Shake? [Music is blaring loudly from a well in the Aqua Teen's front yard] Shake, what the..? Yo, Shake!
[music turns off]:
Hello? Is that you, Frylock?
What are you doing down there?
I was just going to get some water for the village. But I must have slipped, and I blacked out. [He pokes his head out of the well] Where's the women?
Where did this well come from?
Hey, Frylock. Where the 'hell' did we get this 'well?'
Meatwad, you watch your mouth.
C'mon. The 'Old-abandoned-well?' F.., read the press release!
[Reading off the back of a picture of Shake] 'Man falls down 'Old-abandoned-well.'
There's only a limited number of those, so, uh, put it back when you're done.
[There is a beeping noise heard from the well] And, so is my dinner.
Somethin' smells like chili!
For the first time in his mealy, friggin' little life! Turns out there's an 'old-abandoned-microwave' where I got stuck. With chili, food, couple magazines. So, call channel five, get them broads over here, and tell them about the tragedy of my trappedness. Work in to it, though. Build it up. [He goes back into the well] Hot women only!
[Holding a hose down the well] Turn this ass-monkey on, full blast!
Will you quit sayin' ass!
I just ASSed you to do somethin' for me.
Meatwad, you watch your mouth.
I said 'ask!' Blast-hole.
(notices the dirtfoot of the couch) Hey, who's this ol' boy?
Oh, that's my roomate, more like 'doom-mate'.
That's the legendary dirt monster Dirtfoot.
Oh, don't even look at him.
You're kidding, the Dirtfoot.
Yeah, thanks for not rinsing out your dishes in the sink Dirtfoot, that's really legendary of you.
I always thought Dirtfoot was just a hoax.
And he likes to leave his very real, giant sock, draped over the couch like a freakin' Afgahn, so that others may enjoy the serenity, of his 2000 year old footsweat! (He kicks the couch and Dirtfoot growls at him). Let's, ah, move over here. (He leads Frylock and Meatwad to the kitchen). This guy is driving me ape shit.
Well, why don't you just evict him? I mean, it's your well isn't it?
Shut up, man. (He covers Frylock's mouth and looks over at Dirtfoot). Um, because he hurts me.
Well, I always heard that Dirtfoot was kind of a...
Here we go. What Meatwad what.
Well, legend says that Dirtfoot was...you know, kind of a asshole.
(Runs over to Dirtfoot). You see, I'm not the only one! (But then Dirtfoot gets up ans looks at him angrily). No, don't! (Dirtfoot kicks him in the stomach). It wouldn't be much of a problem except he keeps kicking in the exact same spot.
Well, Shake, I've seen him, we got to go.
Okay, but before you go, please, get some chicks? I got receptio down here. (Dirtfoot kicks him of screen and the elevator closes and Frylock smiles). Why must you kick?
It's okay, Shake, because whoever you decide that you are, I still gonna love you. But just not in a gay way, because God makes all people in different sizes and shapes and problems, but he only makes the people he hates gay. That's you. You it, boy. You gay!
No, I'm not! You don't know me! *runs off upset*
Hey Frylock, what does that gay mean?
[Carl is commenting on Shake and Dirtfoot's relationship to reporters]
Oh yeah, they've been pretty much common-law married for years. It's cool, I don't have a problem with that. I'm fine with it. I don't think it's, you know, constitutional. But, you know, they do whatever they want, as long as they ain't flaunting it out in my yard or nothing, 'cause, you know...[Intensely] I'm a man.
[Reading a bill from their mailbox] All right, let me see what we got here, hmm, bill … $2,600 … $2,600! What the … ! [Meatwad slams the front door and locks it] Hey! Hey, open the dam door!
[Meatwad is using the hair dryer] What?
Oh, okay. [Turns off hair dryer and opens door] Sorry I was featherin'
Featherin'? Featherin' what?
You don't have hair! [Meatwad begins to cry] Okay, okay, Meatwad I'm sorry, you have hair, you have beautiful, sticky, wet hair.
[Stops crying] Why thank you. Don't mess with it.
Bling blong, baby! It represents my lifestyle and status as a street-savvy irreverent youth who lives large, yet hungers for the next level in life. You know, Boost Mobile is the premium "youth focused" communication network and instant gateway to opportunities. [chirp] That's the chirp! I gotta take this. Hey, where you at dawg?! What?! Eh, "youth focused", "youth focused"...
I want you to listen to something.
BMBoost Mobile Phone
Chirp.
You hear the "chirp"? Isn't that clear?
Isn't it clear that I'm gonna just completely fuck your ass up if you don't take three steps back?
[Master Shake stares blankly at Carl.]
It's not, is it? You just look at me. Look at him lookin' at me-
But you can make and receive cellular calls with this! Give it to him!
BMBoost Mobile Phone
Where you at, dog?
I'm on my land. We're both in America, which used to be a good country, until they started lettin' people like you do whatever you want.
BMBoost Mobile Phone
Hey dog, where you at?
[Carl points at the dividing line between his neatly trimmed and the Aqua Teens' not-so-neatly-trimmed yards.]
This line, here? Line of Death. You cross it, and your freedoms no longer exist. Um-kay? Have a good day.
Well I'm gonna...roll...with my homies...on Lakeshore. Yeah, that's right.
That's just where we were goin!
And if we have time, we might even....get some hoes.
(on the roof) And snuggle with 'em and give 'em a kissy-kiss. Cuz they's good girls, even though they hoes.
(to boost mobile phones) Come on dogs, let's roll!
2B2nd Boost Mobile Phone
Bitches and hoes baby!
(the two phones fall into a pitfall trap)
Uuuggh! (throws a huge boulder on the pitfall)
YES! Now let's go inside and get some SLEEP!
Well, at this point my checks have cleared, so my hands are unfortunately tied at this point. You realize I'm an action hero?! I don't have time for this crap! YES, I said crap! [Throws down the phone]
[More than ten Boost Mobile phones materialize outside, looking very angry]
BMBoost Mobile Phone
Hey, DOG! WHERE YOU AT?!
BMBoost Mobile Phone 2
Where you at, dog?!
Woah! You do have molecular transporters! [The phones start hopping closer, drawing switchblades; Shake laughs nervously] Downloadable switchblades! That's a new feat-OH NO!
[The Boost Mobile phones charge into the house, tackling Shake and slamming the door behind them; Frylock and Meatwad stand out in the yard and listen]
ASAXE Spray Can
Hey! It's AXE Body Spray! Where are the girls?
Naw, there ain't no girls here. Can I help you, though?
ASAXE Spray Can
[Looking uncertainly between Frylock and Meatwad] Uh, yeah. Are you the milkshake guy...?
Gettin' his ass WHUPPED ON!
ASAXE Spray Can
Is that gonna be long?
All NIGHT! Can I get you somethin'?
ASAXE Spray Can
No, no, I'm good. I'm in the credits.
