And this is Patty Larceny, Carmen Sandiego's sweet and sneaky schoolgirl.
Her last known whereabouts: Chicago, Illinois. You might think American theater starts and ends at Broadway, but there are professional theaters all over the country. Chicago's Goodman Theater is one of the best. That's why actors like Brian Dennehy and Kathleen Turner perform there alongside the Goodman's resident company. The Goodman has presented live drama, comedy, and musicals since 1925. Or it did until today when Patty Larceny showed up armed with an autographed book and a bouquet. She took center stage and rocked the place to tears, then she mopped it off and vanished into thin air. Gumshoes, you've got to close this case...
...BADWOMAN STEALS GOODMAN!
Come on, you guys! Come on! The Eggman!
CCarmen
Come on. Answer. ACME's closing in!
(on answering machine) Hi. This is Patty. I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and if I can fit you into my busy schedule, I'll get back to you. (machine beeps)
CCarmen
Guess who, twinkletoes? If you don't scram, I'll be leaving messages with your warden. Take the theatre to a capital on the Danube River. The nightlife there has been buzzing since the fall of Communism. Restaurants, cafes, and theatres are all crowded with people. There's even a Pah shopping street nicknamed the Fifth Avenue of eastern Europe. And one more thing, I really hate answering machines. (machine beeps and Carmen hangs up the phone)
(the Chief sings "The Wheels on the Bus" as she, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Wuhan, China)
And the wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round. Round and round. Around--
Chief. Chief. Chief, I've always hated that song.
(each time the Goodman Theatre is revealed)
Thievin' theatre!
Pilfered persinium!
Another openin'! (a la Ethel Merman)
Stage handled!
And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's spaced out space fund.
Her last known whereabouts: Borneo, the world's third largest island. All societies have their own art forms and Borneo's Kayan, Kenyah, and Iban peoples are no exception. They practice the art of tattooing for generations. That's right, tattoos are not something your older sister thought up to scare your mom. They date back thousands of years to hundreds of different cultures. Not all of Borneo's people wear tattoos, but those who do take pride in their skin art. Or they did until today when Kneemoi skinned the tattoos away without a trace. She thinks they'd make great road maps on her home planet Roddenberry. Gumshoes, you've got to nail Kneemoi, catch Carmen, and stop...
CCarmen
Kneemoi, take the tattoos to another rainforest in an African country on the equator. Many people there believe in magic.
Ah, yes. Even we aliens admired his basketball prowess.
CCarmen
Not Magic Johnson. Magic. You know, people turning into animals, that sort of thing. Lots of citizens follow a religion called Bwiti. It combines some Catholic rituals brought by French settlers with the magical belief of the original people.
CCarmen
Go to Libreville on the Atlantic coast until the pressure's off.
Okay, boss. Remember, keep your sleeves bon shiny.
(as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to the Mississippi River) Okay, guys, uh, remember, it's time for us now to go the Mississippi River. We're gonna try to find Kneemoi and the tattoos. You guys all ready to go?
Uh, Greg? I got some information for us.
Time for us to get a move on!
Okay. We're goin' (shakes the screen as he holds it upside-down) Something is definitely the matter with this. Okay.
EErin
Want me to take your hat?
If you would take the hat please, and if you go out this way. I'll be-- You guys have a shoetree 'cause I forgot to pack mine. I wanna just make sure. I could borrow yours then? Great. (while traveling) Carmen can't outrun us while we're in this, Chief.
Yeah, but she'll probably see us coming.
Oh, another planet, another prison cell. Maybe I could spend my sentence getting to know Carmen better. Look for her in Europe.
And this is Wonder Rat, that self-glorifying snout-faced nibbler who works for Camren Sandiego.
His last known whereabouts: the Australian Airwaves. Times are tough for Australian television. Recently, all three of the country's commercial TV networks declared bankruptcy, but one network is doing well: ABC, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. It's a government funded public network. Once regarded as a stodgy producer of science and news programs, ABC has become a crowd-pleaser. Or it had until today when Wonder Rat, with the help of his hired hopping hooligans, purloined the programming from ABC. While his ruse reconnoitered, the rat remained. Gumshoes, you got to catch Carmen, rope the rat, and solve today's case...
WRWilliam Ragsdale
(hears the sound of a stampede) Remember the ACME Triangle of Excellence, Gumshoes: (forms the Triangle with his hands) Vigilance, Dedication, Courage!
Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled.
Chief, what are you doin'? You are completely off. That is not the right thing. It's not time for that!
Well-- Well, you're right Greg. I was just going by this schedule.
Well, then, your schedule is wrong, Chief. I'm sorry. (lightning flashes a second time) Excuse me! We-- We already had the Lightning Round! Listen, guys. We're havin' some kinda scheduling problem. I'm sorry. Lemme go try to work this out. I'll be right back.
(the rest of the office sketch is the same as in "Unfair Exchange")
CCarmen
I think ACME's ready to spring a trap on you.
Geez, I'd better stop... (sniffs) ...sniffin' around here, then.
CCarmen
Take the network to a Spanish town on the Mediterranean Sea. It's where artist Pablo Picasso was born. You can hole up in the Gibralfaro, an ancient Moorish castle.
Gee, that's great! A TV network, a castle? Hoo-hoo! I'm travelin' in style! I wanna be as famous as Michael Jackson. Hee.
CCarmen
You're gonna be as busted as Michael Milton if you don't move your tail.
There's mustard on your sleeve.
No kidding. (rubs his sleeve) Oh, gee. Sorry about that. I'll take care of that later on. Okay, thanks, Chief.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Indianapolis, Indiana)
Greg, didn't I tell you to get this road flattened?
Sorry, Chief. I've been busy trainin' Gumshoes.
(before the Jailtime Challenge) You guys were tied at the end of the last round. We flipped a coin. Antonio, you won that toin coss. Toin coss? That cossed toin. You won. (laughter) You're gonna go first. Go ahead.
(each time Shoeprints are revealed) Near Scott's house!
1 mile from Scott's house!
(on his own) 1 mile from my house!
(each time the Australian Broadcasting Corporation is revealed)
Netted network!
Pilfered primetime!
Aussie lossie!
Plunder down under!
No show!
Don't touch that dial!
Go, Antonio!
(when Antonio wins the 2nd round) Wonder Rat! TOUCHÉ!
And this is Robocrook, Carmen Sandiego's silvery cylinder of slyness.
His last known whereabouts: Kazakhstan. The Baikonur Cosmodrome is the huge complex where Soviet rockets were built and launched. Yuri Gagarin, the first man in space, blasted off from Baikonur in 1961. Over time, the cosmodrome sent up over 800 rockets. The countries of the former U.S.S.R. want to continue their space program, but they're searching for a partner to share the program's expense. That search was interrupted today when Robocrook boosted Baikonur and blasted off. Gumshoes, you got to capture Carmen, recoup the cosmodrome, and derail that...
...RUDE ROBOT'S RECKLESS, RIDICULOUS ROCKET RIPOFF!
(about the Clue-Fish) I gotta get rid of the fish here. (to the audience) You guys want me to... You want me to save it, or d'you want me to fry it?
AAudience
(chant) FRY IT! FRY IT! FRY IT! FRY IT!
Oh, no-no-no, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Hey! Hey! Hey! He's my buddy! I'm gonna save him! C'mon! (he throws the fish into the water) Sorry about that, audience!
CCarmen
Go to an ocean community off Africa's northwest coast. It's made up of 13 islands.
Which one is my destination?
CCarmen
Try Gomera. The locals sometimes speak a whistle language called Silbo. You know how to speak Silbo, don't you?
Sure. Just put your lips together, and blow.
CCarmen
Gomera was the last place Columbus visited before leaving for the New World. Legend says he was delayed because he fell in love.
You humans are hopelessly romantic.
CCarmen
At least we don't rust when it rains.
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Brasília, Brazil)
Boy, this is the way to travel, eh, Greg?
You said, Chief. Hey, pass the complimentary mixed nuts, huh?
And this is Eartha Brute, that brainless bruiser from Carmen's barge full of burglars.
(singing) Eartha Brute, huh
Her last known whereabouts: Copenhagen, Denmark. Ah, Copenhagen's Tivoli Park at night, oh, the lights thousands in every color, and the music, there's a classical concert hall, a downstairs jazz club, an oriental theater, and the food, more than 25 restaurants serving everything from traditional Danish cuisine to quick snacks. I love the place, and I am livid because today, Eartha Brute, cruising through Copenhagen, trucked into Tivoli. The brass bands, bumper cars, and bright lights all beckoned to her so she burgled the whole batch. Gumshoes, you've got to relieve this...
CCarmen
Eartha, those ACME agents are closing in. Head for a historical city in Japan.
(gasps) A hysterical city, Carmen?! Why are they so upset?
CCarmen
I said historical city, Eartha! No one's upset! There are hundreds of shrines there and millions of Japanese tourists visit every year.
Jeez, they come all the way from Japan? That place must be really special.
CCarmen
Earth to Eartha! This place is in Japan! Now, just get going to Honshū Island.
Carmen, have you been under a lot of stress lately?
(at the end of the 1st round) Uh, big problems here, Greg. Uh, we're out of ACME Travel Kits.
Well, Chief, isn't there anything you can do? Huh?
But what about the hologram? You could use the hologram!
(gasps) That's a great idea!
(as the Chief, Greg, and the gumshoes travel to Havana, Cuba)
(coughs) Aren't we a little conspicuous driving these?
Ah, Chief, she'll never see us comin'.
(coughs) Yeah, but she'll see the dust a mile away.
(as the gumshoes have been struggling to find The Warrant in the 2nd round)
Oh! (crowd screams) You have the Loot! You have the Warrant! Do you remember where Eartha is?!
CCollin
The Ice Cream Parlor.
(to the board) Is she still at Coppelia Ice Cream Parlor?!
(Eartha is revealed)
(singing) Eartha Brute! HUH! BABALOO!!!
And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's polymorphous pilferer from the planet Roddenberry.
Her last known whereabouts: Mongolia and China. You want to know about dry, I'll tell you about dry. The Gobi is the world's largest desert, that's dry. It's in the center of Asia, so it's extra far from ocean waters and the mountain ranges surrounding the Gobi keep moist air from getting in, now we're talking dry here. The thin grasslands, on the outskirts of the desert called steps, only get about 10 inches of rain a year. Now how's that for dry? Well, today, Kneemoi sucked up every last grain of the Gobi. She had a light dinner today, so she decided to follow it with a big desert. Gumshoes, you've got to crack today's case...
...GOBI GO BYE BYE or the DESERT DESERTION!
CCarmen
ACME's eyeing your location.
That's okay! I have more eyes than they have!
CCarmen
You'd better move anyway. Go to the United States. Take the desert to a landlocked state where the Red River forms its southern border. This state has the largest Native American population in the USA. Hide the Gobi in the Arbuckle mountains.
Hide the Gobi? (chuckles) I haven't played that since high school!
And this is Kneemoi, Carmen Sandiego's evil extraterrestrial associate.
Her last known whereabouts: Chicago, Illinois. Chicago style blues was popularized by performers like Muddy Waters, Howlin' Wolf, and Willie Dixon, most of whom were former southerners. Blues music began in the south when African-American musician forged the styles from the spirituals, work songs, and ballads of the 19th century. Today in Chicago, you can still hear great blues musicians crank out the tunes. Stars like Buddy Guy, Koko Taylor, and Sunnyland Slim. Or you could until today when Kneemoi hit the Southside to take in some tunes. When Kneemoi gets into the music, she really gets into the music. She liked it so much she took it with her when she left. Gumshoes, you've got to stop the sad sound of...
...THE LOSIN' THE BLUES BLUES!
Carmen, The blues are so depressing. Why don't people sing the "pinks" instead?
CCarmen
Why don't you move instead of talking? Head for Haifa in a middle east nation where many soviet Jews have relocated.
Ah, like me! I relocated into Earth run, run and barring.
CCarmen
There's a big difference. The Jewish people move to seek a better life through religious freedom and honest work.
And I move to seek easy life through burglary and bleeding the bugology blues.
He's wanted for robbery and assault with a deadly fabric. His last known whereabouts: London, England. Ravens, they're big, they're black, they're related to crows, and they're on the payroll at the Tower of London. No one's sure when ravens started living at the tower, but legend says the British Empire will collapse if the birds ever leave. So eight ravens are kept as full-time residents. Their wings are clipped so they can't fly away and the birds are cared for by the Royal Ravenmaster. He gets the ravens official food allowance of 15p a week, about 22¢ in U.S. currency. Or he did until today when Vic the Slick slithered in, tiptoeing through the tower ground. He raced to where the ravens roost, then baited the birds with prime slime steak. Vic used T-bones, of course, and that T can only stand for thief. Well, before you could say nevermore, those ravenous ravens have flown the coop with Vic. Now, gumshoes, it's up to you to stop this terrible...
CCarmen
The heat's on, Vic. Whisk those ravens to a peninsula on the Red Sea.
I gotta leave now? But I'm getting my mustache sharpened tomorrow.
CCarmen
No time for that. Now, listen. There's a 1,400-year-old monastery on this peninsula, and its library used to have one of the world's oldest bibles.
Used to? What, somebody put it back on the wrong shelf?
CCarmen
In the mid-1800s, someone borrowed the Bible and never returned it.
Wow. Let's see...[mutters to himself while doing some calculations] ...10¢ a day, 52,500 a day [amazed] Ooh, no wonder it wasn't returned! The overdue fine's a fortune!
An uppity upper-crust up to no gooder who uproots loot for Carmen Sandiego. Her last known whereabouts: Manaus, Brazil. The mysterious part of the Amazon rainforest, home to strange plants, unusual animals, and a turn of the century opera house. Built when Manaus was a rich center of the booming rubber trade, the Teatro Amazonas once attracted opera lovers from around the world. But when the boom times left Manaus, so did opera. The theater was almost silent from 1907 until 1990. That's when an ambitious renovation ended which restored Teatro Amazonas to its past glory. But today, the fat lady stopped singing again. The Contessa, that swanky silent of sneak, swept in, set her sights, and then swooped down. A smoky cloud provided a shroud while she tied up the Teatro. Now she's hidden it in a secret location where she listens to her very own opera, "The Contessa Cantata." Gumshoes, I'm declaring today's case...
CCarmen
Contessa, go to a mountainous country on the Adriatic Sea. Until recently, brutal dictators kept it one of the most isolated nations on earth.
Carmen, darling I can get isolation in prison! Don't you have a more inspired chore?
CCarmen
You want inspiration? Then, learn about Besa. When people in this country give their word, their Besa, they do almost anything not to break it.
Oh, honesty is so boring. Surely there is something for me to do.
CCarmen
Well, the country does have some of the world's largest Chromite deposits. You can kill time checking out your reflection.
(at the end of the 1st round) And our ACME Voice Identification Badge and Leave A Message Wallet. (opens it up, revealing an image of the Contessa) It's our secret weapon in a fight against Carmen and her gang, right? (presses a button)
(on recorder) Right. Well, sorta.
Sorta-- Sorta?! Oh, I'm not paying you to say sorta! Greg!
(as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Honshu Island, Japan) Work. Okay, guys, time for us to go off--
Greg, would you please take that jacket to the cleaners?! That ketchup stain's been on there since last season.
She does have a point. You guys ready to go? We're goin' to Sado. Come on. Grab the hat. Out the door. Somebody grab me! I got the Chief! We're goin' to Sado.
(while traveling) Well, Chief, I did it. I rounded up a posse.
Next time, Greg, uh, let's try it with live horses.
Prison life is so uncivilized! 600 cells and not a room service menu in sight! Tell Carmen this is more than I can bear. She went to North America.
He's synthetic. He's magnetic. But most of all, he's pathetic. His last known whereabouts: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Greater Pittsburgh's Kennywood Amusement Park has been called the roller coaster capital of the world. If you want a fast reason why, check out the Steel Phantom. In 1991, the Steel Phantom opened at the world's biggest and fastest roller coaster. It hits speed at 80 miles an hour and plunges over 200 feet off a cliff, guaranteed to make you scream your lungs out. Using computers and the latest poster technology, the Steel Phantom includes a vertical loop, a boomerang configuration, and a partial corkscrew, guaranteed to make me lose my lunch. But if you really wanna get queasy, check out what happened today. Robocreep coasted into Kennywood, then rocked the rails, and zapped the tracks from under the Phantom. After finishing the filch with his magnetic amusement moocher, that tinhead reopened the ride at his Robocoaster theme park. Gumshoes, find that phantom and solve today's case...
...STEEL FELON STEALS STEEL PHANTOM!
(after the office segment) You know, I gotta tell you, it's kinda embarassing having two grown people actin' like that about a silly little dog movie. (laughs) ("Frou-Frou" starts barking) (runs back to the office) FROU-FROU!!! FROU-FROU!!!
CCarmen
Get that coaster rolling to the capital of Morocco. Look for Couscous and Harira.
Those words are not in my database.
CCarmen
They're Arabic words from Morocco's spicy soups and stews. People there also eat Pigeon Pie and salads with liver and lamb brains.
Those foods are not in my database.
CCarmen
Robo, not everyone thinks gear oil is fine dining. People have different tastes. Some Moroccans have different table manners, too. They think metal utensils taste bad and carry germs, so they eat with their fingers, instead.
Carmen, what will I do? My fingers are metal utensils.
(as he, the Chief, and the gumshoes prepare for departure to Kathmandu Valley, Nepal) Thank you, Buddy. Okay, guys, time for us to go to Kathmandu Valley--
Oh, Greg, watch out! You're wiping your jacket on my nose!
I'm sorry! Gee whiz. Okay, guys, ready to go? You got the hat. You got the door. I got the Chief. We are on our way to Kathmandu.
(while traveling) Greg, if we could ski on this, we can ski on anything.
Good thing, Chief. The hot lava fields are just ahead.
RoboCrook Unit-059 calling. According to my default program, when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds, I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in South America.
She's robbed 52 planets in 12 dimensions, but is so darn cute it's beyond comprehension. Her last known whereabouts: China. On any given morning in China, you'll see people in gardens, parks, and on rooftops performing a series of curious looking stretches. These exercises called Tai Chi Chuan are a workout for both the mind and body. Tai Chi movements with unusual names like storks, spreads, wings, and bend bow, and shoot tiger require a good deal of strength and great concentration. The Chinese consider Tai Chi a kind of medicine and believe it helps prevent or cure illness. At least they believed it until today...
...when Kneemoi made a surprise visit to China. She saw all that balance and discipline and decided she wanted some too. Using the Roddenberrian mind meld which kind of tickles, she burgled everyones brain and removed all knowledge of Tai Chi from their heads. Now, no one's got the moves but Kneemoi. Gumshoes, you've got to unravel the riddle of today's case...
(singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo
CCarmen
I want you to do some time traveling, Kneemoi.
Ooh, you mean like going back to the future?
CCarmen
No, like going across time zones. North America is divided into 10 of them and each zone usually means a one hour difference in time. Hide in Alberta province where it's one hour earlier than in a central time zone.
You earthlings are too hung up on time. When you're talking light-years, an hour doesn't make any difference.
CCarmen
Well, no one cared much how time was measured until the railroads came along. Then time had to be standardized so trains could keep to a schedule.
Now, that gives me a fun idea. Why don't I steal the time zone? (laughs)
(Each time the Tai Chi Chuan is revealed in the 2nd Round):
Meditation mishap!
Holistic heist!
Chi chi chi bang bang!
Prison sports are really fun! I get used as a Frisbee, a dartboard, and a second base! Carmen should see me play. But she's in South America. Go find her.
Rockapella (singing): Robocrook
Has no grace. He's a lummox built with two cast-iron stomachs. His last known whereabouts: cyberspace. Cyberspace is the place where people communicate over computer networks and the mother of all networks is called the Internet. The Internet links thousands of smaller networks and millions of computer users in dozen of countries. People go online for everything from doing research to sending electronic mail to just plain chatting. You can even tour the White House on the Internet, all from your home computer. The possibilities are literally endless. Or they were until today...
Rockapella (singing): Oh, no!
...when Robocrook took a peek at an unsuspecting geek and got an idea for a heinous high-tech heist. He blasted into orbit, plugged into a satellite, then intercepted the entire Internet. The world's wireheads wigged when their monitors frazzed, and now every bit and byte are in that two-bit burglar's brain. Gumshoes, it's up to you to solve today's system glitch...
Rockapella (singing): Woo-woo-ooo-oo
...TAKE A BYTE OUT OF CRIME!
CCarmen
Robo, lay low on an island that borders the Coral Sea. Whatever you do, don't pet the birds.
How can I get in touch with my warm human side if you keep me away from coddling critters?
CCarmen
You wouldn't want to get in touch with some pitohuis. It's the world's first known poisonous bird. Contact with it's feathers or skin causes a numbing sensation.
Like watching reruns of Star Trek?
CCarmen
More like getting pins and needles. Scientists thought the pitohui's bright feathers were meant to attract mates, but now believe they maybe a warning against the poison.
Which reminds me, Carmen. It's time to change my anti-freeze.
Old Cowtown Museum. (Shoeprints are revealed)
Eisenhower Library. (Shoeprints are revealed)
(as Robo is first revealed) (imitates a buzzer sound) Robocrook! Robocrook! Robo--
(crowd gasps)
I'm sorry, that's-- (laughs) Surprised Rockapella on that one.
(a puppet appears with the phone) Oh, hey, look at that! A puppet! (the puppet nods its head, gives Greg the phone, and leaves) Thank you, Mr. Puppet. Hey! Hello? Yeah, she's right here. Hold on a second. We just got this phone from the puppet. (hands Lauren the phone) There ya go.
A virus has infected my system's software. It causes me to divulge Carmen's location. You'll find her in North America. Please! Don't say that I sent you.
Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego? · 274 quotes