Jennifer quotes from You Can't Do That on Television

(on the phone) I'm sorry, Jennifer can't come to the telephone right now; she's tied up.

(to Jennifer) And you're going to stay tied up, young lady, until you learn to stop picking your nose!

Mom, as well as not being able to pick my nose, I won't be able to do my homework or my chores, either.

Oh. Well, then I guess I'd... Oh no you don't, young lady! I'm not falling for that! You never do any homework, and you certainly don't ever do any chores. So ha ha, one for me.

For the next five hours, we here at Educational Television are proud to present a festival featuring the Iranian String Quartet.

(to a horrified Jennifer) You won't be able to change the channel, either.

This'll teach us never to slime poor Ross again!

We will never be so horrible to Ross again!

We will never slime Mr. Ewich again!

Wait, wait, you guys what are we doing?

We must be crazy! (They all groan in pain)

I never knew I could paddle that hard. Boy, my kids are gonna hate me.

Before I sit down again, I need to cool my rear end in a bucket of water. [She gets drenched] Wrong end! [She bends over]

Which do you prefer, Christmas or birthdays?

Well, I get about the same amount of presents on Christmas and on my birthday, but the great thing about my birthday is, I don't have to buy presents for anybody else.

(filming the pots and pans on the stove, which are boiling over, with a video camera) And... Cue!

(enters the kitchen, sees the pots and pans boiling over, and shrieks) My dinner party... ruined! Jennifer, how could you?!

How could I what?

You said you would watch the pots and pans!

Well, yes, I was watching them. Better than that, I was videotaping them!

Then WHY didn't you turn them OFF?

Well, you said to watch the pots and pans. You said nothing about turning them off when they started to boil over. Say what you mean, Mom.