Jake the Dog quotes from Adventure Time

Dude! Her parents are probably all full of dog-hatred from the war-times! They're gonna see you're a dog and forbid Lady from ever hanging out with you again!

Jake

...Nah. That could never happen.

You didn't think this through enough. IT COULD HAPPEN!!

S2 E12 Her Parents

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It's a brave little gnome knight!

Jake

What? That's a frog dressed up like a gnome knight!

GKGnome Knight

Actually, I'm a gnome knight who was magically transformed into a frog, and then I decided to continue being a knight.

Jake

And now you're, like, attracting a mate?

GKGnome Knight

NO!! I'm on the verge of death!!

S2 E13 The Pods

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The goblins have suffered long enough, Xergiok!

Xergiok

Shush! You guys can't live without me, right?

GGoblins

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owowowowow!

Jake

You got problems, man.

S2 E14 The Silent King

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Everything small is just a small version of something big! I understand everything!!

Jake

Whoa, bud, are you okay?

Oh, Jake... I'm better than okay! I know exactly how to impress the Princess.

Jake

More spit bubbles?

No, no. Those spit bubbles were as fragile as my old perception of reality. But wait. Maybe you're onto something. I could show the Princess bubbles the likes of which no one has ever seen!!

Jake

And how will you do that?

I'll start with a solid bulleted list!

S2 E15 The Real You

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Ladies and gentlemen—and Princess... I'm here to talk about multidimensional bubbles! But I am not just going to talk about blowing bubbles — I'm going to blow... your... minds.

Hmm?

This is a bubble blower of my own design. With this, you can blow bubbles in different dimensions.

[he sets the device to two and blows out a flat, depthless bubble]

This two-dimensional bubble casts a one-dimensional shadow.

[he sets the device from two to three and blows out a normal bubble]

A three-dimensional bubble casts a two-dimensional shadow.

[he sets the device from three to four, blows out what appears to be a projection of a four-dimensional tesseract]

A fourth-dimensional bubble casts a three-dimensional shadow. It is beyond comprehension! Beyond space! Beyond time!

Finn, that would mean you've created—

Yes—A BLACK HOLE!!! [everything starts to getting sucked into the hole]

Jake

WHOOAAHH!! [grabs a pole and stretches himself to another pole, holding the screaming crowd]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah!! [Jake grabs him and pulls him into the group with Bubblegum] Whoa!

Finn!! Do something!!

It's okay. I'm sure the solution is on my bulleted... LIST!! [the list gets sucked into the hole] Don't worry. I have EVERYTHING under control.

UNDER CONTROL?! My guests are terrified!

YES!! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland!! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this NDE is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess?! We were all BORN TO DIE!!

YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL US ALL?!?

No, of course not! I'm trying to give you the GREATEST CONFERENCE EVER!!!

Finn... you've gone insane!

What?! No way, I'm like the smartest guy in Ooo, thanks to these glasses.

Glasses? Finn... take those off. You're not yourself!

But—

[cries] Please!! I need the real you!

S2 E15 The Real You

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[after losing to Sleepy Sam again in "Guardians of Sunshine" game]

Argh!! Every time!! BMO, this game is the worst! If we were really inside that game, man, we would crush Sleepy Sam, breezily — with my mitts.

Oh, no! It's much more dangerous than you think.

Whoa, whoa, wait!

Jake

Beemo, is there a way for us to get in the game for real?

Yes, of course, Jake. [opens compartment with a red button] If I push this button—

[Jake presses BMO's button repeatedly to no avail. BMO moves Jake's hand aside]

If I push this button, you will both be dangerously transported into my main-brain-game-frame, where it is very dangerous.

Oh, man! Oh, BMO! You gotta let us in that game!

No! It's a far-too-dangerous incredible adventure for you. That's final.

[beat] Oh... okay, BMO. Welp, time for bed!

Jake

Finn?

Time for bed. [elbows him] Right, Jake?

Jake

Oh, right! Heh-heh. G'night, BMO. [BMO looks at them suspiciously] Time for bed.

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[Scene changes into later that night, showing Finn and Jake sneaking back into the main room of their treehouse. Jake slips the blanket off of a sleeping BMO and opens the compartment where the button to transport Finn and Jake is. Finn graps a feather out of his mouth and hands it to Jake. Jake then tickles the button to try to get BMO to slam it. BMO grunts a few times and then slams the red button down, which releases electricity from BMO, transporting Finn and Jake (who are screaming in surprise and fear) into Guardians of Sunshine. The art style changes into a 3D polygonal look and Finn and Jake are transformed into pixel versions of themselves]

We're in the game!

Jake

Look! There's the sunshine we gotta protect! [points to the sun in the video game] And there's a hole we're supposed to go down! [points to a cave] And there's you...doing whatever you're doing. [points to Finn]

I'm looking at my bits! My leg is math!

Jake

Mmm. That sunshine feels good. Feels good all over!

No wonder all the monsters in this game want to get their grubby mitts on it! Let's go kick their digital bootays!

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Jake

[sniffs] Hey, what stinks? Smells like...

Pit!!

[camera pans out to show a stretching virtual lava pit]

Looks a mite bigger inside the game.

Jake

Jumping over this pit is easy, remember? We can do this backwards with our eyes closed. [leaps backwards into the pit] AHH!! I'M BURNING!!

JAAAAAAAAKE!!!! [a starting jingle is heard]

Jake

[chuckles] What, man?

Wha?! Jake, what the shank?!

Jake

Check it out — extra lives.

You still have two left! [Jake falls laughing into the pit again]

Jake

AHH-HA!! OW!! IT BURNS!! OW!! AHH-HA!!

[Jake's life icons are reduced to one]

Jake!!

Jake

[reappears] Doo do-do-doo!

Dude, what if losing all your lives in here makes you die in real life? Or worse?!

Jake

That makes me just want to sit here and feel bad.

No way, man! We're gonna cross that hole with real-world grit! Come on!

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Fire pit, Bouncy Bee, Hunny Bunny - they're supposed to be the easy parts. They're all hard as butts! Sleepy Sam is gonna be the ultimate butt-kicker.

Jake

Look, Finn. The most important thing to remember is that I still have one giant coin.

Man, get ahold of your brains. We need to stay alert for Sleepy Sam.

Jake

(points ahead) Hey, that's him right there.

(Sleepy Sam is seen sitting away from Finn and Jake with its back turned.)

Get down!

(The two sit in prone position to stay out of sight.)

What's he doing? He's probably trying to psych me out.

(Finn gazes at his trusty mitts before emboldening himself and crawling toward Sleepy Sam.)

I'm gonna break you, Sam. When I'm done, they'll call you...Stinky Sam... stupid frog.

(Sleepy Sam continues to sit idly by. Finn gets to his feet and raises his hand, preparing to punch him. However, once he gets close, Sam unleashes a screeching shriek! Finn yells as he is blown back.)

M-m-m-my mitts didn't w-work.... (huffs) Come on, help me punch him!

Jake

Okay!

(Jake pushes Finn toward the still-shrieking Sam, but as he gets close, he is subsequently eaten - and pooped out - losing his second life. Finn respawns, and Sam shrieks again, blowing Jake into Finn's arms.)

Jake

Let's get out of here, man! WE'RE GONNA DIE!!

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Time to lay down, beautiful buddy.

Jake

Yeah. Time to make sleepies! [focus on the dead charred Princess Plant]

Ahh. ..We killed it, man!

Jake

I know!!

Okay... all we gotta do is go to the Land of the Dead and reclaim the flower's soul from Death before Bubblegum returns.

Jake

[beat] Okay.

[enters] Excuse me, but did you all say "Land of the Dead"?

[Jake hides plant under pillow] Oh, what?! Oh— uh... yeah.

I can take you.

Really?

Certainly, Finn. For a small price, which we can discuss later. Take my hands, gentlemen. [Finn and Jake each hold Peppermint Butler's hands facing a corner between two walls] Stare into where the two walls meet. Now slowly... cross your eyes. Do it, fools!

[Finn and Jake cross their eyes and the corner divides into two, creating a portal in between]

The portal opens! Say hi to Death for me if you see him. He lives in a castle made of light.

Jake

Uhh... okay.

Thanks, Peppermint Butler.

And don't drink the— [portal closes] water...

S2 E17 Death in Bloom

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I don't see anyone. I guess you double-killed them with that avalanche.

Jake

Heh... Awesome.

Now we just gotta cross that river.

Jake

River! [descending steps] Man, I'm so thirsty! My mouth's still all dusty!

SSkull

[seen beside steps] Yes...

WAHH!!

SSkull

Drink the water.

Whoa... okay, Jake—don't drink the water.

Jake

Come on! I'm so thirsty!

Dude! That skull wants you to drink the water! It's bad water!

SSkull

Don't drink the water.

Jake

See? That's means good, right? Yup! [cannonballs into river]

Jake? [Jake emerges out and stares at Finn] Jake, why are you making stupid face?

Jake

Who's Jake?

Dang it, I knew that water was junk!

SSkull

Tricked again by the river of forgetfulness!! [crushed by Finn's left foot]

Jake!! Get out of that water right now!!

Jake

Hey! I don't know who you are, mister, but I don't like your attitude. [Finn pauses for a beat; cut to him dragging Jake] Help! Somebody!

S2 E17 Death in Bloom

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Jake

[takes off the orange blindfold off Finn] Surprise!

[examines the "surprise"] Orange blindfold? That is a surprise!

S2 E19 Mystery Train

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You're the only remaining passengers, so the murderer is in this caboose.

[all passengers gasp, murmuring distinctly at each other]

Let me explain how I know who the murderer is. I saw Pineapple Guy skim through the sheet music—sheet music to a song that's very special to Lollipop Girl—a song that reminds her of Ice Cream Guy. Before Colonel Candycorn died, Dr. Ice Cream was in possession of a basket of cabbage, fish and eggs. And you, Pineapple Guy, have cabbage bits on your socks. And you, Chocolate Bar Guy... [holds a dictionary] does this dictionary look familiar? A dictionary which happens to contain the words... [opens dictionary, points at words circled in red pen] "rid," "guests," "at once"? [all passengers gasp heavily] But the real murderer is someone no one suspects. The real murderer is...

[enter another tunnel; all passengers drop their skeletons on the floor. Finn gasps at Jake]

No-one was the murderer?!

Jake

The conductor's still on the train.

Oh, yeah... He did it.

Jake

Yay! You did it! You solved it, Finn!

I knew it — because he's creepy.

Jake

What?! Hmph...

I know — you knew he was the murderer all along. I couldn't have done it without you... you, you, you.

Jake

[hugged] Thank you...

[straining] We make a... great team, pal!

[they enter another tunnel...]

You feel kinda bony... WAHH!! [drops down Jake, bends down on his skeleton] Jake...? [he cradles and starts grieving over Jake's remains] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

[pan right to the conductor on his skateboard, holding a wooden sword]

CConductor

Heh heh heh heh... Hey.

How could you murder all those Candy People?! And... you murdered Jake on my birthday!

CConductor

Yes, and you're next. [Finn lowers Jake's skeleton down and draws a nearby root sword]

Wrong!

S2 E19 Mystery Train

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Finn, you do not want to go down that road with me.

With you, I would walk down any road, milady — especially if it leads to the movies.

Oh, yeah? No one would want to go to the movie with... [transforms into a black unearthly-like monstrosity] ..THIS!!!

[she pummels Finn and Jake with her large appendages crashing every opening all over her house. She latches and carries Finn cackling]

UWA HA HA HA HA!! WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME NOW?!

..How do you like your popcorn?

UGGGHHH!! [demetamorphosizes] You're starting to annoy me!

Well, then let's do something fun, like go to the movies!

Get off me! [throws Finn onto the couch] Finn, I like you, but—

Headlock!!

NO!! [armlocks Finn] Listen to me! I'm not gonna go to the movies with you! I just... don't like you that way.

[Finn closes his eyes and lies on the couch]

I'm sorry, Finn. I just... I don't want to date you.

Date me? Man, I just want to go the movies, but everybody hates me.

Wait — you... don't want me to be your girlfriend?

Huh?! No!! MOVIES!!

If you weren't looking for a girlfriend, then why were you romancing it up all day?

Cos Jake said couples nights have weird kissing requirements and romance-initiation rituals and whatever else.

Jake

I didn't really say all that. [mumbling indistinctly]

Of course I'll go with you, Finn.

You will?

Yeah, as friends.

Of course as friends.

But no tongue.

Ye— what?!

S2 E20 Go With Me

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What're you gonna wish for, dude?

Jake

Oh, y'know — that somethin' special only two bros can share.

I think I'm wishing for the same thing!

Jake

You mean the...

FJFinn & Jake

Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!

[Finn and Jake are seen riding a two headed elephant-like being with lazers for tusks]

Jake

Oh man, I wanna ride it so bad!