Frylock quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Also [puts his hat on] I joined the Marines.

Frylock

You did what?

I joined the Marines.

Frylock

Where am I?

Welcome to Canada, Frylock. The key to the trap on your head is implanted in your skull, just behind your right eye. On the table in front of you is a grapefruit and grapefruit spoon. Do the math.

Frylock

Wait, wait! What's the grapefruit for?!

[pause] I don't know actually, I forgot. You think you can maybe...grab your jaw and sort of rip your head open. I want to see inside there! Rip your head open!!

Master Shake

Frylock! We found you! I miss your beautiful face!

How was Canada?

Frylock

Canada? Uh, Canada sucks.

Well, so does the Marines.

Master Shake

Uh, Hello! What are you doing over there without me?

Frylock

I'm updating my MySpace page.

Master Shake

Well, I'm about to update your My FACE page with my ASS unless you get in there and read us a story!

I don't want to hear a story, I wanna watch a story.

Master Shake

No, no, the TV is tired of you looking at it!

How do you know? You don't know the TV.

Master Shake

I do! I'm very good friends with the TV. That's how we get all the good shows.

What are you doing, Frylock?

Frylock

I told you once already.

Master Shake

Look. I'm about to whip it out. And I'm gonna urinate all over this room and you will WISH that I did not ingest all that asparagus.

Frylock

All right, go ahead. Whip it out.

Master Shake

He wants to come out and punish you.

Go on. Show him.

Master Shake

Oh, I will. In private. Because there's not enough room in here.

Frylock

Will y'all SHUT UP?! Meatwad, will you pick up this fake vomit? I'm havin' my new friends over for drinks, and they don't need to be seein' that, okay!

Well, only some of it is fake.

Master Shake

Oh, yeah? I'm having friends over too and believe me when I tell you my friends will hurt your friends! They're gonna call them names and beat the ever-loving-sweet crap out of them!

That one's fake... [Meatwad proceeds to roll down the vomit-encrusted hallway, pointing out which is fake vomit and which is real vomit]

Master Shake

Seems like there's a lot more real than fake down here...

Frylock

Will you shut the fuck up and vacuum the hall!

Master Shake

...okay...

Master Shake

I'm making a mojito. Everyone... who would like a mojito.

Frylock

You know we only have one glass, Shake. Keep you nasty mouth off of it, okay? Save it for our guests....for..them to..share.

Master Shake

Someone wants a knife fight. Someone I'm looking at.

Frylock

You sincerely mean that?

Master Shake

Maybe I do. I just don't like the way you boss me.

Frylock

You just calm down, all right? And don't say something like that in front of my friends.

Bert Banana

Interesting, interesting. Tell me this: have you read King Kong?

Frylock

Uh, no.

Bert Banana

You have, okay, and you believe THAT don't you? But before you answer me, I just...uh... you know what? Go ahead and pour me a little bit of a full glass of that rum.

Mortimer Mango

Bert, you've been sober for 47 straight days (pouring rum down the sink)

Frylock

Hey, dammit, that's my rum! You don't have to pour it down the sink, man!

Mortimer Mango

We're going to do it together. Right, Bert?

Bert Banana

You don't have a monkey wrench, do you?

Tammy Tangerine

Bert, I know what you're thinking and...

Bert Banana

What, I'm not going to dismantle the pipes and drink from the U-trap. I mean, that's what an animal does! (Mortimer turns on faucet)

Bert Banana

Dammit, Mortimer, you're diluting it!

Bert Banana

Get out of my way, you orange whore! (throws Tammy Tangerine)

Hold that thought.

Bert Banana

Stupid! Someone unscrew these pipes or I will shoot myself tonight! I will do it this time!

Tammy Tangerine

No, honey, don't!

Don't worry. This is... this happens... a lot. And I have his gun.

Bert Banana

Son of a... dammit!

Tammy Tangerine

No, honey, don't!

Bert Banana

Useless... surgically attached... banana hands!

I'm so sorry. We're not normally not like this.

Bert Banana

Okay. All right I see and now you want sex with the fries. Is that it? Yeah, tell him some more lies! That's what you're good at! Lies from the wolf!

Tammy Tangerine

I'm sorry, Bert.

Bert Banana

Yes, you are... a sorry sack of tangerine bitch. Go do him! I'll watch! Do it before thine eyes!

Tammy Tangerine

Oh, Bert, please don't hit me!

Bert Banana

Then get the liquor faster.

Frylock

Well, ya'll make yourself at home. I need to go get some uh...

Bert Banana

Son of a... damn it!

Frylock

Ah, fuck it. I just need to go.

Oh, good, you're still here. So... um, wow. So before you mentioned you were into science.

Frylock

Yeah, man.

Mortimer Mango

Yeah, that must be a fun job.

Frylock

Look, I don't have any cocaine.

Mortimer Mango

I was not going to ask you for cocaine, sir.

Frylock

Good. Then I don't have to answer it.

Mortimer Mango

Well I used to be an addict. I mean it was terrible. Do you see this? (shows missing fingers) I was building a birdhouse on drugs and I lost two fingers. I feverishly wanted to finish it and I wasn't making sound decisions.

Frylock

Remember my roommate, the cup you met earlier? He's filled with crystal meth.

Mortimer Mango

Oh, cool. Thanks.

Frylock

Are you grounded?

Yep.

Frylock

Okay, good. Now touch the red wire to the green wire.

Okay, but what, what about Shake? [In the window, Bert is going after Shake with an axe]

Frylock

What about him?

Heh, that's what I said, yo. Ba-ba-boom!

Frylock

Go on. Swim.

No.

Frylock

(to Meatwad) You're right, he's black.

Aww, DAMN!!

Master Shake

Dammit! I can't freestyle anymore!

Frylock

'Cause I created a blaccine. And I injected it into your orange soda when you weren't looking.

Aw, man! The hell you say! Mocha Shakah don't listen to the lies!

Frylock

Oh, really? Shake, what's the boss up to nowadays?

Master Shake

Springsteen? Man I love the E Street Band! You know he's doin an album with Pete Seeger? All acoustic. OH, GOD, NOOO!!

Frylock

YES!

Master Shake

Hey what did the Dow do today? DAMN IT!

Frylock

Down over 60 points.

Master Shake

My 401K! (kicks over Boxy Brown while running off) When do the Simpsons come on?!

Say, before you guys go, who do you like in the AC Beach Invitational?

AC Beach?

Women's billiards. You guys do book on that, right?

Terry

JESUS, you're a fuckin' loser! (Looks at Frylock suspended above pool) Hey, scuba guy - you ain't seen nothing, you aint heard nothing.

See, Fryman, let that be a lesson to you. If you see someone racketeering, you let it go - they're diggin' your own grave.

Frylock

Look, Carl, I know it's none of my business, but gambling is a dangerous addiction.

All I need is one run, and I'm back! You follow women's billiards? Wait, I got an idea. How much money you got?

Frylock

No, Carl.

It's a proven system!

Frylock

No.

You're throwing money away!

Frylock

Nuh-uh.

Yeah-uh! Fine! Stay a sucker!

What did you do to my pool?!

Frylock

We cleaned it. Now it's gonna be ready for the bitches we got comin over this summer.

Frylock!

Frylock

Sorry, I meant to say hoes.

There we go.

Frylock

Sorry.