Where are those girls? Did you give them the money yet?
Does it look like it?
I was supposed to buy them wine coolers!
S3Robositter
[Carl and Meatwad stand in front of Carl's burned down house]
So it's either you definitely should not play with matches, or you definitely should.
CCarl
It's definitely one or the other.
Which one you think it is, Carl?
S3Little Brittle
I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. [hangs up phone]
Dammit! Why did you hang up on me?! Hit redial!
[phone rings]
Hello?
Hello... this is Mr. Brown. I believe that we got disconnect-
I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. [hangs up phone]
Ohh dammit!
Please come visit me dawg
Well back in 1912 I could kick your ass
I did the tango and the foxtrot before it got banned
There was ragtime and jazz before there ever was rap
Now I'm trapped with a colostomy bag in my pants...
Oh no!
Oh yeah!
Oh Hell no!
Hell yeah!
We are not doing this again. No way.
Yeah way!
This is MC Pee Pants isn't it? Isn't it?!
No.
Okay fine. Sir-Loin right?
Nope.
Okay, well who is it, then?
Guess. [looking back and forth at a poster] Where are my eyes lookin'?
Will you just tell me who he is? 'Cause I'm not gonna look at your poster.
This here's Little Brittle and the C-bag. And he's kickin' it, elderly school.
Where do you two think you're going?
Wherever the hell we want.
Not without me!
We're going to see Little Brittle at the old folks home.
Go without me!
(Flipping through pictures) You don't remember meeting us? Okay, a couple of years ago, you were a six-foot-tall spider that wanted us to help you drill a hole into the earth to unleash demons to run your global diet pill pyramid scheme.
The what?
All right, what about this one? A year later, you were a cow that tried to get us to bring all our garbage to you so you could use flies to evaporate the walls of a bank so you could get the money and-- Ooh.
[Flips to picture of himself in an S & M mask and quickly flips away]
--Uh... so you could get the money to rent patio furniture that you hadn't paid for yet.
And this is us at dinner right before we sent you to the slaughterhouse.
Frylock! You're not gonna believe this! A prowler broke in here and forced your cupcakes in my mouth, and he said if you don't leave the room right now, and let him use the internet, he'll shoot me!
Fine.
He has a gun, you know.
Well, he said he'd shoot you, so I did figured it was a gun.
Frylock, I am completely serious here- [Frylock picks up a tray of cupcakes]... You had MORE cupcakes?!
Oh you think I can just leave whatever the hell I want around you?
Well I leave things around you and I don't cry!
See, I released it in Transylvania so vampires would come and visit me and I could get them to bite into my neck and then I could become immortal! Why the hell do you think I made myself look so sexy on the cover?!
See, I knew it. I knew some bullshit was up with you. I knew it!
Look, yo. Brittle needs to live forever! Otherwise I go down to hell and Satan send me back as something worse! He's got all these ideas... he don't tell me none of them!
Why don't you just become Christian?
That way when you die, you go to heaven, away from bad ol' Satan.
Can I do that? I mean, are they cool with vampires, because I gots to feast on blood!
No, you can only become one or the other. And the other, which is a vampire, is impossible.
Well then I guess I'm a Christian. Oh yeah, bringin in the sheaves ya'll! Who knew I had it in me? I did. Now kill me, quick!
We're not going to kill you. The moral thing to do is to let you die naturally..alone, in a pile of your own filth.
Look, it's easy. Just build a time machine, go back into prehistoric times with a satellite tracking device and a laser gun, blow up the comet, save all the dinosaurs so they don't die out and create fossil fuels, so there ain't no energy to feed my food tube.
Or we could just pull this plug right here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..do that!
S3Moon Master
[to Shake] Hey, hey. Yeah, you. Where is my high powered video game console? I will kick some ass if I do not find it.
I told myself I wouldn't do this, but you've been so good this week that I upgraded it with these special chips.
[Meatwad's game console is covered with food crumbs]
[Eating the crumbs] Mmmmh, thems chocolate chips.
Yeah, and "thems", ants! It's a new game called "Ant Madness" only this time, the game is real. Can you handle it?
Deliciously. Hows it work? What's the object? How many bosses must I face?
It is a race against time and terror to save the world starring Eric Stoltz.
Oh, yea yea I play this all the time.
Play again! Hurry man, before there's still time!
[rolling around in ants] Just roll around in there?
Yeah just piss them off real good.
[reading from a note] The Gorgotron has destroyed our armies and villages and people and all of our pets and he has layed waste to all of our...craps.
Crops is what I typed, Err.
But it says "craps".
I know, Err.
Craps is funnier.
I've processed that humor.
It should be craps, cause craps is a funny word.
Maybe we'll go with that.
So buying all this stuff is going to help you kill this Gorgotron thing? How? Just tell me that.
Well wouldn't your ass like to know.
That is why he asked.
I know, Err, shut up. I am in control of this conversation.
CCarl
Hello lady or gentleman of the house. My name is insert name and I am the one and only Moon Master, savior of..uh.. [looks up to see Shake and Meatwad dressed as moon masters] Oh man. They already talked to you didn't they?! Dammit!
Shake!! Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Shake, Sha-
(screams angrily) What?!
(sees Shake glaring at him in front of the Aqua Teen door) Oh, so you just waltz out here and think that you gonna face a true warrior? ..and then, ya know.. sign my sheet and be part of my warrior list..
Oh you better believe I will! After these messages![He goes inside and watches TV. Meatwad calls him again. He comes outside and uses a shotgun and shoots Meatwad's toy sword]
[Shake fires a shot gun at Meatwad's toy scept]
You done messed up the Lunar Sceptor! There is but one in the known galaxy! Well, thank God I bought the three-pack.
Thank God I brought three shells. Come on, whip 'em out.
Well, whip on this. [pulls out an amulet] All right, hang on. Sha na na na na, sha na na na.
[the amulet glows and makes a sound like the ATHF theme]
What the hell are you doing?
G-Get a job.
"Get a job?" What?
You feelin' like any sorta like, meltin' sensation?
No, but if I do I'm going to totally tell on you and then you'll have to go to jail.
No, no, no! Please, don't tell!
Oohhh, now that you mention it...
No, no, don't, just, I-I won't do it again. I won't do it again. But stand still.. I'm gonna do it again. Sha na na na-
[Shake fires shot gun at amulet]
Impossible, the lunar melting amulet is constructed of high tensile moon noodles. No mortal man can destroy it.
Yeah, that's right.
Then you, too, are a moon master!
Now and forever.
Please help us [snickers] save our craps! [laughs]
Stop, Err! You're fueling my silent rage!
S3Diet
Hey Carl, how's it going?
CCarl
Hey what?
I'm just power walking.
CCarl
What are you frickin' doing that for? You're just gonna die.
Yeah I know, but I need to drop a couple pounds. My feet's so fat I can't get into my roller skates, and my neckerchief don't fit anymore...look at this...[squeezes neckerchief on]...eeeeeehhh eeeh! [it doesn't fit at all] 'This a stickup!' It don't work. I do this at a bank robbery, I look like a fool.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.