Doctor Thaddeus Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

Oh, you're back! You didn't miss much. Oh, one of them [the strippers] was dressed like a cheerleader and said she was 19, but she had a Caesarean scar and her face had more lines on it than a mirror at Studio 54.

Why is it every time I need to get somewhere, we get waylaid by jackassery?

Oh, come on! You're gonna kill me because I had fake sex on graph paper with a girl who barely spoke to you in real life?

If I knew you could just call the cops on him, I would have done it years ago! Because I'm no sissy, no sir. I would just pick up that phone and... "Officer, there's a man in a butterfly suit shooting my robot with a laser beam."

What else do you want? Do you want Dean? You could have Dean. He could carry you on his back, like Master Blaster.

All right... get their clothes.

Look, if you have a clumsy child, you make him wear a helmet. If you have death-prone children, you keep a few clones of them in your lab.

[To Half-Formed Corpse] Hank! You are never to call your father a crumb-bum in front of company!

(seeing the Inquisitor for the first time) Ladysmith Black Mambazo!!!

(trying to explain the birds and the bees to Dean) I'm going to explain to you what most boys your age (pauses) have known for like five years already.

(To Dr. Girlfriend, flirtateously morose) I brought you something blue.... me....

Hey, kids! It's time for adventure - at Rusty's Day Camp for Boy Adventurers! The largest privately-run day camp for budding super-scientists in the area! Learn adventuring from pros like Action Johnny, Master Billy Quizboy, and of course, me - Rusty Venture! Star of the "Rusty Venture" cartoon! Tell Mom you need excitement! Tell Dad you need a cashier's check! And we'll see you there - at Rusty's Day Camp for Boy Adventurers!

Looks like I found my cure for impotence after all! Now if I could figure out a way to bottle that ass, I'd be a multi-millionaire!

This is why daddy has to DRINK to RELAX, boys!

Shit! It's Chuck Scarsdale! Hide or we're gonna be on the news!