Uh, Hello! What are you doing over there without me?
I'm updating my MySpace page.
Well, I'm about to update your My FACE page with my ASS unless you get in there and read us a story!
I don't want to hear a story, I wanna watch a story.
No, no, the TV is tired of you looking at it!
How do you know? You don't know the TV.
I do! I'm very good friends with the TV. That's how we get all the good shows.
What are you doing, Frylock?
Look. I'm about to whip it out. And I'm gonna urinate all over this room and you will WISH that I did not ingest all that asparagus.
All right, go ahead. Whip it out.
He wants to come out and punish you.
Oh, I will. In private. Because there's not enough room in here.
Why don't you ask that TV if he'd mind showing me some Futurama ? I like me some Futurama .
Well, now we're too damn cheap to receive it, so go the hell over to Carl Central and watch it to your heart's content.
He didn't even want it until we started watching it.
Will y'all SHUT UP?! Meatwad, will you pick up this fake vomit? I'm havin' my new friends over for drinks, and they don't need to be seein' that, okay!
Well, only some of it is fake.
Oh, yeah? I'm having friends over too and believe me when I tell you my friends will hurt your friends! They're gonna call them names and beat the ever-loving-sweet crap out of them!
That one's fake... [Meatwad proceeds to roll down the vomit-encrusted hallway, pointing out which is fake vomit and which is real vomit]
Seems like there's a lot more real than fake down here...
Will you shut the fuck up and vacuum the hall!
I'm making a mojito. Everyone... who would like a mojito.
You know we only have one glass, Shake. Keep you nasty mouth off of it, okay? Save it for our guests....for..them to..share.
Someone wants a knife fight. Someone I'm looking at.
Maybe I do. I just don't like the way you boss me.
You just calm down, all right? And don't say something like that in front of my friends.
All right, this ain't happening. I'll see you fruits later.
Wawaa... wawaa... wait, wait, my wingman! C'mon! One of them is a WOMAN.
You poke around and figure it out. I have standards!
Right, Bert? Remember that Bert? Bert! Remember how hard you would hit me?
As hard as I could, as long as I could. Frankly, all the hitting drained me. I had to go to the hospital and have my hands replaced. I was too high, too out of my mind to know I had ruined my hands hitting her. But those days are over. No crack for me. No beating my fiancé. No strangling drifters for sex. No! No more. 'Cause JESUS lives in my heart. Yaaay... Jesus!
Interesting, interesting. Tell me this: have you read King Kong ?
You have, okay, and you believe THAT don't you? But before you answer me, I just...uh... you know what? Go ahead and pour me a little bit of a full glass of that rum.
Bert, you've been sober for 47 straight days (pouring rum down the sink)
Hey, dammit, that's my rum! You don't have to pour it down the sink, man!
We're going to do it together. Right, Bert?
You don't have a monkey wrench, do you?
Bert, I know what you're thinking and...
What, I'm not going to dismantle the pipes and drink from the U-trap. I mean, that's what an animal does! (Mortimer turns on faucet)
Dammit, Mortimer, you're diluting it!
Get out of my way, you orange whore! (throws Tammy Tangerine)
F Frylock (to Mortimer)
Hold that thought.
Stupid! Someone unscrew these pipes or I will shoot myself tonight! I will do it this time!
MM Mortimer Mango (to Frylock)
Don't worry. This is... this happens... a lot. And I have his gun.
Useless... surgically attached... banana hands!
TT Tammy Tangerine (to Frylock)
I'm so sorry. We're not normally not like this.
Okay. All right I see and now you want sex with the fries. Is that it? Yeah, tell him some more lies! That's what you're good at! Lies from the wolf!
Yes, you are... a sorry sack of tangerine bitch. Go do him! I'll watch! Do it before thine eyes!
Oh, Bert, please don't hit me!
Then get the liquor faster.
Well, ya'll make yourself at home. I need to go get some uh...
Ah, fuck it. I just need to go.
Come on, give me just a little bit of that booger sugar.
I'll make you feel real good with my mouth.
I will not calm down until cocaine enters my system!
Bert, you don't want to do this right now. This is not...
You have some, don't you?
You have, you've had, you've had some this whole time.
I have not touched cocaine in three years.
YOU LIAR! I will drag you right into my private hell, you don't wanna know my pain. I HAVE A DEMON INSIDE OF MEEEE!!
MM Mortimer Mango (to Frylock)
Oh, good, you're still here. So... um, wow. So before you mentioned you were into science.
Yeah, that must be a fun job.
Look, I don't have any cocaine.
I was not going to ask you for cocaine, sir.
Good. Then I don't have to answer it.
Well I used to be an addict. I mean it was terrible. Do you see this? (shows missing fingers ) I was building a birdhouse on drugs and I lost two fingers. I feverishly wanted to finish it and I wasn't making sound decisions.
Remember my roommate, the cup you met earlier? He's filled with crystal meth.
MM Mortimer Mango (pulls out a pistol)
Everybody split up! We have to find the cup! The cup has the drugs!
There's crystal meth in the cup!
I saw the cup. It's in the back. Go after it! Get that cup!
Meatwad (holding wires and sitting on a tire) : All right, so, how do I do it now?
Okay, good. Now touch the red wire to the green wire.
Okay, but what, what about Shake? [In the window, Bert is going after Shake with an axe ]
Heh, that's what I said, yo. Ba-ba-boom!
[Meatwad touches the wires together; the house explodes]
CH − Previous episode · S5 The Marines CH + Next episode · S6 Shake Like Me
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
