EMrs. Elderman
(On the News) I haven't seen Chester, oh that's my cat, in 2 days. Umm, I dunno though, would a big cat eat a smaller cat? I mean, isn't that cat cannibalism?
“Good Shit Lollipop” · Season 1, Episode 3
In this episode: Nancy Botwin (7), Celia Hodes (5), Doug Wilson (5), Shane Botwin (3), Silas Botwin (1), Heylia (1), Dean (1), Lupita (1)
(On phone) Hey listen, I've got somebody here, we'll finish this up at the next counsel meeting. Your turn to bring the vodka. Okay, you too. Yes, yes, I fucked your wife. Yes, I fucked your mother. Okay, bye.
Oh, it's a weed wonderland, Nancy. It's like Amsterdam, only better, because you don't have to visit the Anne Frank house and pretend to be all sad and stuff.
See this Lollipop
It isn't...?
Yes, I'm getting high right now and you can't even tell.
CXCraig X
(at the Bodhi Sativa Caregivers Club) The first thing you wanna do when you come to the club is check out the big board. On the big board we have all the prices and strains and they do change daily. (To another customer) Hey, Billy, how's the arthritis? All right, cool. (Back to Nancy) What was I saying?
Hey, anymore Stephen Hawking? I wanna be wheeled out of here.
Here, kitty, kitty.
I hope our children survive you.
(Walking into Nancy's House) You really should lock your front door.
I do lock it. But Lupita leaves it open so she doesn't have to dig for her keys. Drives me insane.
Their subtle revenge for having to clean our toilets.
I still say, we got the better end of that deal.
(Reading flyer) What to do if you meet a mountain lion. Give the mountain lion some room. Don't make eye contact. Talk to the lion softly. Are you sure this isn't what to do if you want to date a mountain lion? Well, I have a lot to do, Celia, so...
Have you ever had sex with a woman?
Excuse me?
I think I'd like to try it.
With who?
Anyone. I don't care. I'm sick of men. Maybe I missed my calling. I mean, what if I was supposed to be a dyke, but just made a wrong turn by mistake. It would explain a hell of a lot. Here's the thing, I really wanna fuck around on Dean, but the thought of having to put one more cock in my mouth is just too depressing.
I'm not sure a vagina would be any kind of improvement for you.
Maybe you're right. The truth is, pussy really skeeves me out. That whole mirror investigation thing we did when we were young, truly a rude awakening.
You know, I read somewhere that killing small animals is the first sign of psychotic behavior. You should really tell the parents, they can rush that little sociopath into therapy before he starts tooling around Agrestic in a white van with blacked out windows.
Have you ever had sex with a woman?
None of your business
Oh come on, tell me
Okay, I slept with a woman in college
How was it?
Boring.
Well, maybe you didn't do it right.
She said I was the best she'd ever had.
What are you doing Friday night?
I'm in a databank?.... I'm in a databank?.... I'm in a databank?
(Spray painted on the wall) I'm sorry. P.S. My maid thinks I fucked a smurf.
Doesn't smell like sage.
Obviously menopause has affected your sense of smell.
I don't smell with my coochie.
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