Top Gear quotes

1565 total quotes

(When they are performing the challenge of parking in Marlborough)
Jeremy (Hammond is attempting to park): Are you, uh, looking where you're going or using the force
Richard (Clarkson is attempting to park): Is it ... Is it heavy, mate?
Jeremy: Oooooh.
(May is fetching his car)
Jeremy (voiceover): Because James' car is so big and hard to see out of, we decided to "help" him out a little.
(Jeremy is moving one of the cars)
Richard: You evil man! That's brilliant! That's genius.

Alan Carr: Looks slow, is faster. I'll put that on my gravestone.

Both: No it isn't.
Jeremy: ...And on that bombshell, it's time to end the show. Thanks very much for watching. [Jeremy "facepalms" on the steering wheel out of embarrassment] Goodnight!

Coast Guard pilot over radio: Please state your intentions.
Jeremy: Our intentions are to cross the Channel faster than Beardy Branson.
Coast Guard pilot over radio: In that case, I wish you the best of luck.

David: Can we edit the spin out?
Jeremy: Yes, we can edit that out.
David: You promise?

David: You sprayed my helmet!
Jeremy: You shot one of my testicles- Oh, I see, that helmet!

FAQ about Fiesta: What if I am asked to take part in a beach assault with the Royal Marines?
[There follows a sequence of Clarkson being transported to a beach on a marine troop landing craft. During the sequence, there are three marines in the car with Clarkson, and comments are made relating to how easy it is to shoot from out of the car's open windows and the convenience of the cup holders coincidentally being the correct size to hold hand grenades]

FAQ about Fiesta: What if I go to a shopping centre and get chased by baddies in a Corvette?
[There follows a sequence of Clarkson in the Fiesta being chased through the interior of a shopping mall and its parking structure by a Corvette]

Hamilton: It is actually quite exciting when you're flying headfirst into a barrier - the initial part, the initial part is actually quite fun, especially when you hit the gravel trap and you get some air, and then you see it coming and you think 'erk - it's gonna hurt!'

James: [after fixing his BMW, being followed by many children] What I couldn't have done without those meddling kids.

James: [in the stable at the end of the show] Come, let us see this child that has been born unto us.
Jeremy: Yes, let's.
Richard: Yes...
[Hammond moves aside the blanket and gasps. O Fortuna plays as the camera reveals the Baby Stig]
James: ... Well, I wasn't expecting that.
Jeremy:...And on that bombshell...!

James: [in the transport plane, with the back open while they were still in the air] Hammond! Put your handbrake on!

James: [on being in the Nativity Play as a child] I was a shepherd because I had a dressing gown.

James: [pointing to his large spotlight] This is the Light of the World.

James: [to the tune of ��We Three Kings'] We three kings from orient afar,
One in a Vauxhall, two in sports cars��