Top Gear · Season 16
[after the build quality test with Jeremy's convertible, he gets out]
[his voice is high-pitched from breathing helium] Right. I just have to say, that's a stupid test.
[Richard laughs]
[still in a helium voice] It is stupid. It's just a test of how big your lungs are.
[James and Jermemy are lining up their BMW 325 Convertibles for a 0-100-0 drag race]
It's not the paving stone in the back I'm worried about; it's the automatic gearbox. Doing a drag race in an auto is like a 100 metre sprint in wellies, full of tadpoles.
[Having reached 100mp/h]:
No brakes, no brakes!
[shot pans to flyby of Jeremy's car}
This is not stopping!
[shot pans to another flyby]
Please STOP!
[James chuckles]
Finally, it was Jeremy's turn.
He's going to have to breathe. Oh, he's done it, he's done it!
[after the build quality test with Jeremy's convertible, he gets out]
[his voice is high-pitched from breathing helium] Right...
[Richard bursts out in laughter]
[still in a helium voice] I just have to say that's stu... it is stupid! It's just to test how big your lungs are!
Tonight: Richard wears a blue hat, James wears a different hat, and I wear a hat with things on it.
You know when you drive behind the gritting machine and say "Oh no, it's turning my car into a DeLorean!
[The Top Gear Presenters are driving through a Norwegian town and are testing the "de-icing" implement of their "Snowbine", which is essentially a flamethrower. Naturally, this makes Jeremy very excited.]
[a la Arthur Brown] I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE AND I BRING YOU...
[he sends out a jet of flame behind the Snowbine]
...FIRE!
[while trying to clear a ten-mile mountain pass, the Snowbine goes into a tank-slapper and causes Hammond to fall over backwards whilst shovelling grit, Jeremy laughs]
[screams] Where's my wedding ring?! I've lost my wedding ring!
Has it gone in the thing?
It must have done!
[voiceover] Soon, though, we had bigger things to worry about than Hammond's ring.
[the Snowbine crashes into a massive heap of snow in front of it and comes to a stop]
If you think about it, a combine harvester is designed to never work in the snow, or in the rain, or on a hill. It's always flat ground on lovely summer's evenings. It's out of its comfort zone here. [voiceover] Which meant that sadly, so was I.
[Jeremy is shovelling snow off the snow blade]
Jesus!
[On the start-stop-automatic of the BMW M3]
[voiceover] In a straight line, it's no faster than the standard car. And around the bends it feels ... exactly the same. Except of course when you eventually spin [showing a spinning M3 with smoking tires] it'll assume you'd have arrived at a set of lights and cut the engine.
[shouting] Why have you done that? Nobody arrives at a set of traffic lights backwards in a cloud of tire smoke! [mumbles] Stupid thing!
[During the opening sequence.]
[voiceover] Tonight, a spaniel in a moon buggy; A fat man in a Kia;
Woah, there she goes!
[voiceover] and a race against the Lord God Almighty. [spoken in the car] Come on!
[On the Stig]
Some say that his favourite disease he had when he was a child was gout. [laughter] And that he was very surprised this week when he was able to pick up some remarkably cheap tickets for the Bahrain Grand Prix. All we know is he's called the Stig!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
