Brock Samson quotes from The Venture Bros.

Brock

Shore Leave, code red! We got a fox in the hen house and the jumbo eggs are gone!

Brock

Stay back! Another one of those mummies got stuck in our landing gear.

Who dares to desecrate the sacred tomb of- oof!

Ow! Hey, hey! Wait a minute. (Brock breaks the mummys arm.) There's no reason to - aarghhh! (Brock delivers a karate chop to the throat.) Oof! Ow, oh, hey!

Hank

Holy toledo, he ripped on him!

Dean

Way to give him a little chin music Brock!

Well that ought to take care of tha-

Dean

Look, Brock still ain't done with him!

Hank

That's showing him who's boss, Brock-O!

Was that really necessary?

Brock

You have to defile a mummy completely or they'll come back to life. You know that.

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to turn in your weapon.

It's all right, soldier. Mr. Samson is my bodyguard.

Just the same, doctor. I'm going to have to confiscate it from you.

Brock

(growls furiously) Go ahead. (gives a horrible grin) Take it from me.

(after being attacked by a frightening green creature) What the hell was that?

Brock

Chupacabra. They're all over Mexico.

Brock

How long can you live if you're not hooked up to him?

Oh, I dunno...a couple of hours? But they'd be awfully uncomf-- (Brock yanks out the tubes connecting Doc to H.E.L.P.eR.) GAH!

Brock

You get the boys. I'll take care of these guys.

Are you sure? There's an awful lot of them.

Brock

(left eye twitching) They hit me with a truck.

Let's take this slow. It's my first time.

Brock

I'll be gentle. Now where do you want this hot rocket?

Wow! That's a big one. Now, ease it in...good, just like that.

Uugh, ay-yi...uugh, Brock, can we speed this up? I really need to go number one, I'm serious.

That's it! Keep going. Slow...slow...YES! That's it!

Brock

That's a tight fit.

(sighs) It's like they were made for each other.

(annoyed) Yes, because they were, because they were both made by the same guy. Now can we finish this up, please?

Brock

I'm almost there, brace yourself because it's gonna be... (trails off)

Oh, come on!

Brock

Bionic, huh? Let's see how bionic. (he kicks Summers in the testicles)

(in agony) Ooof...right in my Cape Canaverals!

Brock

Wait a minute, I know you too. You're Steve Summers, astronaut!

Former astronaut.

Brock

I thought you died.

That's what everyone was meant to think, though I was barely alive after my test ship broke up, but the army saved me. They spent six million dollars to give me all new bionic parts. Made me stronger, better, faster than I was. Then you know what they did? They put me to work! They expected me to pay it all back! Do you have any idea how long six million bucks takes to pay off on a government salary?!

Brock

You could've told me Sasquatch was a dude.

Eh? What, you couldn't tell?

Brock

Not until I had to.. (shudder) ...shave him.

What are you, shy? Sasquatch doesn't have anything you haven't seen before.

Brock

(angrily) Sasquatch IS something I haven't seen before!

You KILLED my FATHER!

Brock Samson

After you killed my partner.

You took my EYE!

Brock

After you took...my heart.

NYET! You know I can only go to second base!

Brock

Still? After all these years?! Urrrgh! I thought the cold war was OVER!

It's always cold in Siberia.

Brock

(Lighting two cigarettes, then smoking both at the same time) You want one of these? (Throws Molotov the pack, she lights one and smokes sexily)

Brock

GARRRRRRR! (Stabs his knife into the mattress and stands up with a giant erection) I gotta go take care of something.

Hank

So what super-cool adventure are we goin' on today? Should I get my SCUBA gear?

Brock

We're not goin' anywhere. Your father's workin' on this...thing.

Hank

SCUBA. SCUBA. SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA. Say SCUBA.

Brock

SCUBA.

Hank

SCUBA. It sounds funny. SCUBA.

Brock

SCUBA. Yeah it does.

Hank

What's this one?

Brock

"In Through The Out Door".

Hank

Can I put it on?

Brock

Rather you didn't. Zep sold out on that one. Besides...I've got memories attached to that record. Can we drop this please?

Hank

Is it because you killed a bunch of ninjas while it was playing, and so it reminds you of ninjas?

Brock

No, Hank...

Hank

How about frogmen? Does it remind you of frogmen?

Brock

IT'S A WOMAN!...The only woman I ever loved. Are you happy now?

Hank

(pouty voice) No...because you snapped at me.

Brock

You're alright, Hank. You know that? You're alright.

Hank

Morning, Brock. [Brock grabs him by the throat and lifts him off the ground, sees who it is and drops him]

Brock

Hank? You all right?

Hank

[hoarsely] I will be.

Brock

You have to stop sneaking up on me.

Hank

I just wanted to tell you [coughs] H.E.L.P.E.R.'s broken. Uh, Brock?

Brock

Yeah?

Hank

[still holding his throat] Is it okay if I cry?