Lenny Botwin quotes from Weeds

Lenny

Excuse me. who the hell are you, bursting in here like this and telling me how to take care of Grandma? With Not-Francie, no less.

Shane

Who?

Lenny

It's your mother. Never mind.

Shane

Her name is Nancy.

Andy

He knows that. He just won't say it.

Silas

Who's Francie?

Lenny

That's the woman your father should've married.

Andy

Why are you always such a prick to me?

Lenny

I'm just not sure you're mine, so I keep an emotional distance.

Andy

If only that were true and I wasn't looking at the Ghost of Hanukkah Future, fighting the urge to throw myself off a cliff.

Lenny Botwin

[complaining to his grandchildren about how Andy was as a child] I asked that prick over there to pedal his little bicycle, which I bought him, up to Del Mar and throw down $100 on a sure thing.

Andy Botwin

Father of the year.

Lenny Botwin

What the fuck does he do? He pockets it. Goes out and buys himself some Star Trek piece of shit.

Andy Botwin

It was Boba Fett.

Lenny Botwin

I don't even know what that means!

Doug Wilson

What happened to all the cheese?

Lenny Botwin

Is that her pimp?

Shane Botwin

My mom is not a prostitute!

Lenny Botwin

Well she's definitely a criminal of some kind. Did she rob a bank?

Shane Botwin

No!

Lenny Botwin

A Costco?

Shane Botwin

No!

Lenny Botwin

Is she a coke dealer?

Shane Botwin

Um...no.

Doug Wilson

What happened to all the cheese?

Lenny Botwin

Weed!Your mothers a weed dealer!!

Shane Botwin

Give me back her money.