[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Richard Hammond buys a cup of coffee; James May slips on some snow...
I hate snow.
...and we show a picture of Steve McQueen.
S17 E1June 26th, 2011
[on the MG 6]
I don't think the factory where it's being made is very in Longbridge is Modern at all, because I've got the press release they sent out here and it says the first car was driven off the line by the only woman who works there.
That's not very modern, is it.
No.
Did they go on to say, "and best of all, she has a smashing pair of knockers!"
Don't tell me, it says next "Don't worry chaps, we'll let her drive it off, but we won't let her park it!"
[on the BMW 1M]
So, what do we got here? Well, there's a straight-6 engine at the front, a manual gearbox in the middle and drive goes to the back. That's page 1, chapter 1 from the Petrosexual Handbook.
Ladies and Gentlemen, we ARE not worthy, please welcome Alice Cooper!
S17 E2July 3rd, 2011
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: I find a bicycle in a river; James annoys a dog; and Richard jumps over a dyke!
This is a place of screaming engines and tire smoke. It is a cathedral to the god of thunder and the mistress of power--the natural home then--for James May.
[On the Stig]
Some say that he can't eat mashed potato, for religious reasons. And that he recently received 47,000 tickets, Olympic tickets, all of them... for the final of the women's wrestling. All we know is, he's called The Stig!
But -- but I think there is a problem with this car... because they've called it... The Growler.
[laughter from the audience]
Yeah. Now... now, we... we... we Googled growler [laughter] and we were quite surprised and a bit shocked by what it turns out to mean.
And do you know, Richard, I've forgotten what it is. What does it mean? Can you tell the ladies and gentlemen?
Well, you know those... big welcome mats you might see on a girl in the '70s? [laughter]
That's what it is!
Yeah.
Why would you name your car after that?
Honestly, James, I don't think they knew. I think they're sitting in Zurich, or wherever they are. This is the first time they've realised that growler means that in England. And they'll be sitting going, "Gott in Himmel! Wolfgang, ve have accidentally named ze car after ein Fraugarten!"
[laughter from Richard and the audience]
Look, the car, the Growler... is it based on an XK? Has it got four seats?
No, you can't get in the back.
[brief pause then laughter from Richard and the audience applauses]
Everybody's turned over to Countryfile.
What? What?!
I'm not, uh, I'm not sure they're going to sell very many of those.
No, neither do I. There's another reason why. It costs £670,000.
Ouch!
Yeah. There probably will be a trimmed-down version later, but I bet you... [laughter] just for the Brazilian market.
I'm sorry. It's called a Growler.
There's a bloke at some point who is going to say, "I'm just going outside to wax the Growler."
[laughter from Jeremy, Richard and the audience]
Wax the Growler.
Oh, you dirty bugger!
[trying to say he can't get out of the car in Italian to 2 service station workers]
[subtitle: My prawns don't function]
S17 E3July 11th, 2011
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, I talk to two old ladies; Richard makes a phone call; And James sniffs his own armpit.
[while testing the McLaren's suspension on the corner of Bentley Bend on the Top Gear test track]
You'd get more of a jolt if you drove a Rolls-Royce over a Jaffa cake.
[while reviewing the McLaren MP4-12C]
When you drive a Lamborghini it's like you're operating a horse with some mustard stuck up its bottom, but when you drive this -- it's like you're operating the sort of machine they use, I imagine, in ophthalmic surgery
The McLaren, then, is like a pair of tights. Very practical and very sensible. The Ferrari, though, that is a pair of stockings.
[On the Stig]
Some say that he refuses to acknowledge the existence of Nottinghamshire. And that he recently received a very strong e-mail from his fiancee's mother saying it's bad manners to sit at the dinner table in a helmet. All we know is he's called the Stig!
What kind of bird can have a gallon of guano in its gut and still take off and achieve sufficient altitude to defecate on my Range Rover?!
A big one!
Maybe it was a flying cow.
What?
James, you really do live in Hammersmith, don't you?
We should bear in mind this is the man who believes cows lay eggs, and he does. He said that on the show.
You say that --
I said eggs come from cows.
Well, you see...
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