Eldridge quotes from Two and a Half Men

Eldridge

No matter how I figure it out there's gonna be one left over!

Alan

What are you doing?

Jake

Fixing Eldridge something to eat.

Alan

Really?

Eldridge

Yes, I was feeling peckerish.

Alan

You mean "peckish".

Eldridge

Fine, if you wanna dicker. [Jake and Eldridge laugh]

Alan

Cool stunts!?! I-in God's name, why!?!

Jake

You've heard of Jackass?

Alan

Yeah.

Eldridge

We are Dumbass.

Alan

[Sarcastically] Really? However did you come up with that name?

Eldridge

Well, we thought, what's better than Jackass?

Alan

That was kind of a rhetorical question.

Jake

It was between Dumbass and the Ass-kateers.

Alan

[Sarcastically] Really? I think you made the right call.

Jake

Think so?

Alan

Oh, yes. I respect your decision. Now get this cleaned up!

Alan

Do you realize how lucky you are? You could have broken your necks.

Jake

There were precautions.

Alan

You flew off the roof! In a shopping cart! What precautions?

Eldridge

We were trying to land in the ocean.

Alan

You missed it by a hundred yards!

Eldridge

It seems overly complicated.

Jake

What is?

Eldridge

Why don't they just make chips with the dip already on them?

Jake

Dude, that's a million dollar idea.

Eldridge

What is?

Jake

Pre-dipped chips.

Eldridge

Hey, that's a million dollar idea.

Jake

What's a million dollar idea?

Eldridge

It's an idea worth a million dollars.

Jake

Boy, I wish I had one of those.