Mortimer Mango quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Mortimer Mango

Bert, you've been sober for 47 straight days (pouring rum down the sink)

Frylock

Hey, dammit, that's my rum! You don't have to pour it down the sink, man!

Mortimer Mango

We're going to do it together. Right, Bert?

Bert Banana

You don't have a monkey wrench, do you?

Tammy Tangerine

Bert, I know what you're thinking and...

Bert Banana

What, I'm not going to dismantle the pipes and drink from the U-trap. I mean, that's what an animal does! (Mortimer turns on faucet)

Bert Banana

Dammit, Mortimer, you're diluting it!

Bert Banana

Get out of my way, you orange whore! (throws Tammy Tangerine)

Hold that thought.

Bert Banana

Stupid! Someone unscrew these pipes or I will shoot myself tonight! I will do it this time!

Tammy Tangerine

No, honey, don't!

Don't worry. This is... this happens... a lot. And I have his gun.

Bert Banana

Son of a... dammit!

Tammy Tangerine

No, honey, don't!

Bert Banana

Useless... surgically attached... banana hands!

I'm so sorry. We're not normally not like this.

Bert Banana

Okay. All right I see and now you want sex with the fries. Is that it? Yeah, tell him some more lies! That's what you're good at! Lies from the wolf!

Tammy Tangerine

I'm sorry, Bert.

Bert Banana

Yes, you are... a sorry sack of tangerine bitch. Go do him! I'll watch! Do it before thine eyes!

Tammy Tangerine

Oh, Bert, please don't hit me!

Bert Banana

Then get the liquor faster.

Frylock

Well, ya'll make yourself at home. I need to go get some uh...

Bert Banana

Son of a... damn it!

Frylock

Ah, fuck it. I just need to go.

Mortimer Mango

Bert, you don't want to do this right now. This is not...

Bert Banana

Do you have some?

Mortimer Mango

No.

Bert Banana

You have some, don't you?

Mortimer Mango

It is the Devil.

Bert Banana

You do.

Mortimer Mango

Bert.

Bert Banana

You have, you've had, you've had some this whole time.

Mortimer Mango

I have not touched cocaine in three years.

Bert Banana

YOU LIAR! I will drag you right into my private hell, you don't wanna know my pain. I HAVE A DEMON INSIDE OF MEEEE!!

Oh, good, you're still here. So... um, wow. So before you mentioned you were into science.

Frylock

Yeah, man.

Mortimer Mango

Yeah, that must be a fun job.

Frylock

Look, I don't have any cocaine.

Mortimer Mango

I was not going to ask you for cocaine, sir.

Frylock

Good. Then I don't have to answer it.

Mortimer Mango

Well I used to be an addict. I mean it was terrible. Do you see this? (shows missing fingers) I was building a birdhouse on drugs and I lost two fingers. I feverishly wanted to finish it and I wasn't making sound decisions.

Frylock

Remember my roommate, the cup you met earlier? He's filled with crystal meth.

Mortimer Mango

Oh, cool. Thanks.

Everybody split up! We have to find the cup! The cup has the drugs!

Tammy Tangerine

The cup?!

Bert Banana

The cup?!

Mortimer Mango

There's crystal meth in the cup!

Tammy Tangerine

Filled with magic.

Bert Banana

I saw the cup. It's in the back. Go after it! Get that cup!

Tammy Tangerine

Get him!