[The cartoon opens up on a map of Renaissance Italy]
[narrating, as the camera trucks in on the map of Renaissance Italy] The Italian Renaissance, [as the camera pans right past The Mona Lisa, The Last Supper, and The Birth of Venus ] a glorious time of unprecedented achievement in the arts. [as the camera pans right to a man hole] And perhaps the era's greatest figure was Michelangelo Buonarroti. [the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles come out of the man hole. The Narrator, a caricature of John Houseman appears in a purple circle] I'm afraid popular culture has successfully eradicated the actual identities of the true poets of art. My opinion? [binding The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with a cane] This stinks.
[pulls the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles into the purple circle with the cane] I shall deal with you later. [to the viewers] Now, for a brief reality check. [starting a slideshow] Michelangelo was a brilliant artist, not a turtle. His most famous works include: the marble masterpiece statue of David, and of course, the Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Yes, this too was created by the tortured genius, Michelangelo, but even this great artist needed help to carry out his vision.
[Rome, circa 1512 A.D. Michelangelo, a caricature of Kirk Douglas, angrily kicks two painters out of The Sistine Chapel]
Out! Out, you incompetent FOOLS! You call yourselves artists?! [puts a "Painters wanted" sign on the door] You just can't get good help these days. [goes back inside. The camera trucks in on the "Painters wanted" sign. High-angle shot of Michelangelo walking over to three peasants] And you! How can I work with all you peasants kneeling and mumbling?!
PPeasant
But, Michelangelo, this is a church.
Oh, that explains that infernal bell ringing.
[The bell rings periodically]
QQuasimodo
Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
QUIET! [slams the door. Quasimodo shrugs. Michelangelo goes up the ladder] I must be finished with my great masterpiece tonight, before His Eminence arrives. But I fired all my assistants. I'm alone! ALL ALONE! [sobs intensely] Oh, heavenly muse, send me some help!
[Yakko kicks the door open, destroying the scaffold Michelangelo is on, causing him to fall into a can of red paint]
It's Yakko and Wakko, and our sister, Dot!
Friends, we'll paint any ceiling for just 29.95. Right! How do we do it? No overhead. In fact, when we get through, you'll have nothing overhead! And if you hire us, you'll have nothing in your head! We paint ceilings, ceilings and ONLY ceilings! We don't paint floors cuz they're beneath us.
[angrily standing, boiling, covered in red paint] Who are you?! What are you doing here?!
We heard you had a ceiling that needs painting.
Nice bungalow. This your place?
You fools, I'm the great Michelangelo! And this is the Sistine chapel!
Oh, yeah? If you're so great, what did you do with the other fifteen chapels, huh? Gotcha there.
Out! Out! HOW DARE YOU! [prepares to throw The Warner Siblings out, but he gets thrown out himself, confused] Huh?
Well, that takes care of the competition.
Gentlemen, start your rollers!
[Yakko and Wakko get white paint]
You know, a little touch-up will do wonders for this place.
[dressed up as the Guardian of the Gates] Nobody gets in to see the Wizard. Not nobody. Not nohow.
[gasps] The Witch's Michaelangelo? Well. Now, that's a ceiling of a different color.
[gasps] Argh! What have you done to my beautiful ceiling?!
[Shows white ceiling]
Ya like it? I gotta tell ya, we had a heck of a time covering up those naked people.
You FOOLS! You've ruined it! It's supposed to have pictures!
Pictures? He wants pictures!
Hey, don't worry Mike, our mistake. [whispering] This hasn't happened to us since that Venus de Milo arms fiasco.
Say, why don't you go paint that Moaning Lisa, Leonardo?
That's de-lovely, but, we got a ceiling to paint.
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and two books] Here. Just pick out a wallpaper pattern and relax. We'll take care of everything.
[wearing toilet plungers on his feet] Yeah, when it comes to ceilings, we're the tops!
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and a refrigerator] Oh, and while you're at it, pick out the linoleum, why don't-cha?
[giving Michelangelo wallpapers and a fish bowl with a goldfish in it] And don't forget your upholstery and your bathroom fixtures.
Now, don't you worry your pretty, little head. By the way, nice toga.
[looking at wallpaper designs] Let me see now, this lovely floral pattern might be just- [realizing that he's been tricked, knocking the stack of wallpapers, books, and objects down] HEY, wait a minute! I'll teach those idiots to fool with the great Michelangelo! [hits the cylinder, making the statue of Moses, and slams the door open] No. No! NO! [sees a bullfighter, A Waterloo by C.M. Coolidge, big-eyed children by Margaret Keane, and Elvis Presley; cries] I'm ruined! RUINED!
I knew it. He prefers the young Elvis.
It is supposed to look like THIS! [shows them The Sistine Chapel Ceiling paper]
I wouldn't go flashing that around if I were you, Mike. [whispering] This is a church. [takes the paper, scrunches it up, and throws it away]
But His Eminence is coming tonight and I MUST be finished! Please, you gotta help me! [cries]
Wait a minute, you expect us poor innocent children to climb up dangerous scaffolding and paint naked people all over a church?
YWYakko, Wakko and Dot
We'll do it!
[speaking at a podium as Wakko and Dot play "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" on kazoos] But we're not doing it for the sake of art. And we're not doing it for the sake of money. No, we're doing it because, we like painting naked people.
[Yakko sprays white paint on the ceiling. Wakko sharpens a pencil, and paints outline on tightrope extremely quickly. Dot writes numbers on the ceiling. Michelangelo paints the ceiling using a trampoline]
[Low-angle shot of The Ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. The camera pans left to a blank space]
I still don't know what to paint in this blank space. And his eminence will be here any minute.
CCrowd
It's His Eminence! [as Michelangelo and The Warner Siblings turn and a red carpet rolls into The Sistine Chapel] His Eminence! Look, it's His Eminence! His Eminence is coming! His Eminence! Gadzooks, it's His Eminence!
Don't worry, Mike. You go say howdy, we'll finish up.
[runs up to His Eminence] Your Eminence. [kisses toes] I'm so glad you could come. [kisses toes] I worked so hard to please you. [kisses toes] I hope you'll like my ceiling. [shocked] HUH! I'm ruined!
[We see Elliot from E.T. in a juxtaposition of The Creation of Adam; Michelangelo cries. Camera pans up to reveal Steven Spielberg ]
[giving Michelangelo a bowl of Quaker Oats Life cereal and pouring milk into it] Hey, Mikey, he likes it! [jumping into Steven Spielberg's arms] Painting is like show business. You have to know your audience.
