Veronica Mars quotes from Veronica Mars

Mac

Veronica?

Veronica

I'm fine.

Mac

I know. We know. But it's okay if you're not.

Veronica

I'm fine. Seriously. I just told the two of you because I thought you should know. I'm not looking for a pity party.

Wallace

That's good, 'cause I always get stuck blowing up the pity balloons.

Veronica

Howdy, boys. Anyone up for going to a Pi Sig blowout? [Wallace and Piz look unimpressed] Beer and ladies and music...and other stuff guys like, I'm sure? Fast cars, loose slots, electronic gadgetry? Televised sports? Pornography? Nothing? None of this grabs you?

Piz

We were already planning on going.

Wallace

I think everybody at Hearst is gonna be there.

Veronica

Awesome. Then you can help me out.

Wallace

Suddenly, it sounds like a lot less fun.

Mac

Are you freaking kidding me? The Pi Sig mega apocalypse? Hump the furniture, party back to the stone age, fifty keg bacchanalia?

Veronica

Sounds like fun, right?

Mac

Will they let me in? I think all the glitter has come off my porn star tube top.

Veronica

Please, Mac.

Mac

...Resistance is futile.

Veronica

Monkey?

Mac

As in "touch my".

Veronica

Like why bother with something that's not good, cause if it's not good -

Piz

It's bad. Exactly. But these guys were like, 'as long as she's got a pair of-' [makes a motion for breasts and Veronica gives him a look] You know, it was indelicate.

Veronica

What's indelicate about shoes?

Piz

[laughs] But I figure, you know I know what I like. Why waste my time?

Veronica

Like why bother with something that's not good, just because it's something?

Piz

Especially when you know the difference. Which not many people do. I mean, do you?

Veronica

I - I think I do.

Piz

You see I think it's like 90% of life, just knowing the difference.

Veronica

Brian and Fred, as demented as this sounds, thought you'd have more confidence with girls if you... lost your virginity.

Max

I'm gonna go kill my friends now, so, if you could just leave me a bill.

Max

Can you still find her?

Veronica

Um... yes. But she'll still be a prostitute.

Max

I'm not stupid, Veronica, okay? We had something, I know it. There are some things you can't fake.

Veronica

And there are some things women are universally known for faking, and this girl is a professional.

Max

When I dropped her off at the airport, she had tears in her eyes.

Veronica

Are you sure she wasn't thinking of the cab fare back?

Veronica

I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really... intimate.

Logan

That's what the female praying mantis says before she bites the male's head off.

Logan

Jeans, bold choice. Hope the maitre'd is fashion forward.

Veronica

Did you and Madison have sex over winter break?

Veronica

I asked you point blank--

Logan

And I lied. Point blank. It wasn't information that you had a right to know. I knew you wouldn't be able to deal with the Madison thing.

Veronica

Which 'thing' are you talking about? The 'she roofied me thing' or the thing 'when I stumbled to my car in the morning wondering where my virginity was and she had written slut on my windshield'? Was that what you thought I couldn't deal with? I am so genuinely sick right now. If I could've eaten anything today I'd be throwing up all over your floor.

Logan

We were broken up at the time.

Veronica

You know how I feel about her! There is no way that at some point while it was happening you weren't thinking about how much I'd hate you being with her.

Logan

It wasn't like that.

Veronica

No? Do you want another variation cause I have a million sickening scenarios running on a loop right now.

Logan

I wasn't trying to hurt you.

Veronica

Oh no. Really? Imagine if you tried.

Logan

What do you want me to do? What can I do?

Veronica

Make it not true. Get it out of my head and never let me think about it again. Cause unless you can do that, this is something I'm never getting past.

Veronica

I can't believe these people. They sit up in a building with their telephoto lens and take pictures of people in their most private, personal moments. That's disgusting.

Keith

Ah, honey, that's how we pay the rent.

"If you've eaten any of this breakfast, you now owe me. Invoices have to go out today. See you at the office."

Veronica

And I always fall for it.

Veronica

Hey, Weevil, I'm trying to have a word with whoever's running the PCHers these days, and I was hoping you might be able to hook me up.

Weevil

Sure thing. Let me just call my parole officer and give him a heads-up I'll be cavorting with known criminals.

Weevil

I don't know what to say. Gang kids are usually quite punctual.

Veronica

It's all right. Part of me actually hopes they don't show.

Weevil

Veronica Mars, scared of a few bikers? Not even a quarter college-educated and already you're square as—

Veronica

It's not the bikers, per se. It's more what they represent.

Weevil

I rest my case.

Veronica

If they show, they probably didn't do it, which would look not so good for Josh. If they don't show, there's a good chance they did it.

Weevil

Maybe they're here to confess.

Who wants out of jail?

Veronica

I do! I do!

Keith

Honey...why is there a pistol in the freezer?

Veronica

Because there's this guy, see, and I want to put him on ice. Because revenge is a dish best served cold. Because I want to commit murder in the 28th degree?

Keith

Stop.