Jake the Dog quotes from Adventure Time

Finn

Dang, Jake... your body's getting thin!

Jake

Hey, I got a nice bod!

Finn

Yeah, but right now? Uuh, not so nice.

Jake

Okay, well, you can take your weird body issues and tuck them somewhere private, whereas I can take my healthy body issues and— (gasp!!) Fight a golem!!

Finn

Uhh... what do you think?

Jake

Eh, I don't get it. It's just a bunch of random junk.

Finn

Yeah... I'm not engaged. I need to see something that reflects life as it is, but you know, entertaining.

Jake

Yeah, like a romantic comedy!

Finn

Exactly—an action-adventure!

Jake

Wait, that's not what I said!

Finn

Let's get to filming!

Finn

Jake, let's talk about our movie.

Jake

Okay.

Finn

I think we shot a lot of great stuff.

Jake

Uh-huh.

Finn

But I'm thinkin' only half of it is usable.

Jake

Me too!

Finn

Really?

Jake

Yeah, I was just thinkin' that!

Finn

That's great!

Jake

I know!

Finn

You actually agree it's an action-adventure!

Jake

Yep, it— Wait! No!!

Finn

What?!

Jake

Romantic comedy!

Finn

WHAT!?!

Jake

Whaddaya mean "what"?!

Finn

Who's right, Beemo?!

Jake

Yeah! Me or Finn?!

Finn

We'll ask him when he wakes up.

Jake

Why wait? [writes down a piece of paper] "Dear Beemo, please use only the best footage when cutting the movie. Love, Jake."

Finn

[takes pen and paper] "And Finn."

Jake

See you at the movie club, then!

Finn

Oh, I'll be there.

Jake

As well I.

Finn

As well I as well.

Finn

Get the camera, Jake!

Jake

I can't! I'm paralyzed by the cuteness!

Beemo! Beemo! Beemo! Beemo!

[pushes Finn and Jake aside] What? What? What? What?

Beemo, get the camera!

BMO is camera.

Jake

Come on Finn lest go home my thighs hurt

Finn

Okay Im keeping the branch

[waves his sword and arms of dirt start to drag Finn and Jake]Fools you don't leave until you de

Jake

Gotta liven up this unhallowed ground.. for Finn.] Fools you do not leave until you defeated all my glayator ghost.

Finn

Marceline! What's wrong with her?!

Wizard

She accidentally cast a sleep spell on herself, and now she's trapped in eternal slumber!

Finn

Tell us how to break the spell!

Wizard

I'll transport you into Marceline's mind, where you will walk through her memories and find the memory core.

Jake

Then what?

Wizard

Find the memory of Marceline casting the sleep spell on herself. At your touch, you and the memory will be transported back to reality.

Jake

But like, if you know all this, why not just do it yourself?

Wizard

Entering a person's mind can be dangerous. And I don't have any arms. Just legs. [stretches his right leg] Ungh... Yeah, here we go... Oh... [jabs his toe at Finn's forehead]

Finn

What? [a bright white light flashes out of his forehead] What'd you do to my forehead?

Wizard

When you get close to the memory, your forehead will glow. Here, take this. It's a sack of magic powder. Sit on the couch and sprinkle the powder on your head.

Finn

Like this? [he and Jake sprinkle the powder on their heads]

Wizard

Yep. Like that. Feel sleepy?

[yawning] Mm-hm...

Wizard

Good. Sleep now. But know this!

Huh?! / Whua?!

Wizard

If you fail, Marceline will be trapped in eternal sleep... FOREVER!!! [both gasp] And everr! And everrr~!!

Finn

[sniffs] This place reeks.

Jake

Yo, man, your thing is glowing.

Finn

My what? [touches forehead] Oh, my thing.

Jake

We must be close to the core. I see another door over there. Come on.

Finn

[looks up] Wait a sec, Jake... It's that guy again.

Hey... open your eyes, look at this, Mar-Mar. Check it out. It's my new wand. These cherry blossoms... look-look as close as you can, and they're real. [Marceline puts her finger near a cherry blossom and gets zapped]

Marceline

Wow. Awesome. Where'd you get the money for that thing?

Oh, I sold that teddy bear that you love so much. [beat] To a witch.

Marceline

You... what?! Are you crazy?! That was my favorite thing in the whole world!!

That's why it's so valuable, genius. For potions? [summons a ghost from his wand]

[croons] You're not a genius... You're not a genius...

Marceline

[crying] That's the last straw, Ash! That's it! You're a psycho jerk and you ruined my life...

But... But not all of it—

Marceline

IT'S OVER, YOU PSYCHO!!!! [storms off angrily]

Finn

Ice King! How many times have we warned you about using love potion?

Ice King

That's why I'm using honey.

Jake

Man, who cares if it's honey? You stink anyways!

Finn

[laughs] Yeah. You stink so much I'monna ground you for a week.

Ice King

What? You can't do that!

Finn

You're grounded for two weeks!

Ice King

YOU'RE grounded for two weeks!

Finn

Three. Weeks.

Jake

Ohh, snaps!

Ice King

Why!? I didn't do anything..!

Finn

Four weeks...?

Ice King

Okay, mister, you are really trying my patience! How clear can I be?! All I want you to do is hit them—on the shoulder, or something. [punches Scorcher's shoulder] Are you even listening? Oh, I get it. [takes a wad of dollar bills] Here's double the grease to not kill Finn and Jake. [Scorches incinerates money] You trying to hustle me, Scorcher? Okay. I'll play this game. How about this prize piece for your pad? [turns on singing deer head on a plaque]

I wanna live, live, live I wanna live, live, live— [Scorcher burns it]

Ice King

NOOOOOO!!! Huh. Okay... How about these bad boys—night vision x-ray goggles for when you have a lady houseguest? [Scorcher burns goggles off his face] Auh!! Come on! At least renegotiate the target! You can destroy my least favorite princesses. What about Lumpy Space Princess? [Scorcher burns LSP picture] Ghost Princess? I can't even hold her with my love mitts. [Scorcher burns GP picture] Aw, geez! Uh... [Scorches blasts fire in front of his face] Oh! A-A leg cramp, in my leg! Ow, ow! O-Oh, this is so embarrassing. I'll be right back. Ow! Ow!

Ice King

[sighs] Think, baby. Come on. Ah! [pulls laptop out of his beard; starts typing "hitman hitman"] All right, let's hit the hitman, right? There's got to be a... Ah! "Blastronaut—#1 solution for all hitman problems." Sheesh! $99.95?! That's nuts! [clicks "place order"; enters target name] "Scor... cher." ["target acquired"]

Ice King

Sweet!

Ice King

No!! Come back, you wussy!! [turns to Scorcher] Ooh, that was weird. [Scorcher clenches his fiery fist] Was that your friend, or something? [chuckles nervously] Look, a supermodel! Look, a hoverboard! Look, the apocalypse! Someone got hit in the boingloings. [beat] Hit in the boingloings! ..Boingloings! Boingloings! Somebody got hit in them. [Scorcher turns left] Peace out!

Ice King

Oh! Freakin' butt! Butt, butt, butt!

Jake

Hey Finn you awake

Finn

Well not really

Jake

I had a dream about meatman last night

Finn

[appears next to him] Wow really?

Finn

Dude, I know where Lumpy Space Princess is! She's in the woods eating beans.

Jake

Mhmm! This is gonna be easy as...uhh...hmmm...

Finn

Easy as childbirth!

Jake

Yeah, okay.

Jake

Why are you doing this, Ice King?

Ice King

Why? Because I love you guys! But you don't love me, do ya?

Jake

You tried to kill us, like, four times!

Ice King

I only try to kill you 'cuz you're PRINCESS-BLOCKIN' ME ALL THE TIME!

Ice King

Well, how 'bout I make us some omelets?

Jake

...That sounds pretty good, actually.

Ice King

I'm going to put my foot in it. Eating a part of me will bring us closer together! I'll be inside of you! [laughs]

Finn

Wizard Battle is starting soon!

Jake

Rrrohh... I know! We got here 6 hours early, you dork! Just wake me up when start selling hot dogs. Whoa! Whaddaya know!?

Finn

Tree Trunks, is there anyone you can think of who might want to crunk you up?

Tree Trunks

O-oh no, Finn. I take great care to assure that-that I'm loved by even the most heinous cretins and—

Jake

Hey, guys! I found something! Look! [Finn and Tree Trunks join Jake near the hole]

Tree Trunks

Ugh!

Oh, heheh, hey, Finn! Heheh...

Finn

Oh, hey, Raggedy Princess. Have you seen anything fishy going on?

Um, no, heheh. I've been kinda down in this hole for a long time. [laughs nervously] I got knocked down here by some ne'er-do-wells. It was terrible! I was so scared.

Tree Trunks

Ne'er-do-wells?! They stole my apples! [yells] I'm gonna sass those boys up nasty!

Finn

[laughs] Awesome. Where do we find these guys?

Jake

Oh... the Candy Tavern, man. I used to hang out there back when I used to snatch old ladies' purses. [Finn "boops"] Don't worry, I stopped doing that a long time ago. I didn't know it was wrong. [Finn "pings"]

Tree Trunks

Okay, you two, let's get going.

Finn

Hazelnut! Hazelnut! What if your name was Zelnut, and then I'll be like "Hey, Zelnut!"

Jake

That's terrible!

Finn

Hey, Zelnut!

Jake

NoooOOOOHH!! Stop!