(on how she gets people to leave) Just tell 'em you missed your period and you're out of pot.
(Alan is moving out and Charlie has helped him pack. Alan finds a box labeled "Porn & Blow-Up Doll.")
You couldn't spell "Miscellaneous"?
(Charlie has bribed Jake and Eldridge with five one-hundred dollar bills and told them to split it up any way they want.)
No matter how I figure it out there's gonna be one left over!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.



