Veronica Mars quotes from Veronica Mars

Veronica

(to Dick) It's like you're this giant jackass piñata begging for someone to beat the candy out of you.

Veronica

There it is: that vintage Logan Echolls jealousy. Oh, I'm gonna main-line it.

Wallace

Another big Friday night. You got plans?

Veronica

I don't know. I might take Backup for a run or rent a movie, maybe.

Wallace

Hey, congratulations. You are officially Neptune High's most boring person.

Veronica

Did I mention the movie might be PG-13?

Wallace

Oh, jump back, wild child!

Veronica

What about you, Wallace? Your life still a non-stop Nelly video?

Wallace

Hey, at least I want my life to be a non-stop Nelly video.

Veronica

I gotta run. The counselor wants to see me before class.

Keith

About what?

Veronica

Uh, my schedule and my attitude, not necessarily in that order. Her words.

Can I help you with something?

Veronica

Uh, yeah. The counselor stuck me in here. [Ms. Dent walks over to take informational papers from her] She says I'm disconnected and passionless.

Ms. Dent?

Caitlin?

I'm gonna go down to the gym to talk to people for the student poll.

Be back by the end of the period. And remember that we're a multicultural school with a diverse population of students from a wide range of socio-economic backgrounds.

Meaning?

Meaning don't just interview your friends.

Veronica

I printed out the entire browser history from Logan Echolls's computer in his fourth period computer lab class.

Wallace

So is he guilty?

Veronica

Well, of wanting desperately to see pictures of Alyssa Milano naked, yes.

Troy

Flat?

Veronica

Just as God made me.

Troy

Are you always this persnickety?

Veronica

Sometimes I'm even persnicketier.

Troy

Guess what I'm doing this weekend.

Veronica

I'm guessing it involves autoeroticism.

Keith

Have you been playing nice with the other children?

Veronica

You know Dad, I'm old school, an eye for an eye.

Keith

I think that's actually Old Testament.

Wallace

Hi, sir. Wallace Fennel.

Veronica

[proudly] Wallace is a friend of mine. [Veronica performs a martial arts gesture with her hands.] Take that, high school guidance counselor.

Wallace

You called your geometry teacher a jackass?

Veronica

That's totally taken out of context. Let me see it.

Troy

Let me see your phone.

Veronica

What are you doing?

Troy

It is now booty-call enabled.

Keith

It's just that I never want you to think your mom's the villain in all this.

Veronica

Isn't she?

Keith

No, it's not that simple.

Veronica

Yeah, it is. The hero is the one that stays and the villain is the one that splits.

Keith

I don't think that's a healthy perspective.

Veronica

It's healthier than me pining away everyday, praying she'll come home.

Veronica

So, what did you think of him?

Keith

Oh, hey, you're home early.

Veronica

Oh, hey, did you run his license plate or did you get fingerprints?

Keith

I'm sorry, honey, what?

Veronica

You know you're not fooling me.

Keith

Okay. Veronica, I have no idea what you're talking about. [Veronica scoffs and starts to go to her room] Oh, hey, I forgot to tell you. If he's gonna be kissing my daughter on my porch for eight-and-a-half minutes, I'll need to meet him. Sweet dreams, honey.

Veronica

Is that really necessary?

Keith

He's taking up a lot of daddy/daughter time.

Wallace

"Papa Bear"?

Veronica

Never happened.