Veronica Mars quotes from Veronica Mars

Veronica

What the hell are you doing?

I...uh...I'm...

Veronica

Formulating a lie, realizing it's futile, begrudgingly telling the truth?

I'm trying to help Landry, okay? He gave your father the bug that someone planted in his phone. I'm hoping it will lead to Mindy.

Veronica

How is it going to lead to Mindy?

I don't know. Serial numbers?

Veronica

They don't have serial numbers.

Well, I didn't know. There's got to be a way. How would you do it?

Veronica

[annoyed] Hmmm...well, first, I'd break into someone's office, act really weasly, and then ask their advice.

Wallace

What?

Veronica

I'm just trying to figure out which Gilmore girl you are.

Veronica

If you're wondering where I am, I'm hanging out outside a convenience store, eating corn nuts and watching strippers.

Keith

Are you doing drugs?

Veronica

No.

Keith

Good.

Veronica

Nice gloves. You heading to the parlor to strangle Colonel Mustard after this?

We're breaking and entering. I can't leave prints.

Veronica

Use your sleeve! It's less creepy.

Logan

Mars!

Veronica

We're on a last name basis now? We've skipped right over androgynous nicknames.

Logan

I tried calling you "Chuckles", but it didn't stick.

Veronica

Man, you get everyone to confess.

Keith

I think it's the uniform. Do you have anything to confess?

Veronica

Yes. You embarrass me.

Veronica

8 a.m. - shouldn't you be in a wet suit somewhere?

Logan

Early Poli. Sci.

Veronica

And you're actually going?

Logan

Yeah, I even bought this amazing pen that accents text in neon colors.

Veronica

Ah, a highlighter.

Logan

Lots of advancements since the last time I buckled down.

Logan

What about you?

Veronica

"Violence in early adolescence."

Logan

Need me to autograph your textbook?

Veronica

Thanks, but...

Logan

Hey, by the way, I am throwing I birthday party for Parker this weekend. I've been studying up too. I watched My Super Sweet Sixteen. That reminds me, do you know where I can get about a dozen eunuchs?

Veronica

Not offhand, but I could make some calls.

Veronica

So...Piz didn't say anything about the whole party...thing?

Wallace

Like how you two made out in the hall and then you took off? Why? Is he calling you all the time?

Veronica

He called once. The day after. But...how would you interpret his mood?

Wallace

You want me to have this talk? Am I a twelve year old girl?

Veronica

No...but you're drinking Fresca and watching Joan Crawford movies.

Mac

Is the eggplant good?

It's okay.

Mac

How about that stuff?

It's good.

Mac

It's probably horrible for you, right? I'll stay with the eggplant. No, wait - what do you think? [pause] I need to see a psychiatrist.

Veronica

I was thinking more an English professor. What we're dealing with her is an absurd level of symbolism. [to server] Two lasagnas.

Okay.

Mac

Symbolism?

Veronica

I mean, the Bronson Parmigiana is good for me, but, ooh! The Maxuccine looks awfully tempting.

Mac

It's not my fault Max won't stop calling. Like you should talk.

Veronica

Me? I'm not ordering good boy while wishing I ordered bad boy.

Mac

No, you gave up bad boy, but keep asking for samples of good boy.

Veronica

No, I - wait, what?

Mac

Okay, if Logan is the fettucine... [cellphone rings]

Veronica

It's the eggplant.

Wallace

So, are you surviving?

Veronica

Surviving what?

Wallace

Helping Piz. You know, his puppy dog eyes on you all the time.

Veronica

It's weird. Like you said, normal Piz. Like nothing ever happened.

Wallace

[amused] Which bothers you, because making out with you is supposed to be some life-changing experience.

Veronica

I don't know. I just... Why are we talking about this?

Wallace

I thought you liked these kind of conversations.

Veronica

No.

Wallace

I was hoping we could follow it up with a cuteness countdown of the Baldwin brothers.

Veronica

I hope we're still friends after I Taser you.

Veronica

You realize you're the radio-host version of a rock star, right? I don't know what the groupie procedure is for this scenario, but I might have to throw my panties at you.

Piz

Or I could autograph you. I believe we have some Sharpies lying around.

Veronica

Tell your roommate I came by hoping to kill time between classes getting to second base with someone, and then left unsatisfied.

Wallace

He's a good guy, Veronica. Try not to rip out his heart.

Veronica

You were just waiting for me to pull out books?

Logan

No, just browsing.

Veronica

Building up on your South American culture? Conversational Portuguese perhaps? If you're going to be that close to Rio...

Logan

How did you know about my trip?

Veronica

Parker mentioned it.

Logan

Did my fanclub meet today? I thought you guys only met on wednesdays?

Mac

Love makes me lazy. It's a dangerous drug. Kills more brain cells than crystal meth. How's your cell count these days?

Veronica

Mmmm, I can still do long division, but I can't quite remember all the continents.

Mac

So, Pizneyland is the happiest place on Earth?

Veronica

Happy enough. There's no rollercoaster, but I think I can do without the adrenaline and nausea.