We know Saabs are driven by architects, yes? We know Audis are driven by people who play golf. We know Land Rover Discoveries are driven by murderers.
I'm going to have to pull you up on that, as I think you'll find murderers drive a Renault Espace.
Well, Kenneth Noye was a murderer, he had a Land Rover Discovery.
So he may have done, but Harold Shipman drove a Renault Espace, Fred West drove a Renault Espace, Peter Sutcliffe drove a Renault 16.
That's only because the Espace hadn't been invented.
This is a Top Gear top tip. If you're a policeman and there's been a murder in your area, simply arrest anyone who has a practical Renault. [laughter]
[After Jeremy has driven the Ferrari 599 GTO]
You know what, when you were driving with the traction control off, it looked pretty much undriveable.
It was. The thing is, though, after I made that film, I went to Italy with it. I drove it in the dry, and it was a lot better, but, all the time, you can sense it's plotting on new and exciting ways of killing you. You know Cato?
What, from the Pink Panther?
That's my favourite comic character, pretty much.
It's like that. You go around the corner. You think "Yes, I've got this, I'm holding this well." And suddenly, it goes into a massive tail slide.
It is. You go back to a hotel room at night thinking, "Is it in the mini bar? Is it on top of the wardrobe?" You know it's going to leap out and attack you at any moment.
[On the Stig]
Some say that he doesn't understand the word "envelope". And that he is the only woman in Britain not to have slept with Alan Johnson's policeman. All we know is, he's called the Stig.
[While eating burnt sausages between bread cooked by Jeremy, James and Richard]
SJ Shane Jacobson
Hmm! My grandfather was burnt less than that when they cremated him.
Did you know that barbecue is an ancient Aboriginal word for diarrhoea?
EP Ewen Page
Well it will be after we eat this I tell you that!
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, a fat man gets murdered, a donkey gets overtaken and James wears lady's underwear on his head.
[In Albania]
This is the perfect car for the job.
You can't say that word, the 'C' word.
[laughs] no, not that 'C' word, the other 'C' word.
Yes. You can't say that. Car here means... "Gentleman sausage" .
[...]
Yes, but you can't say car . Or peach .
[gestures] "Lady garden" .
And I have never experienced a car this big, and so powerful.
[having replaced a Bentley with a Yugo "for complicated reasons"]
It is the most expensive penis of the three, two hundred twenty thousand pounds, and from where I'm sitting, it's hard to see why.
[...]
[bouncing up and down] This has to be the least refined car I've ever driven. This is simply intolerable. Two hundred twenty thousand pounds for this!
[to Albanian mechanic]
[gesturing] So, running , then stop .
That describes most breakdowns really.
[Trying to fit a very large "dead body" in the back of a car]
This was hopeless. So rather embarrassingly, we had to ask the man we'd murdered to give us a hand.
[Man stands up, climbs in]
[During their "bank heist" test, Jeremy and Ricard steal the Mercedes-Benz S65 AMG and the Rolls Royce Ghost, leaving him with the Yugo as his only means of transport, he is not pleased with this]
What a pair of utter cars !
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, our track's a bit foggy, a man eats a snack, and we move about in a caravan.
[during the forensic test]
They've actually already discovered that your car used to belong to a Muslim man from Birmingham.
What, they can tell that just by swabbing the seats?
No. They found this letter.
[Jeremy laughs as James reveals it]
JM John Manlove
[talking about the results of Richard's car] Again, the steering wheel had what turned out to be saliva staining on it. And lastly, we have pubic hairs, [James snorts] and, uh, faeces.
[laughs] I'm sorry, did you just say the word "faeces"?
JM John Manlove
What certainly appeared to be faecal matter, yeah.
[to Richard] Your car's got poo in it.
It's like driving around in a Morroccan prison, in the front of his car? [voiceover] After the forensic test, my colleagues were very distressed.
[James is wearing surgical gloves and a mouth mask in his car, Richard is wearing a hazmat suit]
[during the Pagani Zonda R review Jeremy points out that the Zonda R is not road legal nor can it be used on a track]
[voiceover] So, if it's not for racing, and it's not for the road, what is it for? Well, this.
[cut to the Zonda R being driven very fast]
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