TV show quotes
Characters
Jeremy ClarksonJeremy Clarkson · 1,331 quotes
Richard HammondRichard Hammond · 628 quotes
James MayJames May · 559 quotes
Stephen LadymanStephen Ladyman · 8 quotes
HHamilton5 quotes
SSimon5 quotes
DDavid4 quotes
PPatrick4 quotes
The StigBen Collins · 4 quotes
Most scenes together: Jeremy Clarkson & Richard Hammond (406), Jeremy Clarkson & James May (323), Richard Hammond & James May (261)
[The first opening sequence.]
This... is a car programme. There will be no cushions, there will be no rag-rolling, no-one will sing, and at the end of the series, no-one will have a recording contract. This is our new base, and this is our purpose-built test track. There are no traffic jams here, ooh... apart from this one, and no bus-lanes either. THIS... IS Top Gear!
[During the opening sequence.]
In tonight's show: a supercar from a shed in Leicestershire; a rock star in our Reasonably-Priced car; and how many bikes can you jump with a bus.
[During the opening sequence.]
In tonight's show: Grannies doing Doughnuts; is the new Mini any good?; Ultimate Force in our Reasonably-Priced car; and the bed spring with a bike engine takes on the Zonda around our track.
[During the opening sequence.]
On tonight's Top Gear: Steve Coogan has a go in our reasonably priced car; buying a used Nissan Skyline; and we give world rally champion Richard Burns a taste of his own medicine.
[to a young woman on the street] What have you got for a price of a Vanquish, then...? That house there?
Mmm-hmm
Detached house: three bedrooms; lounge, whatever one of those is... three bedroom house, for about the same as the Aston. Would you rather have that house or that car.
The car.
Good girl.
[During the opening sequence.]
In tonight's Top Gear: The most relaxing way to spend 280,000 pounds on a car; Richard reveals a budget Bond car; and a floppy haired star in our reasonably priced car.
[on the Bentley]
You probably think there's nothing to be scared of. You probably think you can handle it--like heroin. But look... I mean, I'm going 60 miles an hour--just a little cough [lets out a cartoonish cough] and we're doing 70... and then we're going 80... and now we're doing 90... I'm and starting to feel drowsy, 'cause it's so relaxing, as we go past 100, and 110 [trails off]... 130!
[trying to get a phone number stored on the Mercedes-Benz W220's system]
349
249
Why don't you listen?
Dialing.
No! Don't dial that! I don't know who that is, it might be the Queen!
[During the opening sequence.]
In tonight's Top Gear: Evidence that the French have gone mad; evidence that the Germans have gone mad; and as an oasis of sanity, the grannies are back!
One of these days, he's gonna kill himself and we're gonna need a new Stig.
[on the Renault Vel Satis]
It's capable of going fast in the same way that Queen Victoria was capable of running. It just doesn't seem to like it very much.
[Presenting the new BMW Z4]
You can stick a BMW badge on a dead cat - and people would still buy it.
The star we have tonight in our reasonably-priced car may look like a boy, but he is, in fact, called Tara. And that, I suppose, makes him a girl.
[During the opening sequence.]
In tonight's Top Gear: rock star in our reasonably priced car; I learn how to drive a Lotus Elise properly; and it's religious racing as we find the fastest faith.
[on the fastest faith]
It's the 16th Century all over again! The Catholics come in second!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.