“The Incredible Mr. Brisby” · Season 1
In this episode: Doctor Thaddeus Venture (7), Brisby (4), Brock Samson (3), Hank Venture (3), Dean Venture (2), Molotov (2), Doctor Venture (1)
Dude, look, elephants!
That's... (rummages through box of wildlife cards) "Loxodonta africana." You can tell which ones are the males because they're the only ones with tusks.
I got no problem tellin' which one's the male, bro. Check out the fifth leg on that beast!
It's called a trunk.
It's called "you're a spaz", and that ain't what I'm talkin' about.
What are you, on the rag?
(exasperated) It's impossible for me to be on the rag, I'm a...I can't believe I'm even arguing about this with you! What men's room did you pick up that kind of trash talk in? (the boys point at Brock, who shrugs)
Welcome, Dr. Venture...to the funnest place on Earth! (he turns toward Venture, revealing his partially paralyzed face)
(horrified) Holy dammit Christmas!
Does my appearance startle you, Dr. Venture?
(struggling to regain his composure) No, not at all, I--as a man of science, I see all...kinds of things.
Now that we've exchanged pleasantries and hot panda milk, Dr. Venture, let's talk business. I want you to clone me.
(caught off-guard) Cloning? (unconvincingly) I...wouldn't know anything about that, seeing as Congress has banned all cloning research in North America.
I-that's it! The deal is off! I don't care if you are rich, I don't have to take this crap from a gimp!
I spy a...um... (shuffling through cards) huh. I don't have a card for that one.
If you don't knock it off with the wildlife cards already, you're going to be spying my foot up your wow-hole, Dean. Seriously.
Brock? Thank God! His freakin' panda's trained to put me in a bag!
(resentfully) Your panda broke my glasses.
We'll replace them at once. We have many glasses here. We have everything you need.
Where the hell is "here"?
Your home for the time being. (dramatically) Welcome, Dr. Venture...to the Brisby-dome!
This is that ridiculous giant beehive next door to your study, isn't it? You knocked me out and put me in a bag to bring me fifty yards?!?
Ooohh! Ah ha ha, now I see. You know, it took me a minute, but I just got it.
Got it? So you'll come aboard?
Oh, no no no. What I just got is that you're like a total jacked up freaky-deaky crazy pants!
You KILLED my FATHER!
After you killed my partner.
You took my EYE!
After you took...my heart.
(They pause, awkwardly, and kiss)
NYET! You know I can only go to second base!
Still? After all these years?! Urrrgh! I thought the cold war was OVER!
It's always cold in Siberia.
(Lighting two cigarettes, then smoking both at the same time) You want one of these? (Throws Molotov the pack, she lights one and smokes sexily)
GARRRRRRR! (Stabs his knife into the mattress and stands up with a giant erection) I gotta go take care of something.
You don't want to shoot me, boys. You know me. You know what I'll do to you if you do.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
