American Dad! quotes

Hello... I'm Patrick Stewart, theatre genius. Late last year, I found unsuccessful New York playwright Chester Winkle dead in his extended-stay hotel room. Among his belongings were a hot plate, a stack of Baby Gap catalogs, and 12 American Dad episodes he had written for the stage in one cocaine-fueled night. They were literally the finest collection of words ever put to paper. And now, we're proud to present the only one of Mr. Winkle's plays I didn't eat out of sheer jealousy: Blood Crieth Unto Heaven.

And now, we return to Act 2. Gezhundheit. Just kidding. The theatre can be a lonely place.

Stan

It was the best day of my life. Until it was not that... at all.

Francine

I wanted to be the mother of the first boy to whack it on the moon.

Francine

I should be dead, or at least, be able to control things with my mind.

Hayley

What... the hell... just happened... my Jeff, my dear sweet...my dear sweet... my Jeffmmmm.

Roger

Hurry up, Hayley. You're sitting in the middle.

Roger

Do I have to go? My planet is freezing cold, there's no booze and sex is so boring up there, it's all consensual.

You haven't said a thing about my paintings.

Stan

Am I out of my mind...or am I out of my socks?

(screams)

Stan

No stab!

Ah! Detroit tap water!

Roger

[whispering] Space rape.

Steve

Any man who ever did anything great was just trying to show up some piece of ass who didn't give him any.

Okay, you spelled "sacrikiss" while gazing into the boy's eyes.

Roger

Well, there are ways to get people to do what you want without they're knowing it.

Francine

Are you suggesting I trick him?

Roger

Sure, it's easy. I once got him to drink my pee by telling him it was a fancy beer.

Francine

What an idiot.

Francine

The church sent missionaries to America to teach the Indians the correct method of sex. In return, they taught us the correct method of sitting in second grade.