[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: just the thing for an already confused world, another Porsche 911; we get sand in the trunks of 3 muscle cars; and how many bouncy castles can you jump in an ice-cream van?
S5 E1October 24th, 2004
(About the Porsche 996) "[...] it wasn't so much a car, more a place where a fat, balding, middle-aged man could go off and have his mid-life crisis... I liked it a lot!"
[on the Monaro's high gearing and enormous torque] Here I am, doing sixty miles an hour, in top gear [6th], and the engine is turning over at 1,500rpm - 1500! It's idling! You fat Aussie slacker!
[Testing the Chrysler 300C on the beach] Stop interfering, you piece of... cheap electronic tat!
[On the Porsche 997 Carrera] So to sum up. The new Carrera is pretty much the same as old one except the gear lever comes off. This, however, is not a standard Carrera. This is a Carrera S. And the S stands for: So, fat, balding, middle-aged man, go and have your mid-life crisis somewhere else.
[On the Porsche 911 range] "And then the 3.8 S with the chrono sport pack, for thin, chiselled-jawed people who have no friends. Like the Stig, for instance!"
"The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won't let me turn the traction control off!"
[On the Hummer aftershave]
It comes in a jerrycan of repressed homosexuality.
[voice-over during the drifting challenge] The Monaro did beat the Jag but now it's the turn of the Chrysler.....and oh dear!
[in the car]The Americans lectured the world on democracy and then WON'T LET ME TURN THE TRACTION CONTROL OFF! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A BIG BAD DANGEROUS MUSCLE CAR! [American accent] But sir, you may hurt yourself! [normal voice again] A car designed by health and safety this one.
S5 E2October 31st, 2004
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: the Ferrari Enzo, the Jaguar XJ220, the Pagani Zonda, the McLaren F1, the Ferrari F40 and the Porsche Carrera GT!
[comparing the Porsche Carrera GT to the McLaren F1]
This car, then, ticks all the health-and-safety boxes. It's like an Airbus, very safe and very civilized, where as the old McLaren... that's like Concorde. Unfortunately, like Concorde, it was flawed. Even its biggest fans, and I'm not one of them, say that the gearbox is clunky, the steering's too heavy, the front's too vague, and the back end... is skittish.
[on the McLaren F1]
You know that bit in Dr. Strangelove, when Peter Sellers is astride the nuclear missile? That's what it's like... You don't know where you're going, you're in no real control, you just know the journey's going to end very soon, and very badly!
[While testing a Ferrari Enzo borrowed from Pink Floyd drummer Nick Mason.]
Ummagumma!
This is the division bell between the ordinary and the absolutely astonishing.
That is the delicate sound of thunder" [referring to the noise made by the V12 engine]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.