Doctor Thaddeus Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

What the hell are you smiling about?

Hank

(dreamily) Brock said I'm the man of the house while he's gone.

(annoyed) Oh, so you think you're a big man now, huh?

Hank

(uneasily) Uh, no...sir?

Think you can take your old dad, huh? I knew this day would come! Go ahead, big man, take your best shot!

Hank

What...what do you mean, pop?

Dean

No! Stop it, you two! This family's tearing itself apart! (begins to cry)

You proud of yourself, big man? Look what you're doing to your poor brother!

Hank

What are you, on the rag?

(exasperated) It's impossible for me to be on the rag, I'm a...I can't believe I'm even arguing about this with you! What men's room did you pick up that kind of trash talk in? (the boys point at Brock, who shrugs)

Welcome, Dr. Venture...to the funnest place on Earth! (he turns toward Venture, revealing his partially paralyzed face)

(horrified) Holy dammit Christmas!

Does my appearance startle you, Dr. Venture?

(struggling to regain his composure) No, not at all, I--as a man of science, I see all...kinds of things.

Now that we've exchanged pleasantries and hot panda milk, Dr. Venture, let's talk business. I want you to clone me.

(caught off-guard) Cloning? (unconvincingly) I...wouldn't know anything about that, seeing as Congress has banned all cloning research in North America.

(resentfully) Your panda broke my glasses.

We'll replace them at once. We have many glasses here. We have everything you need.

Where the hell is "here"?

Your home for the time being. (dramatically) Welcome, Dr. Venture...to the Brisby-dome!

This is that ridiculous giant beehive next door to your study, isn't it? You knocked me out and put me in a bag to bring me fifty yards?!?

Ooohh! Ah ha ha, now I see. You know, it took me a minute, but I just got it.

Got it? So you'll come aboard?

Oh, no no no. What I just got is that you're like a total jacked up freaky-deaky crazy pants!

My son has it in his head that you were in our house last night and you... killed our robot.

Dr. Orpheus

The seed of your loins is quite astute. I saved your mechanical man from certain damnation. For his frail, electronic eyes had gazed upon the impenetrable! He was an unwilling beholder to the impossible!

Dr. Orpheus

It craves... purity... it devours... purity... it seems to be... What the hell is this thing made out of?

Nothing.

Dr. Orpheus

Come on...

Alright fine, I might have used a few unorthodox parts.

Dr. Orpheus

Just tell me one!

An... (mumbles)

Dr. Orpheus

A what?

An... orphan.

Dr. Orpheus

Did you say... an orphan!?

Yeah... a little.. orphan boy..

Dr. Orpheus

It's powered by a forsaken child!?

Might be... kind of... I mean, I didn't use the whole thing!

Dean

Hank and I just woke up on the floor. We were playing Ouija, and a guy hypnotized us.

Dean...

Dean

With his magical Dracula powers.

Dean, I'm going to turn around now, and you'd better be on fire. You're standing there in flames, and the only person who can put you out is me, because that is the only conceivable reason that you would wake me up like this!!!

Heeey, if I pull this candle down, will it...?

Dr. Orpheus

...get wax on my carpet? Yes.

(outside the bathroom with robe and towel) Dean, what the hell are you doing in there? I need to take a shower!

Dean

I'm practicing being a boyfriend, Pop!

(sidling away, horrified) Uh, never mind, Dean.

[over radio] I can't keep it together, Dr. Venture. I'm sorry about the TVC 15.

Tom, I'm not worried about that tin can, I'm worried about you. You're not dying on me, and that's an order!

What's goin' on, Pop?

Everything's fine, son. You're havin' a nightmare. Kano! Take Rusty downstairs and get him some warm milk.

[over radio] I've got a message for the Action Man.

He's listening, Tom. Go ahead.

I'm happy. Hope you're…happy too. [Action Man tears up] I've loved all I need to love.

Don't talk like that, Tom. You're gonna make it. Fight it!

I'm…feeling very still. And…I think my spaceship knows which way to go. Tell my wife I love her. Very much.

She knows!

Ground control to Major Tom, your circuit's dead! There's something wrong! Can you hear me, Major Tom? Can you hear me? MAJOR TOM!

Ashes…to ashes.

Dean

Dad is super serious all of a sudden. Do you really think he's in as much danger as he says he is?

Brock

Oh yeah, he's screwed. I give him about an hour before he panics and begs for us to haul him up.

Okay, guys, I can hear all this!

It's like wearing nothing at all. Like a second skin.

Ummm, you've got a little something brown on your nose.

(stranded in the Arctic) If this is about what I saw, I won't tell anyone!

(stretches himself to the flying car and flies off) I know!