[The mobsters return to Carl's house at night, this time carrying a heavy body wrapped in a plastic bag]
Ugh! Fuckin' sumo wrestlers. When I say take a dive, you take a fuckin' DIVE, you fat fuck!
[Terry and Dante throw the body into Carl's now-clean pool]
I don't think he understood English.
Well, he's about to be sushi, so blow the fuckin' horn.
[Dante blows the shellfish horn, but nothing happens.]
What the fuck is this... the water looks clear! Hey, where's that big fuckin' fish?
FrylockYou rang?
[Frylock fires his eye lasers and hits the gangsters, knocking them unconscious]
(The Aqua Teens witness Carl explode and release several eggs after the mermaid disappeared into his penis and implanted her eggs in him)
Frylock
Oh, damn it! I slept with her ass, too. (Frylock explodes the same way)
Oh, Shakey, I told her I was saving myself for marriage and that it would screw up our friendship, but she got me drunk on red wine and... well...
What are you trying to say? (Meatwad explodes as well) AH! Well, just for the record- (Proudly) I did her, TWICE! All over my jock! (Shake awaits to explode, however he shows to have lied and rejected by her as he doesn't explode) I cannot believe I haven't exploded yet.
[the fight between Frylock and Master Shake close to the end of the episode]
Frylock
Well, fuck you too!
[Meatwad is seen outside moving the Chick Magnet]
Frylock
No, 'cause it's 'fuck you' time!
You got a problem with it! You say it TO MY DAMN FACE!
Frylock
Oh, I said it to your face! A number of times!
Well, my face wasn't looking, and my ears weren't fucking listening!
Frylock
And your teeth are about to stop chewing, too! [pause]
And what's that mean, Big-Man?!
Frylock
[punches Master Shake in the face] It was an awkward attempt to tell you, that I'm about to kick the teeth out your head!
Well, I did not… I did not get that initially!
[the fight between Frylock and Master Shake during closing credits]
Frylock
Oh, no, don't you walk away from me! Where you goin'?!
Well obviously I'm gonna tape up my hands... to not ruin my meal ticket WHEN I'M BEATING YOUR FACE SO HARD!!
Frylock
I used up the tape. I taped a present for ya. It's a knuckle sandwich!
Frylock
Well you wrap it up and eat later then!
You wanna step to me?! What are you, a wizard? Let's go!
Tooth Fairy. Hand over all that change, bitch! (gets shot with a dart and passes out).
Frylock
Dumbass, ain't no toothfairy.
MMMysterious man
What do you think you're doing?
Frylock
Whoa! Well I just-
MMMysterious man
Drop that tooth and back over to the wall!
Frylock
Okay, okay, just take the TV, take the quarter, take whatever you need.
MMMysterious man
Ha ha ha. Fools! I don't want your money! (takes Meatwad's tooth) I have this tooth; and it's all I need!
(Frylock looks out and sees Drew mowing his lawn while listening to very loud Star Wars music.)
Frylock
Hey! Shut that off! Hey!
Frylock
Shut that off! Will ya?
Frylock
Hey, shut that fuckin' thing off! (swear censored out by farting sound.)
(Drew shuts the lawnmower off.)
Frylock
What the hell are you doing?
Your lawn. So that means I can crash in your house for an undetermined amount of time hmm?
Frylock
No!
Okay, but I did just mow your lawn.
Frylock
I didn't ask you to do that.
(waving his hand, attempting a Jedi mind trick) You let me stay in your house for as long as I choose. (nothing happens)
Frylock
Will you stop that? No I won't. What... What are you doing?
Nothing look. Do you know anything about wiping the moon from the face of space at all.
Frylock
Get. The fuck. Off my lawn.
Frylock
uh uh ain't about where I'M from, it's about where YOU'RE going!
Okay, fine. let's do a thousand for the lawn and say five thousand for edging.
Frylock
How 'bout 3 dollars for everything and I won't call the police?
3 sounds good. For now. But tomorrow, I'll be back. To rake the mulch, and maybe I can just stay for the night.
Frylock
Look man, don't make me get my gun okay.
(attempting another Jedi mind trick.) You will not go get your gun.
(Gun raised toward his head)
(walking away) I'll just be over there. In the rain. If it rains. No pressure.
You guys see what I saw? Well, I did. Carl showed that tall pink man his heinie, and he grew fangs and fur and claws, and they went inside and had a heated discussion.
Frylock
Yeah, we're not gonna get involved with that.
He is a werewolf, Fryman. He saw Carl's full moon and it changed him.
Frylock
Shake, they are no such things as werewolves.
I think I know someone who would beg to differ. And I think we both know who I'm talking about.
Frylock
Don't you say, Kate Beckinsale!
But she was in that movie!
Frylock
Fake! Fake! Fake!
You gonna sit here and tell me that the Lyken have not been waging war against the vampires for centuries?
Frylock
Hollywood, Shake!
You do know I own the cardboard cut-out?
Frylock
Yes.
That means I like this movie.
Frylock
I know!
Good. We've established that. Meeting adjourned.
Frylock
We wait till you lost interest and forget about it.
(24 hours pass. Frylock is asleep with Meatwad on top of him.)
Frylock
You haven't slept either, Meatwad.
(Shake on the phone)
Are you or are you not Kate Beckinsale?! (voice-over phone talks) Well, describe your body. In leather. Well, I heard you had a winner hoe here!
Ask her if she has a port in her chest to drink fluids.
Do you have a port in your chest to drink fluids?
Yeah, like plasmas and such. (Hangs up.) Uh hello? Kate? I lost her. She must have gone through a tunnel. You know, cell reception is not good... in the underworld.
HHitler
(Pulls up with a mask in a balloon car) Ah, what a wonderful day for a balloon. here, let me place my suitcase full of money next to you and purchase one.
Frylock
They're free of charge sir.
HHitler
These are not happy and floaty like we discussed.
There exactly what you asked for, now if you will excuse us. (Shake and Frylock try to leave).
HHitler
No, I think the product needs to be tested. On your kosher friend! (Pulls out Meatwad with who is dressed like a rabi and is holding a menorah and a box of matzoh).
Frylock
Meatwad!
They took all my pork and they de-circumcised me and they gave me the cowboy hat! Mazeltoff, I'm dang jewish now.
IHInflatable Hitler
What about- Tom Hanks?
Frylock
Tom Hanks isn't Jewish.
IHInflatable Hitler
So, he HATES the Jews!
Frylock
I can't speak for Tom Hanks, but he seems pretty likable. I doubt he flat-out HATES Jews.
So you see, not EVERY Jew is evil, right?
Frylock
Shake, that's not the message here.
I christen thee Rubberman!
Frylock
Yeah, no, it ain't that.
Slap on a little glove, and get ready for some love. Keep the gunk with my junk, when I load it in her very spacious trunk.
Is he alive? Cause I need someone to take me to the mall.
Frylock
In a way, he is. He's coated in thousands of microscopic organisms.
Frylock, I know what sperm and bacteria is. What I'm saying is, will he come to life if I put this magic hat on his head.
Looks like he's already come to life.
[on Death Island]
I am bored. Let's go back home.
Frylock
We parachuted here!
Yeah, I know, because it was cheaper!
Frylock
The tickets said one-way.
Round-trip was INSANE. You want to pay those prices, be my guest!
Frylock
Had we rented the boat like I wanted, we could get back in the boat and go home!
Well, we didn't do that, did we? Because someone didn't assert themselves enough. I keep telling you to read my book, Master Your Finances and $hake it Up!
[Shake opens the book]
"Chapter 1: Make Every Problem Your Slave." Seriously, did you even pick it up?
Frylock
Yeah, we got a garage full of 'em.
Well, that's cause they didn't sell, because YOU shut the website down!
Hey, y'all, we can take these jetskis over here.
SHUT UP, Meatwad. I'm discussing my book over here!
Frylock
Alright, Shake. You win. How do you make THIS problem your slave?
Well, I'll tell ya. "Rule 1: Assess the situation." (looks around) We are fucked.
"Rule 2: Apply blame." You, Frylock. You're the one.
What about these jetskis?
"Rule 3: Don't let the blame-ee hear about you blaming them." Hey, Meatwad, Frylock really jobbed us on this, didn't he?
Yeah, you probably shouldn't say that with him...standing right there. You see these jetskis?
"Rule 4: Make a suggestion, but don't own up to it in case it sucks." Hey guys, what if we make a boat out of sand, BUT it's a glass bottom boat? Then we can host tours for this roasted bird and get money to buy a plane ticket outta here from an airport that does not exist.
Frylock
That idea sucks.
Yeah, I know. Whose idea was that, Meatwad?
Two jetskis, right over here.
Which leads me to rule 4. "Take well deserved nap." Good night, good luck, the end.
How was I supposed to know he was gonna do that?
Frylock
He's like a damn worm, man. He's got no brain. You cut him up, and he'll multiply.
Wait a minute. Do you mean like in Tremors?
Frylock
... Yeah, sure. Exactly like in Tremors.
[jumps onto a nearby keyboard instrument] Get off the ground! He feels the vibrations! You can float. Go get me food!
Frylock, I'm on my last leg! You need to help me mush all this together, and set fire to it!
Frylock
No, no no no. I have a better idea. [to the Meatwads] Hey gang! Let's all sing a song!
Okay! Okey-dokey! All rightey-rooney!
Frylock
[singing] Three million bottles of beer on the wall....
[brief pause]
[singing]....Three million bottles of beer...
Frylock
Yeah!
[singing] Take one down, pass it around, two million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand. nine hundred ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall!
Frylock
[gets a suitcase] See you dude. [leaves]
[singing in the background] Two million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety nine bottles of beer on the wall, two million, nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred ninety nine bottles of beer...
You know what? I'm leaving too! [brief pause] Okay that was a bluff, but- DON'T GO!
OMOne Meatwad
Wait...I got mixed up. Start over.
[freaking out] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Three million bottles of beer on the wall....
Aqua Teen Hunger Force · 785 quotes
