“Eeney, Meeney, Miney... Magic!” · Season 1
In this episode: Dean Venture (6), Doctor Byron Orpheus (6), Doctor Thaddeus Venture (5), Brock Samson (4), Hank Venture (4), Triana Orpheus (3)
My son has it in his head that you were in our house last night and you... killed our robot.
The seed of your loins is quite astute. I saved your mechanical man from certain damnation. For his frail, electronic eyes had gazed upon the impenetrable! He was an unwilling beholder to the impossible!
By the crimson shame of Lord Valisinta, I command you...OPENNNNNNNNNN!!
It craves... purity... it devours... purity... it seems to be... What the hell is this thing made out of?
Nothing.
Come on...
Alright fine, I might have used a few unorthodox parts.
Just tell me one!
An... (mumbles)
A what?
An... orphan.
Did you say... an orphan!?
Yeah... a little.. orphan boy..
It's powered by a forsaken child!?
Might be... kind of... I mean, I didn't use the whole thing!
Dean that's great and I can't wait to hear all about it, only Brock's stuck inside Dad's thing that makes people happy. But it's all evil.
I dare you to make less sense.
I was on the floor and I heard everything! And I have a plan!
So how come I never see you at school?
(with a hint of fear) I'm kind of home tutored in a box my pop made, (looks down with a more frightened tone) it sometimes gets very hot in the box... my pop made.
Wow. That's, um... that's screwy. (notices his face, which has gone blank) Crap, did I upset you?
(blankly) Penguins have a gland above their eyes that converts seawater to freshwater.
(note to Triana, recorded on answering machine) Greetings, pumpkin, I am at Mr. Venture's lab... to right that which is wrong and to repair the torn curtain OF TIME ITSELF!! There are four puddings in the fridge. You may enjoy the contents of one of them. Dinner at six.
So what super-cool adventure are we goin' on today? Should I get my SCUBA gear?
We're not goin' anywhere. Your father's workin' on this...thing.
SCUBA. SCUBA. SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA SCUBA. Say SCUBA.
SCUBA.
SCUBA. It sounds funny. SCUBA.
SCUBA. Yeah it does.
Hank and I just woke up on the floor. We were playing Ouija, and a guy hypnotized us.
Dean...
With his magical Dracula powers.
Dean, I'm going to turn around now, and you'd better be on fire. You're standing there in flames, and the only person who can put you out is me, because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!!!
What's this one?
"In Through The Out Door".
Can I put it on?
Rather you didn't. Zep sold out on that one. Besides...I've got memories attached to that record. Can we drop this please?
Is it because you killed a bunch of ninjas while it was playing, and so it reminds you of ninjas?
No, Hank...
How about frogmen? Does it remind you of frogmen?
IT'S A WOMAN!...The only woman I ever loved. Are you happy now?
(pouty voice) No...because you snapped at me.
You're alright, Hank. You know that? You're alright.
Heeey, if I pull this candle down, will it...?
...get wax on my carpet? Yes.
Is your name Pumpkin?
No, it's Triana. Doesn't your dad have a nickname for you?
Well, I've heard him call me 'Dave' or 'Don' a few times, but I don't think they're nicknames.
Who's that big guy who's always washing his car in front of your place?
Oh, that's Brock. He's my dad's bodyguard. One time I saw him kill a guy with a sock full of party snaps!
(facetiously) Did the guy's head get blown off?
(proudly) Yes it did.
(in typically melodramatic tones) Evil has struck the House of Venture! The air reeks of an ill wind! Yea, though I have smelt it, that hath dealt it!
Morning, Brock. [Brock grabs him by the throat and lifts him off the ground, sees who it is and drops him]
Hank? You all right?
[hoarsely] I will be.
You have to stop sneaking up on me.
I just wanted to tell you [coughs] H.E.L.P.E.R.'s broken. Uh, Brock?
Yeah?
[still holding his throat] Is it okay if I cry?
Nice rescue, boys. You saved me from the only woman I've ever loved... with a hat that smells like a men's room... and we're still here.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
