Frylock, I'm friends with a toilet paper tube, an apple, and a box. I'm crazy in the head.
Well, you gonna dis me boy, dis me to my face!
Boxy, please, don't take it like that.
Well how'm I supposed to take it, then?!
We just wanna celebrate my birthday with some cake-
Ah, I don't want no cake, I want me some pie! [with a chuckle] You understand what I'm sayin'?
Well let me break it down: You know when you're in the shower with some fine foxy hoochi-Mama, and she got dat-[his voice becomes inaudible to us as the perspective shifts to outside Meatwad's]
FrylockUh, Meatwad.
[to Boxy Brown] Well, I don't know if I believe that. I mean I seen action figures without the pants, they ain't got that.
Frylock
Uh, Meatwad.
[to Frylock] Shh, he is talkin' here!
Frylock
Oh, well I didn't mean to interrupt, but-
Watch out! He's got a knife!
Can I blow out the candles now? There's just wax all over my cake.
Of course, it's your birthday...but you gotta cough up the royalties first.
Frylock
How much did that cost you, Shake?
(exasperated) (Yawns) So tired of people in the private sector- Look, every business has an initial investment, okay? Everybody have birthdays and they all need to sing.
Frylock
HOW MUCH...did it cost?
(sighs, grabs ledger) Well, I guess we'll start with travel. Zach, as you well know, traveled by a train of white stallions...which I had to buy and feed... and of course, you know the snow machine-
Frylock
(grabs ledger) Give me that. 1.4 million dollars?!
The money is going to roll right in. D'you know how many birthdays there are in a year? There are hundreds. Literally...hundreds.
You are the gayest monster since gay came to Gaytown!
Whoa! Easy! Where's this coming from?
No! Let's get down to it. What I say is very baffling!
Frylock
(Pulling Shake away from Willie) Hey, whoa you two. We don't want any trouble here, alright?
No I'm with you. I don't think violence solves anything.
God, you're gay! You don't think violence solves anything?! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?!
Look, I'm-- I'm pretty hardcore. I mean, I've been known to do a number on plenty of guys.
Do a number? Yeah, I bet you do a number, in your tights on broadway, which is where you moved to after ya left Texas Chainsaw Mascara, where you're from!
How much you wanna bet me you couldn't scare Jack?
Frylock
Don't mind me, I'm just a sailor on shore leave... from the Ship of the Damned!! Muah hah hah.
Frylock
You know, the Ship of the Damned?
Frylock
Famous short story about a ship that had a hole in it?
Yeah, just go put on your ballerina shoes get the rest of the outfit, be who you really are...Dr. Zhivago. Yeah, you suck.
Frylock
I'll just go get the candy, okay?
I got ten bucks says he's wearin' women's panties under that.
I know what I said, Meatwad!
If anybody needs me...I'll be outside...with the shovel, sucka!
Oh no, you don't! That bullion is mine!
[Shake rushes outside and begins digging; Frylock and Meatwad watch from inside]
Look at him. He dumb as hell.
Frylock
He sure is, Meatwad. He sure is.
[Later, Frylock comes outside to see Shake has dug a massive hole in the front yard; fire and water are spraying from a breached gas and water line]
Frylock
No, no, no, NO!
I know! The stupid pirates must have buried it under the gas line!
Frylock
I told you fourteen inches!
You tell me a lot of things! But that doesn't mean that I have to listen!
Frylock
Oh my God! That is no ordinary sandwich, Shake.
Oh my God, oh my- do you ever have anything good to say? It's a free sandwich.
Frylock
It's not a sandwich at all, Shake. IT'S THE BROODWICH.
[dramatic music]
Frylock
No, the Broodwich Meatwad, Broodwich.
Frylock
BROODWICH!
The Blair Witch is here?!
Frylock
No Meatwad, the Brood-WICH!
I'll tell you what it is, friends: It's SHUT UP and lemme EAT it!
Frylock
[explaining how he's heard of the Broodwich] I read a very disturbing article about this sandwich in...the Bible.
No, you probably saw our piece in Vogue?
Frylock
I doubt it, I don't read that...
Heidi Klum was on the cover. You know, the Broodwich issue.
Frylock
Okay, yes. It was Vogue.
You read all this in 'Vogue'!?
Our PR department is awesome.
That's a 'girl' magazine! I hope you were at the dentist, Frylock!
Frylock
[embarrassed] I... It just comes to the house.
Of course it comes, WHEN YOU 'ORDER' IT, YOU BIG, FAT, 'LADY'!
Heh heh! Someone down there's a girl!
I haven't paid taxes in six years.. I am not gettin' busted by a sandwich!
Then you must find another with an appetite for insanity.
Hey. You're dumb. Eat this.
I heard what that boy said; I ain't eating jack.
You're gonna let this guy scare you? How bad could it possibly be?
It's a world of skinless, blood-soaked nightmares clattering from the deep and clattering for the meat of the guilty.
Oh, come on. The guy's just jealous. Go on. Woof it down, dog.
Well I don't know, I mean, is the mayonnaise fat-free?
'Cause, you know, it's not the calories that get you, man. It's the saturated fats.
[stuffs Meatwad's mouth with the Broodwich] Woof it, you mutt.
Frylock
Meatwad, no!
[Meatwad gets sent to Hell]
Hey, did you hear what I called him? He can't do jack about it. [Meatwad reappears from Hell] Hey! How'd ya like Mr. Sticks?! He was a real treat, wasn't he?
Yeah... Jerry said you guys had a little run-in, but he's a decent guy, I mean, once you get to know him.
Bull crap! I know that guy was all over you with his axe!
Nah, that don't sound like Jerry. Now, the Jerry I know took me to Merry Christmas... which is a strip club... Merry Triple X-mas.. You see what I'm saying? You see what I'm saying!?
[Shake quickly eats the Broodwich and been sent to hell]
Frylock
Wow, so you're saying it was fun?
Hell no! That sumbitch had an axe!
[Cut to hell, where Shake appears next to two stick-men]
JJerry
So, I don't know, she's like, "move your skulls to the basement, because I got these 'drapes'..." I don't even get that, I’m like, "Honey, this is 'work'."
SMStick Man 2
Are you serious?
JJerry
I can’t put ‘em in the fucking basement, I mean, and she’s like, you know, “Can you put a tarp over them, also?” And I just felt like...NO! I’m not... god damn it!
SMStick Man 2
I got one at home just like it. And I got a kid now, and so...
JJerry
That’s a whole other set of bullshit, I’m sure.
SMStick Man 2
So, Cathy puts the co-sleeper right next to my preserved brain collection, and she wants me to move them cause she thinks it's not hygienic.
JJerry
I don't understand how there's a lack of appreciation for that... backlight coming through the glass of the jars that the brains are in. I mean, it just looks cool.
SMStick Man 2
You've seen that?
JJerry
Why move it? That's the point of putting it next to the window.
JJerry
And I’m sure you've explained that to Cathy, but she obviously doesn't get that.
SMStick Man 2
Yeah. Yeah, there's no... yeah, I can’t even argue with her.
JJerry
Ugh, it's fuckin' ridiculous.
SMStick Man 2
If I want to move the bed... (sees Shake) Hey. Hey, isn't that that guy?
And what's with the toilet seat, right?
JJerry
—Oh what the fuck!?!
[Jerry begins to chase Shake, wielding an axe]
Jerry, no! We're cool! We're cool, man!
[Shake has a trophy]:
Frylock
Hey, Shake, whatcha got there?
No, do not get near this.
Frylock
Well, what is it?
Just the fruits of victory. I wouldn't expect you to know anything about it, being a loser.
Frylock
The shake 'em up finals?
Yeah, I won 'Participant'
Frylock
Shake, don't tell me you used the Danger Cart in some demolition derby.
Hell no, I got my own wheels.
[Carl Knocks on the door]:
Hey, open up, or I'm opening it for you.
[Leaving] Well, you know the drill.
Frylock
Drill? No, I don't. [Opens the door] Hey.. Carl.. how you doin' man?
[Carl's Car is completely totaled]:
Frylock
Ooo. Hey, Carl. This is pretty boss man. Where'd you get those graphics done?
Thank you, I didn't frickin' do it.
Frylock
Well, then why are you showin' it to me?
Someone stole it, raced it, and brought it back!
Frylock
Oh, well, I mean, you did call the police, right?
Heh, heh, yeah, good one. Oh, I never thought of that. No they, they stopped takin' my calls like, long ago.
Frylock
Well, uh, we're kinda not...detectives anymore. I mean, that wasn't making us a whole lotta money.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force · 785 quotes
