I’m blind on my birthday!
“Mystery Train” · Season 2, Episode 19
In this episode: Finn the Human (4), Jake the Dog (2)
[takes off the orange blindfold off Finn] Surprise!
[examines the "surprise"] Orange blindfold? That is a surprise!
What do you think, Dr. Donut? Any clues?
DDr. Donut
[touches Mr. Candycane's skull] Hmm... I think it was the guy would screamed, "I'm gonna kill you." [all passengers murmur indistinctly]
CCColonel Candycorn
Uh— no, no! I-it-it wasn't me, I swear!
Passengers, passengers! I don't think it was Colonel Candycorn.
CCColonel Candycorn
Oh, well, well, thank you.
No! In murder mysteries, it's never the first person you think of — never ever.
MKMarshmallow Kid
So, who do you think it is?
[turns to Colonel] Colonel, do you have any enemies on this train?
CCColonel Candycorn
Well, uh... well, just one. And his or her name is...
[the train enters another tunnel and fades to black; a skeleton of Colonel Candycorn is shown with many passengers screaming]
See?! I knew it wasn't him! But now we need to figure out who his enemy is. It could be anybody.
CPCandy Person
It could even be you.
[beat] ..Yes, it could—except I didn't do it.
CPCandy Person
But... we don't know that.
[points at him] You singled me out to take suspicion off yourself. Are you Colonel Candycorn's enemy?
CPCandy Person
What? No! I was just trying to join in on the conversation!
Suspect numero uno!
[the train enters yet another tunnel with the Candy Person's skeleton shown upon exiting the tunnel. Finn gasps]
Rat traps! I really thought I was on to something.
You're the only remaining passengers, so the murderer is in this caboose.
[all passengers gasp, murmuring distinctly at each other]
Let me explain how I know who the murderer is. I saw Pineapple Guy skim through the sheet music—sheet music to a song that's very special to Lollipop Girl—a song that reminds her of Ice Cream Guy. Before Colonel Candycorn died, Dr. Ice Cream was in possession of a basket of cabbage, fish and eggs. And you, Pineapple Guy, have cabbage bits on your socks. And you, Chocolate Bar Guy... [holds a dictionary] does this dictionary look familiar? A dictionary which happens to contain the words... [opens dictionary, points at words circled in red pen] "rid," "guests," "at once"? [all passengers gasp heavily] But the real murderer is someone no one suspects. The real murderer is...
[enter another tunnel; all passengers drop their skeletons on the floor. Finn gasps at Jake]
No-one was the murderer?!
The conductor's still on the train.
Oh, yeah... He did it.
Yay! You did it! You solved it, Finn!
I knew it — because he's creepy.
What?! Hmph...
I know — you knew he was the murderer all along. I couldn't have done it without you... you, you, you.
[hugged] Thank you...
[straining] We make a... great team, pal!
[they enter another tunnel...]
You feel kinda bony... WAHH!! [drops down Jake, bends down on his skeleton] Jake...? [he cradles and starts grieving over Jake's remains] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[pan right to the conductor on his skateboard, holding a wooden sword]
CConductor
Heh heh heh heh... Hey.
How could you murder all those Candy People?! And... you murdered Jake on my birthday!
CConductor
Yes, and you're next. [Finn lowers Jake's skeleton down and draws a nearby root sword]
Wrong!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Adventure Time pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.