Heylia quotes from Weeds

Heylia

We should start that in this neighborhood. Call it the "I'm getting' skinny ‘cause some nigger stole my food" diet.

Heylia

That's it. Range Rover for stoney clover.

Heylia

Now, I know you got troubles, but like my momma always said, "Tough shit."

Heylia

Oh hell no, you don't put weed in my cornbread!

Heylia

Oou, listen to Betty Cracker.

Heylia

Shit, white folks get soda pop, niggas get bullets.

Heylia

Oh, you poor schmuck, you just played wrong (lays down a domino). That's a boat!

Nancy

Wait, a boat is when the four ends add up to 20?

Heylia

A boat is when I spank this boy's black ass for thinking he all that with his three switchin' bitches.

Nancy

Three switchin' bitches?

Conrad

It's 15. And a boat is 20. Stop fuckin' with her, she's just tryin' to learn the game.

Nancy

What do you do if somebody actually calls to get his house cleaned?

Heylia

Then I refer ‘em to my cousin Zondra, who cleans for real. She don't make shit, but Zondra found the Lord so she don't care.

Vaneeta

How much you think we get for that? (referring to Nancy's wedding bang and ring)

Heylia

Nothin'. She'll be back.

Heylia

Hey! Hey! Stop all that damn arguing, this is a house of peace. (Interrupted by gun shots and bullets) Everybody all right?

Vaneeta

Yeah

Conrad

Cool. Snowflake? Snowflake?

Vaneeta

She's in shock, slap her.

Conrad

I ain't slappin' no white woman.

Heylia

Move, I'll do it.

Nancy

No, I'm okay (in a very shaky voice)

Heylia

You sure?

Nancy

Yeah (sniff).

Heylia

all right, let's clean this shit up.

Nancy

(Giggling a little) Is somebody gonna call the police?

Heylia

Baby, that probably was the police.

Nancy

I'm gonna go. Wait, I need my keys.

Conrad

We got unsettled business, you haven't even talked to me about my car yet. How you gonna get your keys now?

Heylia

Boy! The girl just had her shootin' cherry broke, give her the keys.