Doctor Thaddeus Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

([upon finding Dean passed out] Dean! Noooo! [picks up the headphones] Oh, my God, it's side two of Dark Side of the Moon! He's in a Floyd hole! Fill the tub up with ice, now!

(After Aborted Dean hugs the C4 statue of Dr. Venture) Who the hell was that?"

(To the UPS Worker) "Hey! You know what 'Brown can do for me?' He can mind his own business!"

What do you want me to card her? She said she was twenty!

Brock

Stay back! Another one of those mummies got stuck in our landing gear.

Who dares to desecrate the sacred tomb of- oof!

Ow! Hey, hey! Wait a minute. (Brock breaks the mummys arm.) There's no reason to - aarghhh! (Brock delivers a karate chop to the throat.) Oof! Ow, oh, hey!

Hank

Holy toledo, he ripped on him!

Dean

Way to give him a little chin music Brock!

Well that ought to take care of tha-

Dean

Look, Brock still ain't done with him!

Hank

That's showing him who's boss, Brock-O!

Was that really necessary?

Brock

You have to defile a mummy completely or they'll come back to life. You know that.

Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to turn in your weapon.

It's all right, soldier. Mr. Samson is my bodyguard.

Just the same, doctor. I'm going to have to confiscate it from you.

Brock

(growls furiously) Go ahead. (gives a horrible grin) Take it from me.

Your check, Dr. Venture. Muchas gracias.

Super good! Very generous of y-oh, pesos. Great. These zeros are all meaningless.

I am sorry, Señor Venture.

Doctor.

Sí?

No, "Doctor Venture". What's Mexican for "doctor"?

Doctor.

(after being attacked by a frightening green creature) What the hell was that?

Brock

Chupacabra. They're all over Mexico.

Brock

How long can you live if you're not hooked up to him?

Oh, I dunno...a couple of hours? But they'd be awfully uncomf-- (Brock yanks out the tubes connecting Doc to H.E.L.P.eR.) GAH!

Brock

You get the boys. I'll take care of these guys.

Are you sure? There's an awful lot of them.

Brock

(left eye twitching) They hit me with a truck.

Let's take this slow. It's my first time.

Brock

I'll be gentle. Now where do you want this hot rocket?

Wow! That's a big one. Now, ease it in...good, just like that.

Uugh, ay-yi...uugh, Brock, can we speed this up? I really need to go number one, I'm serious.

That's it! Keep going. Slow...slow...YES! That's it!

Brock

That's a tight fit.

(sighs) It's like they were made for each other.

(annoyed) Yes, because they were, because they were both made by the same guy. Now can we finish this up, please?

Brock

I'm almost there, brace yourself because it's gonna be... (trails off)

Oh, come on!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

Off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

It's off!

Dean

It's on!

Hank

Off!

Dean

It's on!

That's called 'blinking', boys...

Hank

Now it's just regular on.

Hank

But Pop, you're bleeding!

Uh? Oh, this. Uh, no, it's fairly common for some men to lactate involuntarily in situations of extreme stress.

Hank

(pointing to Dean's wet pajama bottoms) Dean's lactating too!

Hank

Yeah, but did you get the first aid kit?

I don't need first aid, Hank, I need you to stop choking me and hitting me with fire extinguishers.