Time to lay down, beautiful buddy.
Yeah. Time to make sleepies! [focus on the dead charred Princess Plant]
Ahh. ..We killed it, man!
Okay... all we gotta do is go to the Land of the Dead and reclaim the flower's soul from Death before Bubblegum returns.
Peppermint Butler[enters] Excuse me, but did you all say "Land of the Dead"?
[Jake hides plant under pillow] Oh, what?! Oh— uh... yeah.
Peppermint Butler
I can take you.
Peppermint Butler
Certainly, Finn. For a small price, which we can discuss later. Take my hands, gentlemen. [Finn and Jake each hold Peppermint Butler's hands facing a corner between two walls] Stare into where the two walls meet. Now slowly... cross your eyes. Do it, fools!
[Finn and Jake cross their eyes and the corner divides into two, creating a portal in between]
Peppermint Butler
The portal opens! Say hi to Death for me if you see him. He lives in a castle made of light.
Thanks, Peppermint Butler.
Peppermint Butler
And don't drink the— [portal closes] water...
Well, well, well... This is everyone, then?
Peppermint Butler
Yes, all the castle staff.
So which one of yooou was it? Who did the thing!?
CPCandy Person
The... thing?
FFF-FF-FFFFFNNNNUH!!! [unfolds the Dog Buns note] THE THING!!! THE THING!!!
Peppermint Butler
Hey, man! Calm down! It's just a prank, man! For laughs!
Prank? For l-laughs? ..Yes, of course. Just a harmless prank. For laughs. Ahhh... [jiggling his head all-around laughing]
Peppermint Butler
Ha... heh-heh-heh...
Twelve years dungeon. All of you — dungeon. Seven years, no trials. Come on! Let's move it!
[Peppermint Butler and Braco proceed into her lab, where Bubblegum is seen sleeping with a pizza box on her head]
Peppermint Butler
Prubs!
[wakes up] Hey, what? [takes pizza slice off her face] Pff... who's that?
Peppermint Butler
This is Braco.
BBraco
Son of Logan, who was begat by Hobus.
[writing notes down] Okay... yeah?
BBraco
I want to take you... on a date. [PB pauses for a beat]
Thank you, Braco. That's very sweet, but no.
Peppermint Butler
Princess, this lab reeks like brown mist! It's unhealthy. You've got to get outside and do some research on boys!
That is way out of line, Peps, and you guys are donking up my research! [starts thrashing stuff off her desk] Hello!! Donk!! Donk!!
BBraco
Princess, I love you! I-I love you so much it hurts! The pain, it— Uhh... [PB walks to him and uses a laser pointer on his right eye]
Hmm. What you're feeling is called infatuation. The pain is the product of you overvaluing a projected, imaginary relationship with me.
BBraco
No, Princess! What I feel is real! Meet me in the garden tonight and unlock the mystery [runs to the balcony and jumps down] of me-e-e-e-e!!
BBraco
[lying on top of Mr. Cupcake] Come to me tonight!
[beat] Okay, Braco. But just for research, all right?
Peppermint Butler
Good job, man! You take it from here!
PJPrismo/Jake
Peppermint Butler! Death!
Peppermint Butler
Hey, um... those guys are doing selfies on the Lich. [pan right to see Grob Gob Glob Grod taking pictures of themselves on the Lich's shoulder] Is that safe?
[chuckles] Definitely gonna send these to Denise.
Oh yeah, that's fine. He's harmless.
Peppermint Butler
Yeah, but why isn't he killing everyone in the room right now? Controlling our minds, making us rip each other's eyes out while we buttercup one another?
Well, the Lich's primary function is to cause mass death. And since he can't do that while he is trapped in my Time Room, he's stuck in a standstill, like a machine without a purpose.
Peppermint Butler
[turns back] ..I'm so scared right now.
Aw, don't worry, he ain't gonna hurt nobody. [stretches his body over, puts his cup on the Lich's head] Ha!! You got a cup on your head! Ha ha, you dingus! [laughs, stretches back] See, he's docile as a lamb.
Peppermint Butler
Hmm... Well, okay. Then I guess I can go for a selfie too!
Yeah, man! Make your dreams come true!
You really like chopping wood, huh?
Peppermint Butler
I'm not chopping wood. I made a toothpick from the ancient elm! See?
Oh-hoh! He-heh— [the tree crashes through the window] Whoa!! [a scathed Marceline peeks out the tree]
What the dip, Marceline?!
Sorry, it was supposed to be a joke. Actually... I have something really serious to ask. I want you to do the procedure. The one we talked about?
I'm sorry, but I don't think you'd make a good blonde.
No, not that. I don't wanna be a vampire anymore.
You said you were working on a cure, right?
[sighs] Well, the machine is built and the serums are ready, but... are you sure you wanna do this?
I'm sure. Some bad things happened to me when I was little. When I became a vampire, I was just a messed-up kid. Now it's a thousand years later and I'm still messed up! [Peppermint Butler nods] I don't want to spend eternity like this... with this emptiness. I want to grow up.
You done it this time, Marceline! You sucked the life out of defenseless animals!
You think I'm buyin' that, Boom Boom Mountain?!
You want proof? Look! [punches the ceiling, debris falls on his head] Ouch! Proof how often I'm gonna go if you don't confess!
[scales down] I'm wailing out!! [Finn sits on Jake]
Listen, Marcy, I can barely control this guy. And the villagers are getting crazy! They want to run you over with a wagon, and I'm offering you a way out. [Peppermint Butler walks in]
Peppermint Butler
Hey, dalewaids, I just swept the place.
Finn, be real for a second.
Look into my eyes, man! I didn't do it!
[Finn stares in her deep solemn eyes. He grows suspicious as she starts twitching]
To be honest, it looks like you're not sure if you did it.
Okay, I'm not sure! Something... weird happened last night. I had a weird dream about stuff.
Dream stuff always means somethin'!
We'll figure this out, Marcy, together. We promise.
Peppermint Butler
That's cool, you guys, but clean this mess also, you bums.
Bonnie, I don't get it. Jake's talking about vamps at the same time you fixed me, and there can't be any still around!
Well, clearly something's creeping around.
Okay, what about the paste you took out of me? That should be all that's left that's vampiric in the modern world.
It's all over there, safely in the safety bucket. [all gone] What?! Pep But, what'd you do with the gunk?!
Peppermint Butler
Hold on, I'm working.
Okay, there was one that looked like if a baby snake was a baby-baby.
[Pep But scribbles in his sketchbook and shows an illustration of a larva-like thing with its tongue out on top]
Nah, that's not right. There was another one that looked like if an ant hill were a girl.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of ant hill with eyelashes and lips]
Nah, that's not right. There's one of them that looked like a wet uncle.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of a face with a tie, messy hair and moustache with teardrops]
Nah, that's not right. There was a lady who looked like black drapes on a cake pop.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of a cake pop and drapes]
Nah, that's not right. There was also one that looked like an angry stop sign coming out of a loaf of bread.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of what looks like a epicanthic folded face between two sides]
Nah, that's not—oh, actually, that one's pretty close.
[Finn and Jake burp constantly to a severely poisoned Marceline]
Cut it out! That's not helping her!
But Mom and Dad always burped on us.
Sorry, guys, there are no cure-alls. Your parents were just burping on you for kicks.
Oh, yeah, that makes sense. [burps] Oh, sorry, last one.
Auh! What did you eat, Jake?!
Hey, now! I pride myself in having nice-smelling burps. Just kidding.
Pride, hmm. Do you guys know what "hubris" is?
It's like an old-timey deity who weighed your deeds on a scale.
No, it means excessive pride or arrogance.
No, it's true. I believed in myself so much that I was blind to the possible consequences.
Don't believe in yourself so much then, dum-dum!
[crying] Now my best friend is dying of poison because of me.
That ain't true, PB! Marcy took a risk, and you helped her because you're her friend. Real friends take each other to the edge of death. 'Cause death is life! Right, Finn?
Shoot, yeah! I get poisoned all the time just doing the dishes.
Peppermint Butler
I get poisoned on purpose—for research. I have a poison lab back at the castle.
Well, let's get our butts over there, then! Find the Moon, Finn. We'll work on an antidote. You guys take her back to the poison lab. Maybe we can extract her healing powers.
Word. [everyone runs off except LSP]
Hey, wait! What should I do? You guys? [pushes a stake out of her] Brrrrr... Hahahahaha!
Adventure Time · 447 quotes
