Will & Grace Season 5 quotes

Karen

Which lever do I pull to be crushed by a safe?

Jack

Kare, throughout all my struggles, you've constantly been partially there for me. Is there anything I can pretend to do for you now?

Karen

Now that you mention it, there is. There's one more box of my personal effects left at the manse. It's mostly personal stuff: photos, birthday cards, the receipt I got from Rosario's parents when they sold her to me. Could you...?

Jack

What are you saying? Would I like to spend a few unsupervised hours rummaging through your closet? Does a gay bear have anonymous sex in the woods?

Grace

Karen, are you all right? You haven't touched your muffin.

Karen

Honey, please, since Stan left I've done nothing but touch my muffin!

Karen

C'mon, Grace. Let's get back in there. We've got a room full of lovely ladies. Let's put some music on and get those tops off.

Grace

You know it's not that kind of girl's night, right?

Karen

[smiles] We'll see.

Will

Barry, it's okay that you didn't like The Broken Hearts Club or Kiss Me, Guido. I'll tell a little secret we like to keep in the community: Gay movies suck. But, until the laws change, we're still obligated to see them.

Grace

[Laying out dresses] This one's slitty, this one's slutty, this one's titty, this one's butty.

Karen

Hello, maintenance? This is Mrs. Walker in 1526. I'd like to put my drink on the mantle; could you send someone up to move the fireplace?

Will

[to Barry] I want us to date.

Jack

But you can't date both of us because we're best friends. I would never do anything to hurt my friend Will, who wears a wig and a truss.

Jack

I've helped a lot of people get in touch with their emotions and discover their sexuality. And by "theirs", I often mean mine.

Karen

So, Mr. Stein, now that we have Will's blessing, how would you like to come to my plush suite at the Palace Hotel?

I don't know. Now that it's not forbidden, it's just not as exciting.

Karen

Yeah, you're right. Let's go pick up another couple.

Awesome.

Grace

Just a reminder: Tomorrow is my birthday. Just another reminder: My husband left me alone to help the needy, so the presents need to be bigger and better.

Will

I got you something great. Want a hint?

Grace

No! You know I have to be surprised. Remember two years ago, how mad I got when you left my present out for me to find?

Will

Left it out? It was hidden in a storage locker in Queens, which I rented under an assumed name. You bit through a combination lock!

Grace

Well, just make sure it doesn't happen again.

Will

You can't go home, you'll ruin the surprise. Look, you can crash in my bedroom tonight, and tomorrow you can help me with the party. How are you with a pastry bag and Rosette tips?

Leo

I've never tried them, but why don't we hold each other for awhile, and see how we feel after that?

Karen

[knocks on the washing machine door glass] Where are the fish?

Jack

No, Karen. It is a laundromat. People come here to clean their clothes. Then they reuse them.

Karen

Why, poor people are just plain clever. I wonder, why they can't figure out a way to make more money?

So I had this apartment to myself for 10 years because I was having an affair with my boss and he paid half the rent so he'd have some place nice to do it. But then he got murdered and I couldn't really afford it on my own. So what's your story?

Karen

Since my marriage ended I've been living at The Palace, and even though I've made a lot of swell friends... it's lonely. [she tries to pour a soda into a glass without opening it] I want a real home, with real people. I mean you're real, right?

[opens and pours the soda as Karen looks in awe] Super real. So, okay, true or false? I'm easy to live with.

Karen

Um, true.

False! I'm a nitpicker supreme. I think it comes from all my years as a professional in the music biz.

Karen

You're in music?

I didn't want to put it on the ad because you get all these wannabees knocking on the door. I'm an office manager for the company that does those collections that you see on TV. You know "Hits of the 80's", "Ladies of the 80's", "Rock Ballad's of the 80's"... [pause] "The 90's"...

Karen

Well I can see why you'd want to keep that a secret Liz. I mean you must really never know if people are liking you for you or the 80's hits.

You should know that I like things done a certain way; just ask Melissa and Keith. They work under me. Like if they're 5 minutes late for work, I look at my watch, I look at them and they just get it. Oh my God I totally just bragged. Please tell me to shut up... cut to me still talking about myself.

Karen

Um, Liz, I know we haven't known each other very long but I think that you might be just about the most interesting person I've ever met... I could learn tons from you.

Okay, okay, true or false... I think you're great?

Karen

Um, false.

True!

Karen

Oh, this game is so hard!

Karen

I'll get a new lawyer. A better lawyer. A gayer lawyer!

Will

Well, good luck finding that.