YYakko
Friends, we'll paint any ceiling for just 29.95. Right! How do we do it? No overhead. In fact, when we get through, you'll have nothing overhead! And if you hire us, you'll have nothing in your head! We paint ceilings, ceilings and ONLY ceilings! We don't paint floors cuz they're beneath us.
[angrily standing, boiling, covered in red paint] Who are you?! What are you doing here?!
YYakko
We heard you had a ceiling that needs painting.
Nice bungalow. This your place?
You fools, I'm the great Michelangelo! And this is the Sistine chapel!
YYakko
Oh, yeah? If you're so great, what did you do with the other fifteen chapels, huh? Gotcha there.
Out! Out! HOW DARE YOU! [prepares to throw The Warner Siblings out, but he gets thrown out himself, confused] Huh?
YYakko
Well, that takes care of the competition.
Gentlemen, start your rollers!
[Yakko and Wakko get white paint]
YYakko
You know, a little touch-up will do wonders for this place.
YYakko
[dressed up as the Guardian of the Gates] Nobody gets in to see the Wizard. Not nobody. Not nohow.
YYakko
[gasps] The Witch's Michaelangelo? Well. Now, that's a ceiling of a different color.
[gasps] Argh! What have you done to my beautiful ceiling?!
[Shows white ceiling]
YYakko
Ya like it? I gotta tell ya, we had a heck of a time covering up those naked people.
You FOOLS! You've ruined it! It's supposed to have pictures!
Pictures? He wants pictures!
YYakko
Hey, don't worry Mike, our mistake. [whispering] This hasn't happened to us since that Venus de Milo arms fiasco.
Say, why don't you go paint that Moaning Lisa, Leonardo?
YYakko
That's de-lovely, but, we got a ceiling to paint.
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and two books] Here. Just pick out a wallpaper pattern and relax. We'll take care of everything.
[wearing toilet plungers on his feet] Yeah, when it comes to ceilings, we're the tops!
YYakko
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and a refrigerator] Oh, and while you're at it, pick out the linoleum, why don't-cha?
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and a fish bowl with a goldfish in it] And don't forget your upholstery and your bathroom fixtures.
YYakko
Now, don't you worry your pretty, little head. By the way, nice toga.
[looking at wallpaper designs] Let me see now, this lovely floral pattern might be just- [realizing that he's been tricked, knocking the stack of wallpapers, books, and objects down] HEY, wait a minute! I'll teach those idiots to fool with the great Michelangelo! [hits the cylinder, making the statue of Moses, and slams the door open] No. No! NO! [sees a bullfighter, A Waterloo by C.M. Coolidge, big-eyed children by Margaret Keane, and Elvis Presley; cries] I'm ruined! RUINED!
I knew it. He prefers the young Elvis.
It is supposed to look like THIS! [shows them The Sistine Chapel Ceiling paper]
YYakko
I wouldn't go flashing that around if I were you, Mike. [whispering] This is a church. [takes the paper, scrunches it up, and throws it away]
But His Eminence is coming tonight and I MUST be finished! Please, you gotta help me! [cries]
YYakko
Wait a minute, you expect us poor innocent children to climb up dangerous scaffolding and paint naked people all over a church?
YWYakko, Wakko and Dot
We'll do it!
YYakko
[speaking at a podium as Wakko and Dot play "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" on kazoos] But we're not doing it for the sake of art. And we're not doing it for the sake of money. No, we're doing it because, we like painting naked people.
[Yakko sprays white paint on the ceiling. Wakko sharpens a pencil, and paints outline on tightrope extremely quickly. Dot writes numbers on the ceiling. Michelangelo paints the ceiling using a trampoline]
[Low-angle shot of The Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. The camera pans left to a blank space]
I still don't know what to paint in this blank space. And his eminence will be here any minute.
CCrowd
It's His Eminence! [as Michelangelo and The Warner Siblings turn and a red carpet rolls into The Sistine Chapel] His Eminence! Look, it's His Eminence! His Eminence is coming! His Eminence! Gadzooks, it's His Eminence!
YYakko
Don't worry, Mike. You go say howdy, we'll finish up.
[runs up to His Eminence] Your Eminence. [kisses toes] I'm so glad you could come. [kisses toes] I worked so hard to please you. [kisses toes] I hope you'll like my ceiling. [shocked] HUH! I'm ruined!
[We see Elliot from E.T. in a juxtaposition of The Creation of Adam; Michelangelo cries. Camera pans up to reveal Steven Spielberg ]
YYakko
[giving Michelangelo a bowl of Quaker Oats Life cereal and pouring milk into it] Hey, Mikey, he likes it! [jumping into Steven Spielberg's arms] Painting is like show business. You have to know your audience.
[The cartoon opens up on an aerial shot of The Warner Brothers Studio as upbeat music plays throughout the background. Cut to Warner Brothers Studios building. Inside, a woman passes by a portrait of Thaddeus Plotz. Camera pans right to his office]
UMUnknown man
[first lines; to two other unknown men] He's a chicken, I tell ya. A giant chicken!
[Fade to inside of office]
Dr. Scratchansniff, do you know what keeps this studio running?
Err, your brilliant leadership, T.P.?
I mean besides that. What keeps this place going?
YES! That's it, sniff. And how do we pay for those movies? With money! money. And we need more. With that in mind, I've invited some powerful foreign investors to come here tomorrow. They'll prepare to give us... [babbling and drooling in excitement] 1 billion of it. Billion of it. 1 billion. 1 billion dollars! Do you know what that means?
Ja, that's a one with lots und lots of zeros after it.
No! It means tomorrow is the most important day in the studio's history! I'm throwing a gala banquet on sound stage 10. Now, every star in Hollywood will be there. Investors will get the royal treatment, and we'll get the check, IF, it goes smoothly. There's just one catch. Before they invest, they wanna meet every one who works here. Including you.
Ooh, that's nice. I like to party.
And including, the Warner Brothers.
[The Warner Siblings are running around outside]
YWYakko and Wakko
Hi, T.P.!
No, T.P.! Don't let the investors meet The Warners! They're out of control! They're koo-koo! They're-
Your responsibility. You're the studio psychiatrist. You have 24 hours, Scratchensniff, to teach them some manners. I can't have those-those-What are they?
Well, I can't have them ruining this banquet! Understand?!
Trying is not good enough, Scratchensniff. [shouting loudly, blowing Dr. Scratchensniff away] DO IT!!!
[bouncing out of the building] Uh! Eh! Pleugh! [falls down, and rests his elbow on the concrete, irate] Rggrgh!
[After "The Studio Shrink Song"]
Stop zat! Stop! Do you know why you're here?
YYakko
No one really knows why, Doc, although Schopenhauer put forth an interesting theory-
YYakko
[standing next to Miss Interpreting] No, this is Miss Interpreting.
[standing next to Miss Understanding] This is Miss Understanding.
[laying on a pillow] And I'm Miss-terious.
[playing with a golden bust of Sigmund Freud] Wow, a giant Pez dispenser! Want one?
YYakko
[taking a Pez] Please.
Stop playing with my bust!
[Awkward pause]
YYakko
[blows the audience a kiss] Goodnight, everybody!
Be quiet, please! I have something to tell you!
Get right to the scary part.
The part with my pet. [opens the tiny white box. Dot's pet appears as giant crab with eyeball replacing its head]
[startled] Eagh! Ya, yeah your pet, okay. Good pet. Heh heh heh. Now, listen. The studio is getting a big fancy party for some new investors, with movie stars und everything, und, uh, you have been invited.
YYakko
Michelle Pfeiffer.
Please! There's also some bad news.
Bea Arthur is putting out a swimsuit calendar?
She is? Of course, not. No. The bad news is you can only go if I train you to be polite, clean, well-dressed children on your best behavior.
[wearing a party hat and holding a pony by the reins in front of balloons] I thought you said it was a party!
Und now my little, uh, friends, we shall begin training you for the party. Oh, Miss Nurse! Will you please come in here?
[Hello Nurse opens the door, walking in provocatively]
YWYakko and Wakko
[panting] Hello, Nurse!
Miss Nurse here, is going to assist me in your lessons on etiquette. We'll start with ze receiving line. [the Warner Siblings all form a line behind Hello Nurse and do a conga dance] No, no, zat's a conga line!
YYakko
Ooh, nice to know you're up on your dance steps, doc.
Grragh! Hurgh! Hrrr! RRRRR!
Now, in a receiving line, if I introduced her to you, what would be ze proper greeting?
YWYakko and Wakko
Hello, Nurse!
No, no, a proper greeting like zis. [bows and shake hands] "How do you do?" Now, you try.
YYakko
[bows and shake hands] How do you do...that thing with your mouth? [lands in Hello Nurse's arms, then kisses her] Take me away, but be gentle. I'm fragile. [fractures into many tiny pieces]
[as Dot puts Yakko back together] No, no, it is impolite to be that personal. [to Wakko] Wakko?
No, I want you to greet ze lady.
[literally zooms around to Hello Nurse at lightning speed, with a lightning bolt trailing behind him, kissing her] Hello, Nurse!
No, no, no, "How do you do?".
Oh, fine, thanks. [shakes Dr. Scratchensniff's hand]
Rgh! [to Dot] Dot, would you care to give it a try? But, I'd like you to make a little curtzy.
Thanks, but I did before I left home.
No, a curtzy, make a little curtzy!
YWYakko and Wakko
[laughing] Make a little curtzy, a curtzy! [do a curtzy] A little curtzy! [do a curtzy, they laugh more]
Stop it! Stop zat! I am not here to amuse you!
YYakko
Then, please, stop being so funny!
[Wakko laughs]
[facepalms] Now, Dot, please give it a try.
How do you do? [does a curtzy, then midway, collapses onto the floor] Tee-hee, curtsy laugh.
Ooh! [double facepalms on the couch] Nngnhuh! Let's move on.
YWYakko and Wakko
And lift!
[pushing a fridge with a lift] Comin' through!
YYakko
Uh, where do you want the couch, Mac?
Now, we will work on our diction. How do we avoid bad elocution?
YYakko
Stay inside during a thunder storm.
[Wakko does a rim shot]
No, no, elocution, diction, pronunciation! We will work on our vowel sounds! Let's pronounce zis! A-e-i-o-u.
[trying to pronounce the as one word] "Aeiou"...
No, no. I want ze letters, the letters!
[dressed as mail men, throwing actual letters out of mail bags] Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff, Scratchansniff.
YYakko
Hey! Doctor Otto Scratchansniff! You may have won 10 million dollars!
Are you married? [kisses Dr. Scratchansniff 6 times. The lip imprints stay]
With a temper like that, it's no wonder.
Stop! Haltenzie! For-ge-No! In your seats! [the lip imprints disappear] If you want to go to the party, you must stop with the gags!
[The Warner Siblings all wear physical restraints. Wakko has a lock, and Yakko and Dot have blindfolds over their mouths]
YYakko
[in unison with Dot, taking the blindfolds off] Oh, alright.
[The Warner Siblings all jump off a high diving board into a small tub of water]
[The Warner Siblings splash him and the screen]
[nervously] Please, tell our honored new investors this party is our way of saying welcome, and, heh heh heh, [in a Western accent] you're A-O.K., partner. Ha ha ha ha.
TMiss Tanaka
[to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Yoko so, soshite anat wa A-O.K., partner. ("Welcome, And you're A-O.K., partner.")
[still nervous] Heh heh heh.
Ahem. Dr. Scratchensniff is arriving with The Warner Brothers.
[praying] Please, let those kids behave. I want my money. I want my money.
Uh... [points to Dr. Scratchensniff and the Warner Siblings]
Mr. Chairman, may I present, the Warner Brothers!
Addendum-the Warner Sister.
TMiss Tanaka
[in a Japanese accent] Gokigen ikaga desuka? ("How are you?")
YYakko
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Tokyo wa totemo omoshiroi tokuro desu ne. ("Tokyo is an extremely interesting place, isn't it?")
[to Yakko, in a Japanese accent] Zehi irashite kudesai. ("Please, go there.")
YYakko
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Mada iki basho ga areba ne. ("If there's still a place to go, eh?")
[He and the Japanese investors laugh. Thaddeus Plotz laughs. The Japanese investors look at him. Thaddeus Plotz sighs weakly]
[The Warners walk into the party. They see Spike Lee, Annette Bening, and Warren Beatty sitting at a table]
SLSpike Lee
[to a baby on Warren Beatty's back] How about a smile, please baby, please baby baby baby please?
[They see Bea Arthur sitting at a fancy party with Danny DeVito, who is dressed as The Penguin, eating a large bucket of fish]
BABea Arthur
I'm putting out a swimsuit calendar.
DDDanny DeVito
[gags] Not while I'm eating!
Good work, Scratchansniff. I'm amazed! Heh, you did it! The Warners behaved. [turns around, serious] Now, get them out of here.
[shocked] What? But they did their part of the bargain.
I want them out. I don't have that check yet, and they're not going to mess it up. Get 'em out!
[sighs sadly, walks up to the Warners] Vell, kids, that's enough for one night, eh?
[leading them back to the water tower] Don't want you to get over-tired. It's getting late. So, it's off to bed with you. Now, now, come along. Let's go nighty-night.
YYakko
Hey, what are you doing?
Uh. I'm sorry, but ze chairman of the board said you had to leave.
Yeah, I know, and I'm sorry. Now, go on now. Go-Go on now. [leaves]
No dinner with Mel Gibson?
YYakko
No dancing with Michelle Pfeiffer?
No chit-chat with Don Knotts?
YYakko
[as he, Wakko, and Dot climb up the ladder] Well, I know when we're not wanted. I know when we should just go home. [climbing back down] Now is not one of those times.
[Michelle Pfieffer who is dressed as Catwoman is drinking milk from a saucer. She is licking her left arm]
YWYakko and Wakko
[popping up out of the saucer] Hello Kitty!
MPMichelle Pfieffer
Who are you?
YWYakko and Wakko
[jumping out of the saucer] We're The Warner Brothers.
MPMichelle Pfieffer
Like the studio?
YYakko
Not much, but we don't have a choice.
Did you know there's a Thing in your milk?
[The Thing hops out of the saucer. The Thing walks away]
[offscreen] There they are, Scratchansniff!
[Wakko runs off]
YYakko
Save a spot for me on your dance card. [runs off]
[Thaddeus Plotz and Dr. Scratchansniff chase after Yakko and Wakko]
[Thaddeus Plotz has captured the Warners]
Ruin my studio, will you?! You-You-You whatever you ares!
TMiss Tanaka
[tapping on his shoulder] Mr. Kato would like to know who is responsible for all of this.
It was them! I had nothing to do with it. They're responsible!
TMiss Tanaka
[to Mr. Kato and second Japanese investor, in a Japanese accent] Warner Brothers no sekinin desu. ("This is the responsibility of The Warner Brothers.")
KOMr. Kato and other Japanese investor
[to Yakko, in Japanese accents in unison] Great party! Great party! Great party! Great party! Ha ha ha ha!
Great party? Oh, oh, oh, yes. Uh, Great party![laughs. The Japanese investors glare at him; sighs weakly]
[to Yakko] We love The Warner Brothers! [giving The Warner Siblings the 1 billion dollar check] And here you go.
TMiss Tanaka
Mr. Kato presents the check for 1 billion dollars.
[to Yakko] You are A-O.K., partner!
MMadonna
[walks up to Mr. Kato and other Japanese investor] C'mon, you guys. We're going to play Truth or Dare. [takes them away arm and arm]
[Thaddeus Plotz's turns red, steaming up]
YYakko
[to Dr. Scratchansniff] Well, Doc, there's a lesson to be learned in all of this.
YYakko
I have no idea, but apparently it's worth a billion dollars.
[last lines; in anger] That's my check! Give me that! [starts chasing after The Warner Siblings, speeding] Give me that! That's mine! Come back here with my money! That's my check!
[Dr. Scratchansniff turns to the audience and gives the "Crazy" gesture before fading to black, ending this episode]
[after hanging up on the Warners] Oh my. What have I done? Where's my aspirin? [opens his cabinet drawer]
[Yakko, Wakko and Dot appear out of the drawer]
YYakko
Reporting for work, sir!
[Yakko, Wakko and Dot kiss Mr. Plotz, and start cleaning and organizing his office]
I thought you needed us to be your secretaries.
Never! [Wakko swallows Plotz's WB shield-shaped paperweight] And give me back my paperweight!
Okay, but you'll have to wait a while.
YYakko
[blows a kiss, to the audience] Goodnight, everybody!
Ferman Flaxseed is pouring a bag of marshmallows into a barrel. Yakko, disguised as a mail man, comes in with a telegram for him]
YYakko
Telegram for Ferman Flaxseed! [hands him the envelope] How about a tip?
FFFerman Flaxseed
Don't eat lead!
[as he and Dot appear out of envelope] Didja miss us?
Give us a kiss, kid! [kisses him on the nose. They run as he gives chase]
Look! Malted milk balls! [pours the malted milkballs out of the jar and into his mouth. He becomes a machine gun as Ferman Flaxseed advances towards them. He spits them out with Dot winding his tail, shooting at Ferman Flaxseed. Ferman Flaxseed deflects the malted milkballs, which go into Yakko's mouth, using the silver platter as a shield. Wakko runs out of malted milkballs] I'm out!
FFFerman Flaxseed
[angrily grabs Wakko and Dot and holds them up] Naugh-ty, naugh-ty children!
[offscreen] Stop right there! [as her shadow overlooms Ferman Flaxseed] You put those children down, you beast!
[Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July stands at the doorway with a ruler, very angrily; Yakko smiles]
FFFerman Flaxseed
But, you-don't understand! They were-
WDWakko and Dot
[pretending to cry] WAH!
Come on, girls! That's the one I toldja about! Get him!
[She and the nuns march in angrily, with yard sticks in their hands. Camera trucks-in on Ferman Flaxseed's terrified face]
FFFerman Flaxseed
Wait! You're nuns! You're not allowed to resort to physical violence!
He's right. Let us pray. [she and the nuns pray mumblingly. Outside Flaxseed's Totallity of Candy, a Notre Lame bus pulls up. Cheerleaders and The Notre Lame Marching Band come out of the bus as The Notre Lame Football Team comes to beat up Ferman Flaxseed] Our prayers have been answered! [blows the whistle]
[The Notre Lame Football Team marches down an aisle of Cheerleaders and beat up Ferman Flaxseed]
WWarnerss
[cheerleading] Clobber Flaxseed, clobber Flaxseed! Sis-boom-bah! Fighting Irish, Fighting Irish! Rah! Rah! Rah!
Go, Flaxseed! [violence stops] Just kidding!
[Violence continues. The Warners eat popcorn as they watch the violence. The Notre Lame Football Team stops beating up Ferman Flaxseed, and leaves. So do Sister Margaret-Mary-Anne-June-July and the nuns. Ferman Flaxseed is beaten up and weak from the fight]
YYakko
You should go hit the shower!
[They throw him into the quick drying chocolate. He gets covered in chocolate]
Make sure to wash behind your ears!
[They dunk him in quick drying chocolate. He becomes a chocolate bunny]
Animaniacs · 261 quotes
