Top Gear Season 20 quotes

Jeremy

Some say that he has the worlds largest collection of horse eggs, and that when he knocks Rafael Nadal out this week it won't be during a game of tennis.

Jeremy

I do realize the enormity of the challenge I face, which is why I have gone for the fastest car in the world. Here it is. [gestures to blue Toyota Corolla]

James

It's a Toyota Corolla.

Jeremy

Yes it is.

James

It's a 1.8 litre Toyota Corolla.

Jeremy

Engine size is irrelevant, James, because do you know what makes this so fast? Look in the window. [camera zooms in on Avis Preferred Service tag on mirror] I've rented it!

James

Oh no.

Jeremy

Yes. And this is the thing, with the Bugatti Veyron sometimes you're using 15 horsepower, sometimes you're only using ten. This, you've got 140 horsepower from the moment you start it up to the moment you crash it.

James

Did you pick up one of those, what do they call them, collision damage waiver forms?

Jeremy

No, I picked up six.

Jeremy

It was PJ O'Rourke, the American author, who first noticed that hire cars are the fastest cars in the world. He is, of course, completely correct, because when was the last time you took your car to the redline? Or you drove it flat out? Never. But here, in this, now, yeees, because it isn't mine.

Jeremy

"Was Avis vehicle on correct side of the road?" Yes, I was. "Explain how accident occurred." A maniac came the other way. "State who in your opinion was responsible for the accident." Him! Him! He was mad.

Jeremy

Is it exhausting?

James

No, I want to say it's bloody uncomfortable and unpleasant, but Sir Ben Ainslie is sitting next to me, so I can't really say that.

Jeremy

Can you congratulate him for how good he was in both Gandhi and Sexy Beast?

[smiling] Nearly nobbled a cameraman.

Jeremy

Tonight, I play tennis. Richard points at a minibus. And James shakes hands with two men.

Jeremy

Some say that he breaks into people's houses at night and leaves two mysterious extra keys in a kitchen drawer. And that as a result of buying Pirelli condoms this week, he now has 17 children.

Richard

I don't believe you, and I think this has become a new mystery. It's like a yeti. So if maybe somebody's seen him, if you have seen Jeremy on his bicycle, write to us, please, at "Help, I've Burst From Laughing, Top Gear, Wood Lane, wherever". I don't believe you.

Jeremy

I'm going to ride down here — No, I'm not going to ride down here next week. That's idiotic. I barely ride to the paper shop.

Richard

I'm thinking that would be an epic test. (James) in that Ferrari, (Jeremy) in the McLaren, me in that Zonda.

Jeremy

Anybody want to see that?

Yeah!

Richard

So do I. I want to do that.

Jeremy

Let's see if we can put that together.

Richard

Yeah, I want to do that.

Jeremy

Mmm! We have everything we need. Huge scenery, swooping road, no traffic. The Holy Trinity for anyone whose communion wine comes with an octane rating.

Jeremy

Tonight, a dog looks over a wall. We drive some chairs. And The Stig does a skid in a supercharged Jag.

Jeremy

[in the McLaren MP4-12C Spider] So, Spain. Six million unemployed and they have a smaller population than we do. Two million households have no income at all. 57 percent youth unemployment.

Jeremy

[voice over] Right now, though, James was dealing with rather more serious issues.

James

[in the Audi R8 V10 Spyder] The cabin is too blustery. I've got both the windows up and I have the windshield thing at the back up, but my hair still whips me in the eyeballs. I know some of you are going, "Why don't you get your hair cut, then?" Lots of people have lots of hair.

James

£70,000 will buy a cook.

Richard

Would it interfere with this debate if I was suddenly and violently sick?

Jeremy

[voice over] Of course, if you turn the traction control off and stamp on the throttle, you can get it to misbehave. But you sense immediately that it doesn't want to do this. [in the car] It doesn't like that. [imitating German accent] "I am a serious racing car, Englander! Don't drive with your clown shoes on!"