Frylock quotes from Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Frylock

The radiator's split, the tranny's shot, the wheels are melted, the crankshaft somehow found its way into the woofer in the back, and all the fluids are in the floorboard!

Nah it ain't. This just the soft-drink machine.

Frylock

They're fluids, Meatwad!

Soft drink's a fluid.

No, sir. But now we got us a mail-order telemarket business. Ultra Mega Braid. Carl, I see you're noticing my braids.

No, I'm not.

Did you know that you can have braids just like this? With Ultra Mega Braid!

Frylock

Carl, you wanna try one out?

No.

Frylock

We could do your shoulders.

They come in seven different colors, and you could add decorative beads and glitter. Make your own, unique Ultra Mega Braid!

Frylock

3.99.

Hey, kiss my Ultra Mega Ass!

Frylock

You know, you don't really need kidneys.

I know it's shallow, but hey, I want some. It's a status thing. That's what separates the men from the animals.

Frylock

Actually, Meatwad, animals have kidneys, too.

Well, animals ain't got no job working for the city.

Frylock

Neither do you.

Yeah, well...damn! You burned me. I got nothing. [to Carl] So back off my car and hold your roll.

Frylock

Okay, now crank it.

Okay, here I go. (pause) You ready?

Frylock

Yeah.

(pauses again) Ready now?

Frylock

READY!

Here it comes.

Frylock

Okay. (pause) Come on, Meatwad, I'm ready.

You ready for it?

Frylock

I'M READY ALREADY! JUST DO IT!!!

Okay, don't get mad at me. (turns on the radio) How's that sound? Do you like that song?

Frylock

I meant "turn the key."

I did! This is Key: K-104, Jersey's kickin' country!

Frylock

The key to the ignition, Meatwad!

(turns off radio) I'm turnin' it!

Frylock

That's the steering wheel!

I'm goin' left.

Frylock

[sighs] But you're turning to the right!

Go to Mach 1, engage warp speed. I'm late for work. [makes engine noises]

Frylock

Shake, I'm a little worried about Meatwad. I think he's losing his mind.

Shake

Watch this. I think he's losing his license.

(hears sirens) Aw, shoot! The bronze 5-0.

Shake

(calmly) Is there, uh...is there an emergency or something?

(nervously) Well, yeah, I mean-

Shake

Somebody having a baby?

Y'know, I need to get to work and uh-

Shake

What's going on here?

Hey, I'm a wild man. I can't drive 55.

Shake

[taps axle with baton] No wheels here, either...and you passed an inspection like that?

Mmhm. Yessir.

Shake

I see you ran through a couple of lights. And I'm thinking...surely this little lady wouldn't do that in her own town? Where ya from?

Now, they was yellow when I went through them-

Shake

(unimpressed) Uh-huh. They were red...like your ass is gonna be, when I get through with you. Alright, step out of the car, please. Have you had anything to drink tonight, ma'am?

Oh, hell yeah. Can I mix you something, or-

Shake

Alright. I want you to walk in a straight line to that manhole and when you fall down in there, I want to hear the alphabet backwards.

Okay. (rolls off)

Shake

(throws off hat and baton) Sucker! He-hey! (gets in Hotwad, makes engine noises)

Did you see that?! He stole my car!

Frylock

Yeah. Did you get the plate number?

Good idea! (leaves)

Shake

(in background) Hey, what are you looking at?! Hey, it's not Sunday, lady! Let's go!!!

(to Frylock) What's that letter that does this? (gestures) With the thing? There's two of them.

Frylock

It says here that this wisdom cube is the wisest being in the universe and he travels the galaxies feeding off knowledge.

He be feeding off them microwave burritos, too.

Frylock

Those are gone?!

There were six this morning, there ain't none now. He's gassy, boy. Don't say nothing about him fartin'.

Frylock

Oh, he's just doing that with his mouth Meatwad. Sometimes the most brilliant people are the most eccentric.

Really? That's a dead-on impression of a butt.

Frylock

[trying to get away from the Wisdom Cube] Look, there's Carl! Hey, Carl! Hey! Hey! Hold up, man!

No, no, no, don't come over here.

Frylock

Don't go anywhere! Stay right there!

Wisdom Cube

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Frylock

Hey, look man, I'm sorry, I'd love to stay here with you, but I gotta go ever there with Carl...and spank him.

No, no, I got nothin' to say to you.

Frylock

Nothin' personal [Frylock starts spanking Carl]

Oh, thank you.

Wisdom Cube

[from away] Hey, nice yard! It's nice.

Frylock

How's that restraining order comin'?

For your information, it's still tied up in the courts, cuz I don't have photographs of things like this thing you're doin' here with my butt-why're you doin' this? Stop doin' it. Wait, no-no wait, keep doin' it! [chuckles] Let me go get my camera!

Master Shake

I gotta tell you, a little of that guy goes a long way.

Frylock

You know, that's just so weird. I can't believe that he's the all-knowing being of the universe.

Master Shake

Yeah, all-being. He's doing the 10-pound ball joke all wrong.

Wisdom Cube

[On the phone] Is this the golf course? It is? Do you have 10-pound balls? No? Then, how do you walk?! How do you walk with a...regular? Well... [Raspberries]

Master Shake

I mean, that doesn't make sense any way you hear it.

Frylock

Well, not to mention I unplugged the phone three hours ago.

Shake

(calling Carl) Hey buddy, how's it going? You know, I just happened to check the pH levels of your pool and they are incredibly high! Not good. Fix it or I'm getting a lawyer. Okay, bye!

Frylock

Did you ask him?

What'd he say?

Shake

Yeah, it's cool. We're all good.

Hell yeah!

He-he-heeeey, buddy!.

Shake

You were home the whole time?

Well, he don't ever leave the house, he's one of them, um, shutoffs. Sh-shutout. Wait, what the hell is it called?

Shake

It's a shut up.

Yeah, it's a shut up.

Shake

I never thought you'd screen with me, Carl.

(insincerely) Oh, I was just lightin' the grill, waiting for you guys to come over! Have a little barbeque, little beer...you know I love you guys.

Frylock

Carl, you alright? You're acting strange.

No, I'm nooot! Come on!

Frylock

Yes, you are!

Hey, race over here! Last one in is a rotten egg!

Shake's a rotten egg!

Frylock

Whoa.

Oh, that feels hot.

Aw, come on, why'd you stop?! Keep coming, ya so close.

Hell yeah, well come on!

Frylock

No, Meatwad, don't.

Wait for it.

Good, it works. Now, you try doing that with your body now.

...okay!

Frylock

No, Meatwad, stop!

Shake

(waving sunglasses around) Carl, top shelf. Not the high-end model, but it works for you and, y'know, your income bracket, but don't worry, I'm not going to tell anybody how cheap you are.

Yeah, come closer there, Shakeman. You won't tell anybody anything. Ever again.

Oh, oh wait, uh hang on. Did you see like, a little naked dude, out in the street anywhere?

Frylock

Uh, yeah. I think he's dead.

Oh, are you serious? Well, when he wakes up, make him drink.

[at Carl] Dude, you wanna move your thing? You almost killed us!

Yeah, are you, like, begging me instead to, like, mess up your pizza face in front of your girlfriend over there [points at Frylock], 'cause I'll do it, man!

[holding D.P. back] Dude, dude, it's not worth it!

No, man, look at my ship!!! [points to his wrecked spaceship] My dad is gonna be pissed!

[to Carl] Do you know who his dad is?! He is totally rich...he will totally hook you up.....dude....we're drunk!

These friends of yours, Fryman?

Hey, where's the club? I need to piss.

They came from space, you know...typically, that means you're somehow connected.

Frylock

Carl, I've never seen them before in my life.

So, you don't mind if I talk to her? [points to Frylock]

Her??! Ha-ha, yeah, knock yourself out. She's a regular ho-bag.

[to Frylock] 'Sup, little lady?

Dude, she's got a bit of a 'stache.

It's all right, she's good to go [gives Skeeter a fistbump]. So...my dad's totally rich, we own this dealership, and, uh, what sorority are you in?

Frylock

'Scuse me?! I think you have me confused with a woman.

Ohhh, she burned you, dude!

Oh, so you couldn't get in to a sorority?

Frylock

I'm a man, all right?!

This is beat. Total sausage party. Uhh...I think. C'mon D.P., let's get out of here.

Well, what else is open besides, your mouth, when you're like kissing on some gay dude and like holding his, like, muscles cause his arms are just like, wrapped around you and you feel like so safe, cause you're like, not that you're gay or nothing, but god you just want to bury yourself in his chest and just live there forever.

Frylock

...I'm outta here.

D to the P, let's go, I got the munchies.

Hang on, hang on...[starts talking to Shake] what's your name, babe?

Master Shake

I'm Shake.

Ah, you wanna take me to your dorm room for a drink or somethin'?

Master Shake

No, but I believe this little lady needs to have a life experience.

Come here...

What you doin'?! Don't kiss me!

What? It's cool, I got a rubber. What?!

You stay outside. You scarin' me.

Dude, your buddy here is givin' me a rash.

Frylock

He usually doesn't drink this much!

Master Shake

I out-party you!

Frylock

Shake, will you sit down?

Master Shake

P.D., I know how to throw... down. Dude! And I almost said "throw up", but I didn't. I hold my boobs... my booze! But I hold boobs all day, too!

Frylock

Yeah, this is beer number two for him, right?

Frylock

Carl, let her go! You're highly infected! Carl I'm afraid... you've been clowned!

Yeah, I thought my flip flops felt a little tight.

You, uh, you have a brush I could borrow?

Frylock

We don't, we're all, uh, bald.

I got me one.

I use this for my teeth, and my hair.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. I live next to a third world hell hole.