So once again you're left with the classic Irish man's dilemma, do I eat the potato now or let it ferment so I can drink it later?
S3 E8Lo Scandalo
What is your problem with the Irish?
You mean besides not being on our side in World War II?
Yeah, besides that. Wait, seriously? They were Nazis?
No!
Well, they're not Japanese...
Neutral!
I need access to a two-inch drain, hot water, three GFCI outlets--this bathroom should do nicely--and a pot of coffee just like I like my women: black, bitter, preferably fair trade.
You got a potato?
What is this? Christmas? And is Krieger...hard at work?
He literally might be, yes.
Ew.
Somebody's trying to frame Malory for murdering the Prime Minister of Italy.
Oooo, I bet it's that wicked king!
I needed help...disseminating him.
Eww!
Not what it means.
Still pretty gross though.
And brilliant. When I'm done with him, each one of us will walk out the front door carrying a small parcel.
How small?
[holding hands a little over a foot apart] Eh. Then on our way home, we simply drop the parcels into seven different trash cans in three different boroughs.
That's...actually pretty smart.
And hopefully, when you look at all the different drop points on a map, it'll look like a big smiley face.
That's actually pretty gross.
Every single time we come here, we have to help you get rid of a dead body.
Well you've only been here twice.
Speaking of, why the hell was the prime minister of Italy here?
ALArcher/Lana
Don't ask.
And follow-up, did those dastardly dagoes kill him and then dress him up like a big, giant penis, or...
Oh, God, that reminds me. KRIEGER!
Yeah, I found it!
Found what?
ALArcher/Lana
Don't ask!
Can I keep it?
Keep what?
ALArcher/Lana
Don't ask!
Just get it out of here, please!
Yeah, take that tone.
I hate all of you so much.
No one cares, Figgis. You're only here to round out the numbers.
But Krieger, wait. The bathroom, the body, how did you--
[puts his finger over Malory's mouth] Shh shh shh shh shh shh shh. You don't want to know. But you do probably want to go wash your lips now.
S3 E9Bloody Ferlin
RGRandy Gillet
[pointing gun] Don't you move. Don't move a inch.
What do you mean, "don't move"?! I came to help, you asshole!
Well, you ain't gonna be much help with your legs blown off. There's mines all in the yard.
Ray, to be honest, I'm kind of having second thoughts about this whole thing.
Uh, get in line.
JJanelle
Randy Gillet, where are your manners? Get these folks the map of that damn minefield so they can come inside. [seductively] I've got some nice hot pie for 'em.
Okay, now I'm having third thoughts.
Oh, please don't.
It would be rude not to eat her pie, which I assume is not only hot, but also moist... Although hopefully not flaky.
So is it just E.Z. coming or...
No, it's the whole sheriff's department. I'd say twenty men, AR-15s, maybe grenades, oh...dogs! Duh.
Ray, I'm having fourth thoughts.
Well I got a few tricks up my sleeve. Janelle, why don't you take Mr. Archer and show him the defensive perimeter.
JJanelle
I'd be delighted.
[as Archer and Janelle walk out] Well, now, wait a second...
Fifth thoughts!
Archer!
Don't worry, she won't bite. But speaking of, it's about suppertime. You still partial to fried chicken?
[having snapped a rooster's neck] I'll cook it... if someone shaves it or whatever.
Do you want to have sex with my wife?
No! I... I swear, this was just an extremely unlikely mishap with the barbed wire.
Because we would be amenable to that. Well? Why do you look so nonplussed?
Because I wasn't sure if you knew what "amenable" actually meant, until you followed it up with "nonplussed."
I feel sick. What's happening? Do I have cancer again?
You drank too much!
That's a thing?
I'm coming out.
Ha ha, phrasing.
S3 E10Crossing Over
For I am a sinner in the hands of an angry God. Bloody Mary, full of vodka, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now and at the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Archer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.