[comes out of the hospital with a bandage on his head and stops in his tracks] What are you two wearing?
[Richard and Jeremy stand in front of James wearing burkas and sunglasses]
S16Top Gear: Nativity Special (December 26th, 2010)
[voiceover] The Fiat's tyre had changed its mind about having air in it.
BUGGER!
[when their 'Sneak across Syria' plan has failed with them driving to their hotel disguised in Burkas where they see a "Welcome Top Gear" banner at the entrance]
I've appeared on TV in drag for nothing!
I've finally found a present for Jeremy. Oil of Tact.
I'm now driving my car of many colours, and many cylinders, into Jordan. A country famous for not having Bethlehem in it.
There is a place reserved in Hell for the man who put that gearbox in that car. And it's the ratios - it's a case of many are called, but few are chosen. And many who are first shall be fourth and many who are third will actually kick-down into second.
[after seeing that part of his car's rear body had fallen off] My arse! I've lost an entire buttock!
[on a stop by the Sea of Galilee]
[removing the bandage from James' head] You are healed. I have healed you.
Cock! You took the bandage off!
[in the stable at the end of the show] Come, let us see this child that has been born unto us.
Yes, let's.
Yes...
[Hammond moves aside the blanket and gasps. O Fortuna plays as the camera reveals the Baby Stig]
... Well, I wasn't expecting that.
...And on that bombshell...!
S16 E1January 23rd, 2011
[during the opening sequence]
Tonight, a dog won't go in a car, a clipboard falls over, and a man from Liverpool is on our track.
[In the opening scene, where Jeremy is talking about the iPlayer]
...and isn't the iPlayer [stutters] brilliant...[pauses for a few seconds]...art...om when it freezes...[freezes as if buffering]...oadband connection. Er, what I'd like to do is shove it up British Telecom's...[freezes again before he can finish; cut to him dithering further back]...e start tonight with the Ariel Atom. Now there is a new, much fa-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-[scene cut]-aster version, which has come along recently...
Forgive me for saying this, but a good looking chap such yourself tends not to be funny.
JBJohn Bishop
[looks at Jeremy] ...You are funny.
[checking the leader board]
Tom Cruise is the fastest, and then Cameron Diaz...
JBJohn Bishop
Oh, I've always wanted to be on top of her.
[applauses]...
S16 E2January 30th, 2011
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, a sausage gets burnt, a sheep falls over, and our track is all wet.
[On the Mini Countryman]
It's just stupid. It's the stupidest car I've ever seen. And it gave me crabs.
What?
Crabs?
I meant cramp. Why did I say crabs? How can a car give you crabs?
I don't know! Tell us!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.