Wait a minute, Jake. Can't you see what this horse is doing? [beat] It's tearing us apart.
JakeAw man, you're right. We have to get rid of this horse! For us!
Jake
Oh, Finn... this horse is bringing us together now. [sheds tear] This horse is a blessing.
WHAT?!! Dude, you've lost it!
Jake
YOUUUU — wait, wait.... [hugs Finn] The horse is tearing us apart again..!
You're right. It's about time I show this horse [shoves Jake] who's the man.
Jake
What are you going to do?
Jake
What are you going to do?!
Do. Doo-doo. I'm gonna kick that horse in the bottom!
Jake
Oh my Grod!
PPrincess
Save me, Finn and Jake!
Jake
Shh!
PPrincess
Save me, Finn and Jake...
Jake
We ARE!!
[...]
PPrincess
Save me, Finn and Jake...
Jake
Why does she keep saying that?
I think she's traumatised, dude.
NKNice King
The main enemy to the Nice King right now is the disorganisation of his love life.
NKNice King
The UGLY ones are all mixed up with the other ones!! I need you to catalog 'em, or something...
Jake
Tuhuhuh... But we punch monsters.
NKNice King
After I choose my BRIDE, then you can go punch the monsters.
Managing admirers? We'll give it a try...
Begone, ghost! I'm here for the armor!
GGhost
First, you have to beat my high score in a game of drop ball.
FJFinn and Jake
Drop ball?
GGhost
Drop ball is an extremely addictive high-intensity game designed for people everywhere. Here, let me show ya.
[drops the ball under him, twists, bends down and picks it up with his butt]
GGhost
One point... two points... three points....
Jake, Jake! Check it out! This true story is going to totally cure you.
Jake
Oh my gosh! What is it?
First, the leaf fell off a tree. Oh, but — wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
Jake
Spit it out!
The snail was on the leaf! [long beat] ..The end. [Jake then starts to recoil]
Jake
Oh, no... Now I feel a thousand times worse! Finn, a story's got to have excitement, romance, [pulls his cheeks] suspe-e-e-e-ense... and it has to have a happy ending. [sniffles]
But... I don't know how to make that stuff happen.
Jake
That's okay, buddy. Just... dig me a hole, then. Actually, two holes — one for my guts and one for my face, 'cause when I die, my guts are gonna blow out of my face!!
I am not gonna let that happen, dude!
Jake
Then go get me that story. [hands him a piece of paper] And make sure it has all the stuff on this list.
I'll be back as fast as I can! [runs off] I won't let your guts blow out of your face!
SSnorlock
Talking to ladies is hard.
Jake
No, it's not! Check it out, Snorlock! Finn, you be the guy snail, and I'll be... [morphs into a female snail] the chick snail.
Jake
Come on, man, we're just pretending. Do it for love.
[Finn looks down at Snorlock whimpering and wheezing]
Okay... I'll do it for this guy. [Snorlock gasps] Ahem... What's up, lady snail?
Jake
[high-pitched voice] Well, I'm just sitting here thinking about mating with snails.
..NO!! I can't do this, man!! I am out!! [turns away from Jake]
SSnorlock
I'll mate with you!
Jake
We're just role playing, buddy.
Jake
Here, Finn. This time you be the chick and I'll be the snail dude.
[Jake morphs his chick snail physique to a more muscular build, flexing his huge pecks]
Jake
Hey, baby. What's up?
...Uh— [Jake grabs his hand] wha?!
Jake
Mm-mm! [sniffs Finn's hand] Mm-mmm! [deep voice] Girrrl, you smell gooood. Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?
[Finn looks terrified with his lips wiggling]
Jake
[morphs male to female snail back and forth] Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes!
Jake
See, Snorlock? Talking to ladies is easy. Just act like me.
Huh? [a hand removes potato bag off his head, spits out a potato] Untie me so I can beat you with that sack! [the man reveals himself; he gasps] You're that—
MMan
Yes, the charismatic stranger from last night! Also... [reveals to be three tiny people] the grandmaster of the gnomes!
GGnomes
Hup! Hup! Hup! [more gnomes circle around Finn]
GGGrandmaster Gnome
And... ruler of the Beneathaverse! [spotlight illuminates and reveals a large underground chamber with large machinery]
S'pretty nice. Hey, why don't you guys just untie me, and we can pretend this whole thing didn't happen.
GGGrandmaster Gnome
Oh, no. I've been searching all over Ooo for the ultimate power source—a living dynamo, something that... never slows down.
GGGrandmaster Gnome
And last night, I finally found—
GGGrandmaster Gnome
Yes, it's you!! You will have the great honor of powering the Upturn Overdrive!
GGGrandmaster Gnome
It will flip over the entire world!! Then we'll be the ones on top, buddy!
GGGrandmaster Gnome
Yes, but the engineering is very sound. [a group of gnomes carry up Finn]
GGGrandmaster Gnome
Your energies will be harnessed by our most advanced technology—the Cyclonic Rodentarod!
Ha! You may have captured me... Hugh! [hops over his bound wrists] —but you can't make me run! [gets shocked by a gnome with an electroprod; runs pacily] Ow!! Well... you can't make me run very fast. [gets shocked again, runs faster] Ow!! Jake's on his way to mess you guys—BWAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Jake
Fiiiinnn[pause]Fiiinnn,man where is that kid.Hold my sandwich BMO l gonna go find Finn
PGParty God
Jake... you have won my favor for being a completely off-the-hook party dog! AROWHH!!
Jake
Ha ha ha!
PGParty God
And because your gut waves please me so, I will grant you one wish. What do you want most in the world?
Jake
What do I want most? [chuckles, pauses] ..What do I want most in the world? Well... I wish Finn would stop leavin' his dirty— [gasps] FIIINN!!!! I was on his trail, and then I... got distracted!! GAAAH!! What's wrong with my brain?! Cinnamon Bun was right! I can't focus on NOTHIN'!! Party God, I wish that I could focus on finding my friend Finn!
PGParty God
[inhales sharply] Then your wish is my—
Jake
Wait!! Wait... Is there some kinda catch?
PGParty God
Uh... y-y-yes. Y-You got me. To grant your wish, I will have to fill you with the energy of a thousand partying demons. You will become so overloaded with party energy that you'll demolish everything in your path!! [blasts Jake with a beam from his mouth]
Jake
Must... find... Finn! Must... MUST... PARTY FOREVERRR!!!
Jake, what did you do to your brother?
Jake
We were just playing, and then I got outta control! I'm sorry Dad...
No son, you did good. Having no self-control makes you a tough galoot, like me!
Jake
But I don't wanna hurt nobody!
Well that's too bad kid, cos you're gonna hurt EVERYBODY.
Jake
NOOOOOOOHHHH....!!!!
"Jake! Jake, I brought someone here to see you. It's your brother! "
Jake
JERMAINE?! Are you dead??
"Naw, man! We're just dreamin' at the same time! "
Jake
Well, I'm sorry about that time I beat you up.
"Yo, that was an accident. I knew you were just horsin' off. "
Jake
But Dad, you said I'm gonna hurt everybody!
Jake
I dunno, Dad. That doesn't really help me.
"Everybody who is EVIL, Jake. Let me finish next time, hmm? Yeah? "
Crud!! I was sure we'd be safe in the Desert of Doom!
Jake
What? Whatcha saying?
THOSE are dirty tart burglars!
Jake
I think they're just dirty hobos.
No, man. They are cold-blooded tart destroyers. And we have to get them before they GET US.
Jake
Why?
They're gonna kill Princess Bubblegum by stealing our tarts!
Jake
Oh, yeah!
BButterfly
Hey!! Keep off them tarts!
BButterfly
I said back off of them tarts! Are you an imbecile!?
BButterfly
[unholsters laser gun] Right the bazoobs now!!
Jake
Finn, he's got a laser gun!
[pwoosh pwoosh! pwoosh-pwoosh-pwoosh!!]
BButterfly
Yeah! That's it, alright... Now I gotta book it to Nana's for brunch! See yous later!
Hey, witch! Does it have to be princess hair?
TWTree Witch
No, just beautiful hair.
Well then, check THIS OUT!!
[Finn pull off his white hat and shown his long blonde hair]
Jake
HAHH!!
TWTree Witch
AHH!! You'd really give me your hair?
[later]
TWTree Witch
[now with Finn's hair] So... how do I look?
Totally beautiful, inside and out.
TWTree Witch
Thank you, Finn. And now to use my hair for evil.
TWTree Witch
Cos I'm evil! [cackling] What did ya want from me!? [trips, CRUNCH!!] Oh no, I think I fractured a branch....
It's the Ice King alright, and he's looking awful pleased with himself.
Jake
Uh-oh! If the Ice King's so happy, he must've stolen a princess when we weren't looking somehow! [ear-covers his mouth] That's ninja logic!
FFlambo
A-hem. [Finn flips a charcoal briquette into his mouth]
Hmph. We gotta save that princess! [jumps onto tor]
Jake
You got it, shino-bro! Ninja kick!
Adventure Time · 447 quotes
