Aqua Teen Hunger Force · Season 2
“The Shaving” · Season 2
In this episode: Master Shake (10), Willie Nelson (9), Meatwad (7), Frylock (4), Carl (3)
(Willie throws the TV out the window) HEY! That was my window to the world!
Well now it's been shattered by the monster. Pretty scary, right?
No! Whats that word that's the exact opposite of scary?
Tacos?
Taco?! Where?! Get outta my way, those are mine I made them!
There's a monster? In the attic?!
Yeah... um, I was driven here by the villagers... when I was doing 30 in a 25... and, uhm, I guess when I say villagers, it's more like this one guy... I really didn't know him.. but- eh, I knew him, but it's not like we were buds or anything.
Do you want him to repeat that?
No, I heard it.
(disdainfully) Well, thanks for joining us, now.
You are the gayest monster since gay came to Gaytown!
Whoa! Easy! Where's this coming from?
No! Let's get down to it. What I say is very baffling!
(Pulling Shake away from Willie) Hey, whoa you two. We don't want any trouble here, alright?
No I'm with you. I don't think violence solves anything.
God, you're gay! You don't think violence solves anything?! WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU?!
Look, I'm-- I'm pretty hardcore. I mean, I've been known to do a number on plenty of guys.
Do a number? Yeah, I bet you do a number, in your tights on broadway, which is where you moved to after ya left Texas Chainsaw Mascara, where you're from!
What's he talking about?
How much you wanna bet me you couldn't scare Jack?
You wanna see how to scare the neighbor? Check this out.
[Shake rings the doorbell and runs away.]
[answering] What?
Hey, catch!
[thrown at Carl] Hey Carl.
[knocked to the floor] Aaaah! Get him off, get him off, get him off...
Cool, can I try that?
No. Only I can do that.
[To Frylock] Great, look who just ruined Halloween... You know you're like the A-bomb, everyone's laughing having a good time and you show up BOOM! Everything's dead!
[Willie is getting ready to scare Carl]
WHAT?!!
Uh...
What do you want?!
Yeah, what do you want?
[forgetting his lines] Uh...what are you doing here?
I live here, asshole!
And I'm just visiting.
Well, listen, did you get any of my mail? Willie Nelson?
Hang on, lemme look.
Eat me.
[slams door]
If it shows up, bring it over. If you dare. God, I suck.
Wait, so, are we trying to scare him or are we trying to kill him?
Killing is scaring.
[introducing Carl to Willie Nelson the monster]
Hey, Carl!
Who's this, your frickin' mother?!
No, Carl. It's your neighbor, Willie Nelson. I got chased here by the villagers.
Well, villager...
Yeah, that's a great story. See ya.
[slams door]
[to Willie Nelson] BLOODFEAST ISLAND PANSY!
What's up with the razor?
Oh, well, I shave once every couple days. It's nerve-wracking. It's supposed to be.
Well, it's not.
[horrified] You shave up there?!
Don't mind me, I'm just a sailor on shore leave... from the Ship of the Damned!! Muah hah hah.
Okay.
You know, the Ship of the Damned?
Nuh uh.
Famous short story about a ship that had a hole in it?
No.
Yeah, just go put on your ballerina shoes get the rest of the outfit, be who you really are...Dr. Zhivago. Yeah, you suck.
I'll just go get the candy, okay?
He's gettin' candy!
I got ten bucks says he's wearin' women's panties under that.
... Under what?
I know what I said, Meatwad!
Now remember: You have NO regard for human life, especially women, because they have the organs that you wish that YOU had! So you want to make a suit from them.
I don't wanna make a suit!
Listen to me, that's how it's done. All you concern yourself with is KILL KILL KILL!!! You GOT IT?! None of this "the shaving, the shaving" crap! Cause it's throwing you off! And Who is gonna stop you ANYWAY?! You're immortal!
Are you sure? I-I-That doesn't sound right.
Please uh, do me another favor. Lose the shaving. Monsters don't groom themselves! THEY'RE FREAKING MANIACS! UUUUHH!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Aqua Teen Hunger Force pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
