[Shake has a trophy]:
Hey, Shake, whatcha got there?
No, do not get near this.
Just the fruits of victory. I wouldn't expect you to know anything about it, being a loser.
Yeah, I won 'Participant'
Shake, don't tell me you used the Danger Cart in some demolition derby.
Hell no, I got my own wheels.
[Carl Knocks on the door]:
Hey, open up, or I'm opening it for you.
[Leaving] Well, you know the drill.
Drill? No, I don't. [Opens the door] Hey.. Carl.. how you doin' man?
[Carl's Car is completely totaled]:
Ooo. Hey, Carl. This is pretty boss man. Where'd you get those graphics done?
Thank you, I didn't frickin' do it.
Well, then why are you showin' it to me?
Someone stole it, raced it, and brought it back!
Oh, well, I mean, you did call the police, right?
Heh, heh, yeah, good one. Oh, I never thought of that. No they, they stopped takin' my calls like, long ago.
Well, uh, we're kinda not...detectives anymore. I mean, that wasn't making us a whole lotta money.
[Frylock is explaining what's wrong with the car to Meatwad.]
The radiator's split, the tranny's shot, the wheels are melted, the crankshaft somehow found its way into the woofer in the back, and all the fluids are in the floorboard!
Nah it ain't. This just the soft-drink machine.
[Meatwad walks out of the house with braided hair.]
No, sir. But now we got us a mail-order telemarket business. Ultra Mega Braid. Carl, I see you're noticing my braids.
Did you know that you can have braids just like this? With Ultra Mega Braid!
Carl, you wanna try one out?
We could do your shoulders.
They come in seven different colors, and you could add decorative beads and glitter. Make your own, unique Ultra Mega Braid!
Hey, kiss my Ultra Mega Ass!
[Carl walks away.]
You know, you don't really need kidneys.
I know it's shallow, but hey, I want some. It's a status thing. That's what separates the men from the animals.
Actually, Meatwad, animals have kidneys, too.
Well, animals ain't got no job working for the city.
Yeah, well...damn! You burned me. I got nothing. [to Carl] So back off my car and hold your roll.
[Meatwad is hitting the engine of the Hotwad with a plastic saw.]
Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Okay, that should do it. Okay now, when I say "crank it", you do whatever it is people do when they're told to do that.
Uh-uh! I ain't hearin' that. See, you askin', or you tellin'? 'Cause nobody tells Boxy Brown!
Boxy, this isn't a big deal. I mean, I'm just asking a favor. Now if you remember, I helped you move your grandma to the home, and that was my day off.
Oh, that was no grandma, boy. That was a grocery bag.
[extremely angry] I just a what, bitch?!
Y-You Duke of New York. You're A Number 1.
[shouts] You say that louder, boy!
'YOU DUKE OF NEW YORK A NUMBER ONE!'
[Shake brings a plastic drill to Meatwad who is using a plastic saw to fix his car. Shake drops the drill and it explodes.]
Get out of there! What, are you trying to break it?! [looks down at crater left by exploded drill] It's not metric?!
Meatwad [recounting a mechanic's appraisal of the car]: He said that the hobbit, that turns the crank case is depressed, and needs therapy. We need to get us a new hobbit. They's from the land beyond time, land beyond time's also gonna hook us up with a unicorn for the radiator, I ain't even gonna tell you bout that haunted air condition. Then that air filter, that's made of plutonium, that's gonna require Superman, so, you know, plus shippin' from Krypton. Then the cow, jumped over the moon...
Is this what he told you or...how you heard it?
Meatwad You should look at it yourself. I don't even know anymore.
Wow, he really did write all that. What an asshole.
Okay, here I go. (pause) You ready?
(pauses again) Ready now?
Okay. (pause) Come on, Meatwad, I'm ready.
I'M READY ALREADY! JUST DO IT!!!
Okay, don't get mad at me. (turns on the radio) How's that sound? Do you like that song?
I did! This is Key: K-104, Jersey's kickin' country!
The key to the ignition, Meatwad!
(turns off radio) I'm turnin' it!
That's the steering wheel!
[sighs] But you're turning to the right!
Go to Mach 1, engage warp speed. I'm late for work. [makes engine noises]
[Frylock and Shake are watching Meatwad from the house]
Shake, I'm a little worried about Meatwad. I think he's losing his mind.
Watch this. I think he's losing his license.
(hears sirens) Aw, shoot! The bronze 5-0.
[The "siren" is Shake with a police hat, badge and baton.]
(calmly) Is there, uh...is there an emergency or something?
(nervously) Well, yeah, I mean-
Y'know, I need to get to work and uh-
Hey, I'm a wild man. I can't drive 55.
[taps axle with baton] No wheels here, either...and you passed an inspection like that?
I see you ran through a couple of lights. And I'm thinking...surely this little lady wouldn't do that in her own town? Where ya from?
Now, they was yellow when I went through them-
(unimpressed) Uh-huh. They were red...like your ass is gonna be, when I get through with you. Alright, step out of the car, please. Have you had anything to drink tonight, ma'am?
Oh, hell yeah. Can I mix you something, or-
Alright. I want you to walk in a straight line to that manhole and when you fall down in there, I want to hear the alphabet backwards.
(throws off hat and baton) Sucker! He-hey! (gets in Hotwad, makes engine noises)
[Meatwad goes to Frylock inside]
Did you see that?! He stole my car!
Yeah. Did you get the plate number?
(in background) Hey, what are you looking at?! Hey, it's not Sunday, lady! Let's go!!!
(to Frylock) What's that letter that does this? (gestures) With the thing? There's two of them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, what was that noise?! Uh, where is my white hatchback?!
[Playing dumb] 'Scuse me?
And why are there skid marks there?!
Uh, I just got through mowing the lawn...if that's a crime.
I friggin' RENTED THIS THING THIS MORNING!!
Yeah, we know how you did it. Congratulations. The bank gave you a credit card. It doesn't make you better than me! But you see, nobody gives me credit, because I'm a bad risk and I don't pay my bills on time. So I have to work for what I have.
Um, did my car always have that, or am I just uh...
What? Class? Style? I don't think so. Thank God I got a hip transplant. Now why don't you go back into your house and shut up?
[Carl's head explodes]
