pils, and six rounds of ham and cheese. [Oz enters the bar, the lads say nothing.] What'll it be, Oz?
Oz
Just the usual.
[To the barman] Another pils.
Oh don't be daft, he only wants a swift half.
Oz
Well what's I done now?
[Gets up and approaches the bar] All right.
Oz
What's I done?
That don't count! Come on, man. Give him a beer. [The barman reluctantly puts a seventh beer on the table. Oz goes over to the others.]
Did you get the boot then?
Oz
Aye, yeah. [He sits at the table, with the others, followed by Barry and Dennis, who puts a beer in front of Oz.]
I'm really sorry, Oz. I didn't mean...
Oz
Oh nae, it's not your fault, Neville, it's them bastards!
Come off it. You've only got yourself to blame, you brought this on yourself.
Oz
How's that, like?
Because you're always soundin' off at the Germans! They're just a canny bunch of lads, same as the rest of us!
Oz
Oh aye? Not that Ulrich!
Well, alright, he's a hardnose. But it's his job, man.
Oz
Well Ulrich can put his job right in the shit, couldn't he, if you'd've back us up!
Oz
Walk off in protest.
Oh, right, like a confrontation with the management over his unfair dismissal.
What good d'ya think that's gonna do?
Oz
Well it's ganna leave 'em short, isnit? Then what's he ganna dae?
He's gonna ring the agent and order another six Brits! He's got plenty to choose from, there's three million unemployed back home!
Oz
Well, it shouldn't be allowed. It's shouldn't! I mean, we've got wor rights, haven't we?
We haven't got any rights, Oz! We're on the lump, man, we're black. Look, if you want worker's rights, then register with the Germans. Pay them income tax, welfare, insurance. Can't have it both ways.
Oz
[Quietly] Right. So... [Louder] So... What yer sayin' is you won't back us up! One of yar own mates! Is that it?
Look, Oz, I'm sorry you got the boot, right? We all are. But I can do sod all about it.
Oz
Well you're the one that talked Grunwald into letting Neville stay, aren't ya?
There were two other factors that helped Neville: A - the bomb, and B - your big mouth.
Oz
What?
Look, I've seen blokes like you come and go all the times I've worked in Germany. Never been out the UK before. Never eaten foreign food, never drank foreign beer. Fish out of water without the wife or the mother to lend a guiding hand. After a week they've lost their passports, they've got pissed, lost most of their money, and become ridiculously nationalistic for the country that can't even bloody employ them in the first place. man! [Oz gets up and walks towards the exit]
Oz
Me? No, no, I know when I'm not wanted? [Exits the bar.]
[After the German workers convince Herr Grunwald to reinstate Oz, the lads decide to invite them to the hut for some beers and a game of darts. Bomber and Moxey put a light above the dartboard]
[Plugs the light in] That's it. Perfect. [The light is a bit dim.]
Could've done with a stronger bulb, though.
[Takes a beer from a crate] D'you reckon we've got enough in, Den?
Well if there's not, it's easy enough to get some more, innit?
Oz
Aye, ey, they drink a bit, them Jerries! Maybe as much as us!
Listen, Oz, Listen, everybody, it's because of those Jerries that Oz is still here. Don't want anybody forgetting that, right? [Murmurs of agreement] When those German scaffolders turn up tonight, let's all make sure that we have a good night. Agreed? You especially, Oz.
Oz
Oh, absolutely.
And this darts match, right, it's not the World Cup, or a replay of World War II. It's just meant to cement the harmony and the goodwill amongst the British and the Erics. Agreed? [Murmurs of agreement] Good.
Oz
Mind you, it might only be a darts match, but us British have still got to try and hammer these Germans.
Oz
'Cos they're the bastards that bombed me granny!
Oz
It's ten to six, yer kna.
Yes. Yes, it is, yes, Oz.
Oz
Yeah, but he was supposed to be here at two o'clock!
Well, maybe his car broke down.
Oz
It's not reet!
Well I can think of better things to do than hang around here on a Friday night freezin' me nuts off.
[Dagmar and Ulrich exit the office, their working day done.]
Wiedersehen, Dagmar. Oh, schönes Wochenende. (Goodbye, Dagmar. Have a nice weekend.) [Some of the workers wolf whistle and make suggestive noises at Dagmar as she walks past. Ulrich approaches Oz] What's this? Some kind of British protest meeting?
Oz
We want wor wages, don't wa?
It is not my responsibility, it's the agent who pays you.
Oz
We know that, we know that, we just don't know where he is, man.
This is your business, it is not mine.
Oz
Oh well that's alright, but if we don't get paid, we just don't come to work next week, alreet?
Well, then I send for more out-of-work Engländers. [He gets in his car.]
We'll get no joy out of him, y'know. [Ulrich drives away, but not before Magowan furiously slams his hand on the roof of the car.]
[Entering the hut] Hey, yer seen them lunatics standin' out there, eh? As if that's ganna make him turn up any faster, y'know what I mean, eh!
Mind, Mr. Pfister's never usually this late, Dennis. I like to get to the post office on a Friday night, that way Brenda gets her money first thing Monday morning. [Moxey pulls the towel all the way over his head and over the bowl.]
Ey, there's no panic, man. I mean, yer kna, Don't forget... [Lights his cigarette] This bloke, he must cover, what, fifteen sites in a day, y'know. He could've got held up, had a puncture, yer kna, anything.#
[Lifts up his towel] It's like what Bomber told us the other day... [sniffs] ...there were thirty other Brits, y'know, when he was workin' in Essen a year ago waiting for their money. The agent never turned up at all.
[Pulls the towel back over the bowl and coughs before pulling the towel back] Well, it turns out... he'd legged it to Hamburg. Left his wife, took all their money and some young Fräulein, y'know, from the a-architect's office. [Coughs and covers his head again.]
Oz
Well, I've had enough of this. I mean, there's no point in standin' here like spare pricks at a wedding, is there? I mean, he knows where we live, doesn'he? [Turns and heads back to the hut]
You're right. Might as well get back and put the kettle on, eh? [Also turns and leaves]
Ah well, can't keep a nice young Fräulein waiting, I'd better wash me barnet, eh? [Turns and leaves. Barry follows suit.]
[Brandishing a hosepipe connected to a gravel suction pump] Well I'm gonna wait it out. Y'know what I'm gonna do when he does turn up?
I'm gonna connect 'im to this hosepipe there and I'm gonna blow gravel right up his jacksie.
Ah, yes, that is one approach, Magowan, yeah. On the other hand, you could always take a hard line though(!) [Magowan throws down the hosepipe and glares menacingly at Barry, who promptly backs away and heads with the others to the hut.]
Auf Wiedersehen, Pet · 320 quotes
